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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
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#1
I wondered how people deal with the intensity of the relationship between you and your T. Did any of you sense the relationship deepening at any point? How did you cope with it?
I've been seeing my therapist for 9 months now. We get on really well ( mostly ) She is very competent, keeps good boundaries whilst managing to be very supportive. In the past maybe 2-3 months I feel like she's really become more caring, more protective. We've been on a two week break this month but effectively I've not had contact with her for 3 weeks and she knew I was worried about the break and both weeks she sent me a card saying she was thinking about me, that she hoped I was looking after myself and that she'd see me soon. It was such a lovely gesture. Her message was so reassuring and full of warmth and she signed off both times " fondest wishes" This was new because usually she writes "best wishes on any correspondence which always seems a bit formal, so I was thrilled that she wrote what she did in the cards. In one of our sessions before the break she spoke about her love and care for me and my worry that her new job meant she wouldn't have enough of it to go around. But I'd never said that to her, i have never expected love from her, I'm not sure I even want that, i was more worried she'd burn out or not have time for me. But her use of the word " love" freaked me out and I ended up sending a huge angry text afterward basically rejecting her and her "love". I told her I didn't want it or need it ( LIE ) At the next session we spoke a little bit about it and she said maybe it was too much too soon for me. I dunno, I'm just freaking out over how much she seems to care about me. How much care she shows me. It's nice, really nice and everyone wants to be loved don't they? But It confuses me, why does she care so much? Or does she not really and this is some therapy trick to get me to attach to her? Am I reading the signs wrong? Right now it almost seems like a honeymoon period for both us... and that can't last. It's nice and exciting and I'm super flattered to feel that cared about but it feels really intense and scary and unreal... Help! __________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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AllyIsHopeful, Aloneandafraid, Ford Puma, Leah123, precaryous, rainbow8, RedSun, ThisWayOut
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Inner Space Traveler
Member Since May 2014
Location: on the wing of an eagle
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#2
Asia, I have been seeing my T almost as long as you. I am going through something similar...feeling like, "Is T for real?"
I have posted this before, sorry - I sensed the relationship deepening when we spoke a few minutes before her recent vacation and she said to me, "I will think of you while I am gone and I will hold you in my heart." I head her...at first thinking, "What?" But, Omg, that one got through my armor. How did I deal with it? Unusual for me, I believed her. |
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Aloneandafraid
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Aloneandafraid, Asiablue
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
13 435 hugs
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#3
Quote:
I do mostly believe what she says too and this all *feels* authentic... but omg I am terrified. __________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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shezbut
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precaryous
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WON'T!!!
Member Since May 2014
Location: Arizona
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#4
With previous T I didn't handle it very well at all. I nearly went out of my mind. I dissociate from my emotions when they get too strong (and by too strong I mean fairly normal for most people). PrevT tried to force me. That so did not end well...
Pre, your T's kind words would've had me looking for a table to hide under if they made it thru *my* armor. __________________ '... At poor peace I sing To you strangers (though song Is a burning and crested act, The fire of birds in The world's turning wood, For my sawn, splay sounds,) ...' Dylan Thomas, Author's Prologue |
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Asiablue
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,430
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#5
Quote:
::singing loudly with an american accent:: mummy luff, mummy luff, it's that mummy lufffffff. Ok so I'm done singing. With my T when I felt it deepening I panicked and pushed her away and here we are in this shithole relationship now. I think your T is very genuine and you should enjoy her while she loves you so much, bc any day she could become evil T who has insane rules and doesnt like you anymore, much less love you." live in the NOW, Asia. Live in the now. If you dont want her hugs, package them up and send them to me. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
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#6
I also am in a similar situation.
I have such difficulty believing anyone could care about me. But I want my T to care. And all her actions shows she cares. Yet something in me doesn't believe it. Yesterday, I had a long phone call with my T. It was a difficult phone call (I'm in trouble with her and my Pdoc), and I constantly felt like she was punishing, rejecting, or threatening me. Every time I felt like that she'd say: "Scarlet, I'm speaking from my heart. Why am I doing [talking] about this?" And every time I had to repeat: "Because you care about me and are concerned about me." And then she confirmed that's what she was feeling. It actually helped a ton repeating it over and over again. For once I started to believe it. I'm still in trouble, but this time I'm not misunderstanding my T...YAY!!!! __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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precaryous, RedSun
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Aloneandafraid, Asiablue, precaryous
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Scotland
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#7
I am experiencing the same with my T. How can they love or care about people just because they're paid to?
But, until recently I worked as a young persons counsellor for seven years, and I really did care about my clients, and loved some of them, and thought about them when I wasn't at work. I genuinely cared, but could also let go because it was different to family relationships. |
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Aloneandafraid, Asiablue, precaryous
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2014
Location: Ireland
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#8
Quote:
__________________ A daily dose of positive in a world going cuckoo Humour helps... |
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Asiablue, precaryous
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
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#9
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__________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,430
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#10
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
13 435 hugs
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#11
__________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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Aloneandafraid, Favorite Jeans, precaryous
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Virginia
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#12
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
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#13
I am living in the now. And in the now, I am panicked and scared about the emotions it all brings up!
__________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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Leah123
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,430
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#14
Quote:
And then it will be all better and you can hate her for not being like she used to be, like I feel about my once wonderful and never again T. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: yada
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#15
You have no evidence that she is either inconsistent, or unpredictable. While there is the occasional T who becomes overwhelmed by counter transference, or the realization that they don't have the skills to help a client, or by a volatile relationship that becomes destructive, most do not turn into overnight monsters. Most of the time it is our defenses which distort our perceptions, interpreting actions according to our fears. This is exactly the challenge of therapy: to respond to our fears differently.
Why she cares isn't within your control. That's her feeling, and she is entitled to it. The only change is that she's articulating it more clearly, perhaps because she believes you're ready to hear it, or perhaps because she believes you need to hear it. Either way, it isn't the reality that has changed--just your awareness of it. I don't think I'd characterize it as a "honeymoon" period with an expected end. That implies it isn't genuine. Sure, there will be times when the relationship feels less blissful and more ambiguous. But that's transient and doesn't speak to the existence of the caring underneath. |
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Asiablue
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Aloneandafraid, Asiablue, InRealLife45, ThisWayOut
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
13 435 hugs
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#16
Quote:
__________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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Guest
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#17
AsiaBlue...
This is a perfect opportunity to work through those same feelings that likely come up as well in your other relationships.... Maybe you could talk about all these feelings with her... You are not alone in having those feelings but unfortunately most of the people who have successfully managed through them to the other side leave PC because they no longer need it so you will mostly be getting responses from fellow travelers. |
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Asiablue
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
13 435 hugs
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#18
Quote:
And also it's just the intensity of it, I'm not used to it. __________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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feralkittymom
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Virginia
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#19
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: in her own dark fairytale
Posts: 3,086
13 435 hugs
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#20
Quote:
I'm ok with hearing from fellow travelers. Least I know I'm not alone in this madness. __________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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