[under_the_iron_sea]

It was just an assessment appointment yesterday, but in going through my recent symptoms, a lot of stuff was brought up, and now I feel like I've got this building anxiety that I can't seem to smother. I thought my main symptoms were due to depression, but the unsettled feeling started last night, and has been ballooning up in my chest ever since. I have a history of panic attack type feelings when I awake from naps (that's another question I have for another time) and after just having a nap, I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now.

I brought into light a lot of things that I try to forget or thought I was over with yesterday. I know it's normal to feel some anxiety after that, but I'm really having trouble today. Is there anything I could do to help myself feel better? I've tried my usual relaxation tactics (scented candles, listening to rain, hot tea, calming book, bath, walks, etc.) Nothing has helped at all yet. It's taken me half an hour just to type this up.

I have my intake appointment in about a week and a half, and I'm just so torn. I know that I need therapy so that I can once and for all finally overcome some of these issues. But at the same time, starting therapy is making me nosedive into worse depression and anxiety, and also bringing out intense feelings of guilt, shame and selfishness. And it's making me feel hypersensitive about my emotions, my conditions and my past, rather than being able to just go through daily life like normal. What can I do to lessen the blow of these first sessions? I don't know if I can take this!

Briar

[CantExplain]

Gardening? Housework? Rest?

[HazelGirl]

Often, things get worse before they get better, and that's because they have to. In order to work on your problems, you have to stop running from them. And that is incredibly scary and overwhelming. That's what you're feeling right now and it's totally normal.

[JustShakey]

You sound a lot like I felt after my eval and first session with my last T. I had no idea what was going on and I blamed my T for encouraging me to be silly and emotional, or something... I still haven't figured out what happened there to be honest... My point is, be as open as you can with your T about how panicky the experience is making you, so she/he can help you manage it. I got angry at my T in my second session because I didn't understand what was happening to me and she didn't take it well at all.
In the meantime I would say try to do things you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. I like to fill my head with loud music and get plenty of exercise outdoors if I can at all.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[iheartjacques]

It's a bit like them taking off the bandages to have a look and you feel exposed and vulnerable. Try to distract yourself till next session.

[under_the_iron_sea]

Thank you guys. This is really helpful. I don't know why, but I never thought just an evaluation appointment would become so unsettling. It's been a few days past it now, and I'm feeling a lot more "normal" so that's good. But it'll start all over again next week... At least I know now that the feeling won't last forever. My skin was really crawling that day after. I felt so stuck in my head, you know? I'm not sure if that makes sense. But I just felt really self-indulgent and kind obsessed about my own thoughts and emotions. It was a really weird/bad feeling. And a lot of things that happened ages ago started coming back. I really thought I'd gotten past it all, but apparently not.

And now I'm having these weird sensations where out of nowhere I get a flash of memory of something from when I was a child. Sometimes it's even as weird as a smell! I don't know what that's all about. It's very strange. But, overall I'm doing better than I was a couple days ago, so that's a relief. Thank you all again. I appreciate you chiming in. It helps.

Briar

[precaryous]

Like everyone is said, your feelings are normal. Everything you have been holding inside has been stirred up. Glad things seem to be settling a bit.

[elliemay]

You know, I think when anxiety is interfering with your life that much, it may be time to look at some medication.

I have both anxiety and depression, and I swear, give me depression any day. Anxiety is AWFUL. I feel what you are going through and I'm so very sorry.

If people do not understand anxiety, it's like that feeling in the moment before a car accident, or like you are sitting in the room with a hungry mountain lion, or that something is just *right* behind you.

When I'm at baseline, things like gardening, distraction, meditation, shopping, help.

However, when things get really ramped up (usually for a reason, but I may not always know it), there can be sustained, exhausting, and profound symptoms. It just takes over.

And when you think about it, of course it does, your brain is telling you there is a mountain lion in the room!

It is at those times when I find a fast acting medication necessary. Not enough to make me comatose, but enough to alleviate the symptoms such that I can work.

I also think that untreated anxiety changes who we are and, certainly exacts a physical and pathological toll on the body that is very hard to undo. A hyper-vigilant sympathetic nervous system develops. We over react to otherwise innocuous stimuli.

Okay, I'm so I rambled. I hope you feel better soon. I would talk to your primary care provider and maybe they can get you set up with a psychiatrist. If you decide to go that route.

[skeksi]

For me, finally going to get help was kind of like a crack starting in a dam--I kept springing emotional leaks. T actually had to work with me on NOT sharing too much in our sessions, because I wasn't able to handle it yet.

It's not unusual for starting the therapy process to bring your mind to emotions that have been laying dormant for a long time, I think. Definitely talk about this at your intake appointment, and as soon as you start with regular appointments you can work with the T to learn how to contain some of the stuff that is coming up as a result.

[musinglizzy]

I know the feeling. I have had 12 sessions with my T now....we started at once a week, but the past two weeks, we've been doing twice, and will be doing twice a week for awhile, at least. I have really gone through some "mental stuff" starting this process, but it didn't help that I started around summertime when she takes vacations. We already had a two week break the end of June/beginning of July. Now, I have a session with her next Thursday, and then will be nearly 3 weeks before I go in again. It's been really difficult to get comfortable with someone, and start spilling my guts about the deepest darkest places of my past, thoughts that I've tried to bury for so many years. Of course starting therapy is going to bring some "mentalness" with it. I know when she left before, I had a really hard time. There were just things going on in my life and I was feeling overwhelmed. But the reassuring thing is that even though she was overseas, 7 time zones away, she encouraged Emails, and Emailed me back when I needed her. She said the same thing about this next one...but because of the circumstances of her vacation, I have NO intention of bothering her with any Emails. When I find myself feeling rough, I come here. Or, I've been doing a LOT of reading. Since I won't see her for almost three weeks after Thursday, I'm hoping Thursday's session is relatively light. I'm quite sure she would do her best to ensure it wasn't a difficult one, to leave me hanging until she gets back. I surely don't recommend this, but I've found myself getting tattoos. I got one a week ago, and getting two more next week. One is a symbol to remind me of inner peace (the one I already have). The other two, one very tiny, are to actually IMPROVE my life. I have some homemade tattoos from 20 years ago that I am very self conscious about, and I'm finally getting the worst of them covered up, so I will feel free. Like I can wear anything I want, instead of worrying how long the sleeves are. I'm quite sure if I hadn't started therapy, I wouldn't have done/be doing this, but I decided this summer I am taking care of MYSELF, and if I want to get a tattoo or three, I'm gonna DO it! Perhaps it's given me the motivation to do so. I'm trying to improve my mind. By covering up reminders, that may help. But I know. I'm still fairly new to therapy, and although she says I've done a lot of work already, we still have a long road ahead..

[musinglizzy]

I will also add, that my T did tell me that for some people, they just can't handle going "back there." She said give it some time, and if I am feeling worse, then it's time to stop focusing on that, and just move on to the present. She said it has never happened with any of her clients, but she's known of people who just couldn't handle all that work from the past.