Have you ever had your T angry at you?

A couple of T's back, when I was very ill, I had an elevated temperature and I should have gone to the hospital immediately (because my body was sepsis waiting to happen and an elevated temperature was the first sign. I had to take my temperature at least four times a day and go to the hospital immediately if it was higher than a certain number. This usually happened two or three times a week). Instead, I checked the patient information leaflet of a new drug I was taking, called my pharmacist and asked if the elevated temperature could be a side effect from my new medication. The pharmacist said that yes, it was possible.
I was looking for an excuse not to go to the hospital and I found it. So I didn't go to the ER.

It turned out okay, it wasn't sepsis. My T chewed me out for about twenty minutes and made me promise not to ever risk my life like that again.
She understood why I did it but made it very clear it wasn't acceptable.

[stopdog]

No. I would not tolerate a therapist who thought they got to tell me how to conduct my life or got angry with what I do.

[Teepee]

My T gets firm with me, it's like she brings out her teacher voice! in 18mths it's only happened twice both times after an attempt and both were in regards to T telling me I am worth being loved and yes the choice is always mine and she won't take that from me. On reflection it was more passionate and came across very firm hmmmm.

I agree with stopdog if T felt she had a right to berate my decision making and not only yell at me for it but waste 20min of my precious therapy time I would have big issues

[granite1]

once I had a T who got mad at me . I called her in the middle of the night asking her to bail me out of jail. it got her a bit angry at me and I heard about it

[Tangerine87]

My therapist is extremely angry at me. I bet he wants me to die or to go away. He hates me. I want to die and cry.

[doyoutrustme]

Probably. But he'd never admit it.

[nottrustin]

If she has been she never told me and never let on.

[HazelGirl]

I can understand why she would be angry. That was a very risky move. But it doesn't make it easy to handle, though.

[Silent Void]

Yes, I believe so. I wouldn't tell him everything I do while I'm locked up tight in my home. I don't think it's any of his damn business.

Yes, it was over money of all things and I freaked out at her anger and hung up on her, we do phone sessions only since she moved, i felt abysmal for 3 days before calling her to apologize for hanging up on her, we did work it all out after that and our t relationship is actually stronger now since then. She is one person I do not want mad at me again!

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[glitterrosez89]

The only time I would accept a therapist yelling at me is if I did something anyone would yell at me for, like I stole from a store (which I wouldn't do). Otherwise, I don't pay to be berated. My area has no shortage of therapists. If I'm seeing someone who thinks it's okay to yell at me for not taking a medication or whatever, I will find someone else. They can express concern, but they cannot yell at me like they're my parent.

[lunatic soul]

He is angry if I hurt myself or abuse drugs or am suicidal.

But he doesnt shout to me, just said he was angry.

[iheartjacques]

I don't know if my t was angry at me, but he has been annoyed or frustrated when he's tried to give me advice and I've done the opposite. But if he yelled at me, is walk out and not go back.

[stopdog]

Perhaps that is why therapists are often taught to avoid giving advice. If a therapist gets so worked up about me not following their advice (which I don't want to begin with), that they become angry and frustrated, then I would suggest that therapist go see one themselves. If they get all worked up because they think it is for me, I would still not know how that was supposed to be useful. Also I would doubt it was anything other than an attempt at manipulation.

At you, or for you.

[ThisWayOut]

I have never cross the line to yelling at me, but I do know I have made a few very frustrated. I have had psychiatrists yell at me however, while I was in a locked unit. He was trying to get me to into a type of treatment I was adamently refusing to consider. He thought that yelling at me and intimidating me would get me to comply with his recommendations... It did not work, and I filed a formal complaint on him (as did some of the staff I believe, because he was out of line). He was aware of my PTSD and that anger/yelling, especially in closed quarters was a huge trigger to me...

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

At you, or for you.

ooohh... good deliniation. I've definitely had T's be angry for me, when I could not or would not feel any anger over a situation.

[Parley]

I have not had a therapist show me anger or frustration. I could be wrong but I think anger is the last thing my therapist would bring into the room. I've got enough for the both of us.

[Polibeth]

As far as I know, T has never been angry with me but she did tell me that if I ever attempted suicide she would be "livid".

[Bells129]

Yes! Many times. I think my T is determined for me to make progress, so when I don't do something she asked me to do (homework as I like to call it) she gets majorly pissed at me and lectures me for like 10 minutes on why it's so important. A bit annoying, but I just stare into space and give the occasional 'mmm' and wait it out.

[stopdog]

For me, the next question then is - why would I care if a therapist got angry with me? I mean, what difference does it make to me if the therapist is angry or not. I can live with the woman being angry if she wants to be as long as she does not take it out on me. I have no trouble getting angry back or standing my ground. It would not make me be compliant or submissive or sorry.

weirdest thing yesterday when i was talking with t. she said "I didn't get any emails" at one point and I could swear she sounded annoyed about it. I did send one, actually, and told her I did, she looked then and found it. Weird that she sounded annoyed about it because I hadn't made any agreements about sending anything. But that's her stuff, not mine, so I'm not worried about it. Evidence that therapy is working right there boys and girls. Not that long ago actually I would have been upset that she didn't see my email and also would have apologized when she sounded annoyed. it didn't even cross my mind yesterday to apologize. I just said "Oh, yeah I did, I think it was last thursday, but no biggie I can tell you what it said" but then she found it anyway and we moved along. I am seeing my feelings for/about t evolving some in the past few months. Interesting. I wonder how I would react if she yelled at me now like she did a year ago.... interesting.

[Asiablue]

I had one T 18 months ago who got angry at me for a suicide attempt and terminated me on the spot. It wasn't outright shouting anger, more frustrated " I'm washing my hands of you" irritation.
With this T, I've not felt anger but she has been frustrated with me one particular time that I was able to pick up on. We've had lots of conversations about what makes her angry and she says it's not therapeutic for her to be angry at me, and if she ever did feel angry then that's her stuff and she can take that to her supervision, it has no place in my therapy.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

For me, the next question then is - why would I care if a therapist got angry with me? I mean, what difference does it make to me if the therapist is angry or not. I can live with the woman being angry if she wants to be as long as she does not take it out on me. I have no trouble getting angry back or standing my ground. It would not make me be compliant or submissive or sorry.

Anger is a communication tool. If someone says they are angry with you it is because they feel you have hurt them in some way, taken something of "theirs" and they want it back (disrespected them, perhaps). The response I want to give when someone is angry with me is to pay attention to what they have to say, what they are "complaining" about and see if I can understand, if I agree with their point of view or if I believe they have misunderstood me and my words/actions.

I do not like the angry "at" phrasing, it makes me think of a dartboard and gets my defensive "back up". Angry "with" sounds friendlier (LOL) to me and makes me mindful the other person cares what I think/feel/do and is sharing themselves with me. Someone who does not care for/about you does not bother getting angry with you, they don't want to waste their time and energy. I try hard to make sure I differentiate between someone just being mean/ugly and saying horrible things to/about me (which I disregard as they are clearly not my friend or someone I want to associate with) and someone angry with me.

Defensive anger posturing (getting angry back because the person is angry at me, how dare they!) does not help me understand the situation and the other person, just highlights my feeling defensive or spiteful. When someone is sounding/acting angry to me, I immediately try to think, "Oh, goody, a chance to practice my communication skills!"

[clairelisbeth]

My T and I have talked about how in relationships (the therapeutic relationship included) people are going to become angry or frustrated with each other, and it is normal.

I would never tolerate a therapist becoming angry with me for not following their advice or for struggling. However, my current T of nearly 4 years did feel anger towards me when I expressed feeling very actively suicidal via text, and then turned off my phone (obviously I was not thinking clearly, and in my head at the time, had decided that no one cared about me, T included-so why would it matter if I turned my phone off?).

When she finally reached me she sounded frantic, then relieved-and then….not altogether too pleased. Later, when we processed this phone call in session, I told her that she had sounded mad, and she thought about it, and said, "actually, I did feel angry-I think that I didn't realize it when you first asked, or didn't want to show it because I knew that you were in a fragile place." I told her that I was actually glad that she was telling me and that we could talk about it (since I could sense it anyway). During the conversation, we talked about how it felt to know that my T had felt anger towards me. I said that I felt bad for worrying her. I also said that I knew that she had been angry/worried because she cared about me.

If she had screamed at me the night of the incident, or bawled me out in session, it would have been terrible, and it would have made things much, much worse. It wasn't like that at all. And if anything, it normalized the fact that in relationships, people are going to get angry at each other for different reasons, and it modeled how those feelings could be discussed. My T also demonstrated, through her words and actions that me making her angry didn't change the way that she felt towards me at all. It didn't make me any less lovable. Seeing that in action was actually very healing.

This was a long time ago, but I believe that going through that actually strengthened my relationship with my T and modeled how to better deal with anger in my RL relationships.