[Onward2wards]

I don't currently have a therapist. I've tried to learn as much as I can from them in the past, I journal every day, and I have been using some therapy techniques on myself, including CBT, ACT and Insight Oriented Psychodynamic type questions (I am becoming a HUGE believer in psychodynamics).

I realized recently that I seem to have what psychologists call "a harsh and critical superego". Then I had an insight ... no, I have TWO! I have a "normal" superego, that quiet inner voice that prompts you to be kind and reasonable and empathic; but my superego also has a superego!! That's the impression I get. I seem to have this OTHER superego who sounds like a pedantic, lunatic drill sergeant with a list of 50,000 entirely arbitrary shame based rules!!

I vaguely remember, from somewhere early in my childhood at school, having some teachers whose attitude was "do it because I say so, rules are rules, not because it makes any sense". This was nothing like the way my parents raised me. I dimly recall my parents and the teachers I liked appealing to my better judgment, and to my childlike reasoning, such as it was. I remember most teachers being kind and reasonable, but some seemed to shame kids in front of other kids to ensure compliance, and also have some entirely arbitrary rules going on, such as punishing everyone if one person did anything wrong and never owned up to it, etc. I'm pretty sure that other kids and other adults likely pulled the same stuff later in my life as well.

To this day I get outlandishly upset when faced with the kind of arbitrary "rules are rules, too bad" kind of situations that make zero common sense in the adult world, but are stupidly tolerated anyway. I also find that it is absurdly easy for other people to manipulate me with so much as the suggestion of being shamed. I really feel I now KNOW where my infamous "overly guilty conscience" might actually come from!!! Doubtless there are other factors which feed it, but I am finally getting somewhere.

Since this susceptibility to shame and a fear that an arbitrary rule I don't know about may leap out of the bushes any second and be the end of me has absolutely been a CONTRIBUTING FACTOR IN MY DEPRESSION ... I'm feeling pretty upset right now. I want all the therapy I can get!!! How do you kill this damned beast?

Definitely get a therapist to calm down your superego. Def psychodynamic, psychoanalytic.

I had the same problem. But beware-when mine calmed down, I kind of turned into a slacker.

But yeah, maybe it's time to stop doing therapy on yourself and get a good T. You can't do it alone-it's best to have someone by your side.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by skies_

I had the same problem. But beware-when mine calmed down, I kind of turned into a slacker.

Me too! Darn catholic school! Once you stop thinking that you will go to hell for every minor infraction, you kinda lose your motivation. I blame the nuns for my being late to work every day after my first job review, where my boss expressed amazement that i was always on time. I honestly didnt know i had a choice. I guess i thought the late door led straight to hell.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Part of therapy is the relationship. Humans are social animals. If you could "cure" (can't think of a better word atm) yourself by simply reading a book, the therapy feild would diminish. That's why even though many people on this forum read a lot, they're still in therapy.