[glitterrosez89]

There was one thing in particular that my therapist said at my first appointment that I really appreciated. We were talking about my messed up family life, mostly because of two particular family members, and he was just like, "Honestly, I wish you would let me meet these people and let me deal with them." I have no reason to believe there would be any benefit to bringing either of them in. It would just lead to more tension around the house because they knew I was talking about them to someone, and they've already seen dozens of therapists, psychiatrists, etc. who weren't able to make any impact. But the fact that he was mad about what they do and wanted to stop them felt nice. I'm not used to anyone wanting to protect me. I'm used to feeling like no one really cares what happens to me.

I'm glad your T wants to protect you. Mine just wanted to skew me over and he did a great job of that. He turned on me to protect someone else. I don't know why he turned against me and destroyed me. I am not a criminal and never hurt him or anyone else. If your T cares about you then I'd hold onto him. I don't recommend bringing anyone else in on your therapy. Your t is supposed to be there for YOU not anyone else.

[glitterrosez89]

Originally Posted by BlueIvy

I'm glad your T wants to protect you. Mine just wanted to skew me over and he did a great job of that. He turned on me to protect someone else. I don't know why he turned against me and destroyed me. I am not a criminal and never hurt him or anyone else. If your T cares about you then I'd hold onto him. I don't recommend bringing anyone else in on your therapy. Your t is supposed to be there for YOU not anyone else.

I don't know what happened with your therapist, but I'm sorry to hear he treated you like a criminal.

I'm not going to bring anyone else into my therapy because, for one, the reason I went has to do with me. I don't want to fix my family members. They can continue living their little dysfunctional lives and destroying one another all they want as far as I'm concerned at this point. I just want to get away from them so I can live my life in peace. In the past, it would have been relevant to do so, but it's not anymore. For two, they're always the ones who get the good things because of the way they manipulate and walk all over people to get what they want. So it's kind of like, "Let me have this one thing to myself."

[Ambra]

When I got sick discussing a difficult topic and she asked if I wanted to rest in her office for a while after session as she wasn't seeing anyone else but had to stay there to do some papers. I said no thanks as I didn't want to take advantage of her time but felt really cared for.

BlueIvy, I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how awful it must be.

[NowhereUSA]

i don't know that i would use the word protective. incredibly empathetic? i've heard him be protective of his younger clients (children) which makes sense, but the most he's ever done with me is express that he too would have a hard time not drop kicking someone who was causing me a great deal of pain.

[stopdog]

I don't think they have been protective of me. I would hope not. It would creep me out for a therapist to do so.

[ThisWayOut]

Wow, that's cool that your t not only had that reaction but felt ok in telling you. I'm glad your t seems to be helpful so far.
I've had a few get that way, mostly in dealing with certain family members, but also occasionally when dealing with "the system". It's kinda nice, but I'm glad they were not all that way, and not all the time. One of my first t's told me she wanted to protect me from myself (which at the time was a good thing because I was internally self - destructive in my thinking and actions). More recently former t told me she'd work to help keep me safe, whatever it took (huge step to being able to trust her).

[InRealLife45]

my t used to.

[guilloche]

That's very cool. Any time people are protective towards me like that, it's a bit of a hot button (in a good way) thing for me too. It makes me feel like someone cares, which can be such a huge thing! Glad new T is working out so far!

[Ford Puma]

Originally Posted by glitterrosez89

There was one thing in particular that my therapist said at my first appointment that I really appreciated. We were talking about my messed up family life, mostly because of two particular family members, and he was just like, "Honestly, I wish you would let me meet these people and let me deal with them." I have no reason to believe there would be any benefit to bringing either of them in. It would just lead to more tension around the house because they knew I was talking about them to someone, and they've already seen dozens of therapists, psychiatrists, etc. who weren't able to make any impact. But the fact that he was mad about what they do and wanted to stop them felt nice. I'm not used to anyone wanting to protect me. I'm used to feeling like no one really cares what happens to me.

That depends. I cant say mine is.

[Notoriousglo]

I'm happy you feel safe with him. I'm glad none of my therapists have ever said anything negative about my family members. I think it would be very unprofessional to say what yours did.

[archipelago]

I feel reassured by my therapist so I guess that leads to feeling protective. At times he has been clearly protective, but I don't want to feel like he is a pseudo parent so I wouldn't really like that kind of protective attitude.

He has gone way out of his way to help me, which has made me feel a bit strange since no one has really done that before. So I can understand the experience.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by euphy

I'm happy you feel safe with him. I'm glad none of my therapists have ever said anything negative about my family members. I think it would be very unprofessional to say what yours did.

I think that can depend on how you feel about your family. One of the most validating things I ever heard was that my family had issues... my wife on the other hand, would have a really difficult time hearing anything that is not totally positive about her family, but her family isn't as screwed up as mine. It sounds like the op was validated when t acknowledged that her family members are tough to live with based on how they were being spoken about.
Just curious, what makes it unprofessional to say in your opinion? Would it be that t has not met said family members? Or that t is overstepping bounds by talking about others? Or something else? (Genuine curiosity)

[Notoriousglo]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I think that can depend on how you feel about your family. One of the most validating things I ever heard was that my family had issues... my wife on the other hand, would have a really difficult time hearing anything that is not totally positive about her family, but her family isn't as screwed up as mine. It sounds like the op was validated when t acknowledged that her family members are tough to live with based on how they were being spoken about.
Just curious, what makes it unprofessional to say in your opinion? Would it be that t has not met said family members? Or that t is overstepping bounds by talking about others? Or something else? (Genuine curiosity)

I agree it's subjective. I'm glad glitter felt good because of it. I wouldn't like it because I love my abusers.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by euphy

I'm happy you feel safe with him. I'm glad none of my therapists have ever said anything negative about my family members. I think it would be very unprofessional to say what yours did.

My T pretty much thinks my mom is a terrible person who severely abused me (we have our issues but I dont think its as bad as my T thinks) but she bad talks my mom a lot and I don't like it at all.

[glitterrosez89]

So this is the deal with my family. I have a sister who makes anyone around her miserable. I don't want to go into specifics, but she intentionally destroys anything in her path in very horrific ways. The rest of my family members are all depressed, nervous wrecks from living with it for so long. My father has always refused to do anything about it because "If I kick her out of the house, she has nowhere to go" and "If I press charges against her, then she will have a record and never be able to get a job." or "I can't stand to see my own child locked up in a psychiatric ward." Meanwhile, as I said, the rest of the family is suffering. Things actually haven't been as bad in the past about two weeks. She's been surprisingly keeping to herself, but I used to just sit in my bedroom hiding from her and think about how badly I wanted to die to get away from it. So it always felt like I wasn't worth protecting. Only she was. There's more to the story, but I really don't want to get into it all because it's something that persisted throughout my whole childhood as well as now into adulthood since I currently live in my father's house. But yeah, it was a new experience for someone to stick up for me.

[pmbm]

My current therapist is more loudly outraged at my parents (my abusers) than any other therapist has ever been and she would love if we could find a way to press charges, but the statute of limitations is way past. I feel like this s very protective. She is the first therapist to point a finger at them and tell me that it is all their fault. Other therapists have of course told me that it was not my fault..but it did not have the same impact.

[junkDNA]

my T has said many times that he feels protective of me and our work together

[Sawyerr]

She said she has the need to protect me. I just have trouble believing her..

[Leah123]

My therapist has admitted to a protective impulse a time or two when I mention family difficulties and some of my early traumatic experiences. I appreciated it, knowing that she wanted to look out for me and that just that she was human and not all blank slate.

[scorpiosis37]

My T has said on a few occasions that she feels like a "momma bear" and wishes she could protect me. Usually, she says this in reference to things that happened to me when I was a child but, a couple of times, she has said it in the present tense. Usually, I really like it because it makes me feel cared about and it shows me-- just for a split second-- what it might be like to have a mom. My T is the closest thing I've ever had to a maternal figure, and I like feeling as though she can fill some of that (as opposed to nothing/no one).

Recently, however, she used this expression to refer to a situation that happened with an older woman when I was 18-22. I told her very assertively that I did not need or want protection in that situation. I was an adult, I went into that situation consciously and voluntarily, and it was one of the best relationships of my life. I told her that there are a thousand other people/situations I wish I had protection from, but that was not one of them. My T actually apologized, and said that she would instead offer me her protection the next time I genuinely needed it. I really appreciated her saying that.

[Raging Quiet]

My t used to tell me how vulnerable she thought I was, she used to walk me to the bus stop after sessions in the dark... She was in her early 70's and I was in my mid 20's(!) she's also gotten very angry on my behalf.

[HazelGirl]

Mine has gotten angry when I have told her about people treating me badly. So yeah, I think she does feel protective of me sometimes.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Yes. Both a thing I feel, and my therapist verbalizes it regularly. Mostly, it's easy to feel appreciation for feeling like somebody feels a protective surge towards me like that.

Not always. Sometimes, if I am basking in appreciation of her protectiveness and love I get a sudden bitter little voice reminding me it's probably just the same way volunteers want to protect the stay dogs they look after in the pound from being destroyed. A generic protectiveness borne out of pity and basic human decency.

Yes, my therapist from many years ago was protective of me. I felt like he was a father-figure. Even to this day I dream about my wonderful therapist and feel protected by him. Obviously a transference that was strong and healthy.