Replacing Intense Thoughts with Intense Thoughts?

So I have a longish commute, and I get off work before friends and family (so I can't really call anybody).

It's usually on my longish commutes that I get super intense thooughts about hurting/killing myself.

For some reason, the other day, it occurred to me that the reason that trying to replace those thoughts with "something else" never works is that "something else" is usually something boring or soothing. It never works.

It's like I need to replace it with something equally intense.

So of course, my first thought/suggestion is SEX!! Hot, steamy, swinging from the rafters SEX.

But I don't think that will work. Too many issues with that... recently lost a relationship with someone I cared deeply about. I invariably think about HIM, and then I just start sobbing.

So sex is a no go.

What else is intense like that? Something that won't make me even more upset? T explicitly forbade me from BASE jumping. Boo! But maybe I could still think about it. Just not DO it.

She doesn't seem to think the replacement thought needs to be anything in particular. But I've tried "whatever" topics and they don't hold my attention. The only thing close that I have is snowboarding, but that's too "calming". Needs to be wilder.

Can anyone relate, or does everyone just breathe deeply and think about crocheting... or what?

What about playing really loud music and kind of car-dancing? Sing if you like singing? That's what I do on longish car rides...

Yes! I like it! I'm adding loud music and car dancing to my arsenal.

My mind usually starts to wander a few bars into the song half the time though. I think I need a top ten "intense things to obsess about". It's like my brain needs to go through the story from beginning to end.

So BASE jumping would start with the "putting on the gear" narrative, move into "traveling to the location", climbing, preparing to jump, etc.

I'm betting I get side tracked/bored with the topic before it actually gets to the jumping. The idea just needs to be intense and involved to keep my attention... then I think I can back off the emotion. Like I need...

*Intensity
*Complicated storyline
*Gradual distraction/boredom from the topic and trail off into something less intense.

I think that's why T's suggestions don't do it for me. Not complicated enough. I need something intense with a storyline.

no youre absolutely right. my t says big energy needs to be countered by big energy. so something that uses your body. personally i would go hike, swim or weight lift. you will be too sore to pick up anything to hurt yourself.

but theres lots of alternatives but theyre all exercise...zuumba, yoga, qigong etc...

Hmm...maybe sex with a hot celebrity?

Or maybe imagining yourself doing something important to the world or changing the world in some way? Or taking over the world, haha.

I also find myself drifting towards thoughts of hurting/killing myself while I'm driving long distances. Not always, but if I'm already struggling with those thoughts, they more readily crop up when I'm driving. When I was describing this to my T, she noted that the way I describe it, it's like the thoughts are the main focus and everything else is a brief distraction. For example, I told her that I was having the thoughts, then got distracted from them by the scenery.

T suggested I try changing my perspective to lessen the thoughts hold over me. The reality and the perspective I should try to hold is that my thoughts are distracting me from the scenery, not the other way around. It's like when you look at the image that could be a vase or two faces...change of focus changes what you see. So, my goal for the next long car ride is to try and see the intense/intrusive thoughts as a distraction, label them as a distraction, and then get back to focusing on something else. That something else might be an audiobook, music, scenery, traffic, whatever, but something concrete and outside myself.

Not sure if that's helpful or even makes any sense. For me, it was kind of enlightening.

I second the recommendation for loud music, but wanted to add (no pun intended) that my ADHD manifests in exactly the way you described.
Also, I like really raunchy comedy for my long commute because the jokes are short and good for provoking a response of some kind. Love it or hate it, it's not boring.

How about political talk radio? It always seems to piss me off!!
Just pick a program opposite your beliefs/values

What about some good catchy audiobook with story that will not let your mind rest? Maybe crime type of thing or drama?
My bf drives long distances and he always takes few with him.

Distraction doesn't work for me. I think watching our thoughts but not engaging in them helps more.