If your therapist hugs you, what are the hugs like

My therapist always hugs me at the end of every session, but it's an awkward hug because first he shakes my hand and then he pulls me close with his other arm and embraces me tightly while still holding or shaking my hand. Does that make any sense? It confuses me--why not just either hug me or shake my hand?

I know this is a silly thing to wonder about and I've thought about asking about, but I think the question would be awkward.

Dessert

That sounds a bit weird but maybe it works for him! I have to ask for one every time, and then even when she agrees initiate it entirely but when it goes right it feels like I'm completely safe. It's bizarre for me as my parents never hugged me so often it's too provocative and I can't cope. Have you thought about asking him about the handshake thing as well?

That does seem awkward.

Ive been thinking about this recently, because things have changed. Its like theres Batman, and theres Bruce Wayne. Batman - even tho he has no supernatural powers - can do stuff that Bruce Wayne cant. Same with t. When t hugs me, its FOR me; to connect with me, to break thru my hard candy shell its not Bruce Wayne doing it on his own behalf. I complained recently that he couldnt DO that, because it made me feel things. Since that complaint, tho, i decided that maybe i should tear down that wall and let myself want things - wanting one thing probably relates to letting other things into my life. i trust him not to hurt me, and i know he is acting as Batman, not Bruce Wayne - that is, professionally, not personally.

That sounds awkward!

When my T hugs me, it feels different depending on the situation. For example, I saw her yesterday after a break of 3 weeks. She KNEW I had found it exceptionally hard and when I walked into the room, she asked if I wanted a hug.
It was a really tight, safe, secure 'It's-OK-I-am-back' kind of hug. It was lovely

I think it's a guy thing when they are concerned with trying to be appropriate. Best bet is to ask your T.

I had a boss who would hug like that. He was trying to be supportive, but he was weirded out by the contact afforded by the hug. We actually talked about it once because a bunch of us were getting on his case about it...

I don't often get hugs from T's (or anyone other than family & close friends). The first time I ever got a hug from a T, I remember it being really awkward. She asked if I wanted one, and I said yes thinking it was just going to be a quick "fake hug" that most people do. It was after a rough session. I was all stiff and stand off-ish, but she hung on till I relaxed a bit. It was weird, but also really comforting. Kinda felt like she was trying to stick all the broken pieces back together for me.

My t hugs me after each session, always asking if I want one first. Her hugs are true hugs, not just pats on the back. She pulls me in and holds me close, and doesn't stop until I start to pull away. I know how much she cares about me and she knows how I feel about her.

My T won't hug me unless I initiate it first. I been hugging her after every session for about 2 months now. Been seeing her 4 years. Took me all this time to ask her. I still feel embarassed some times after a session to hug her but I do it. She gives me a big squeeze. I'm 7 inches taller than her and I think I'm crushing her.

I think he's bro hugging you

most men I know hug other men this way...(especially if it is a buddy)

I don't think my therapist is a huggy person in general. I'm not sure, but I doubt he would hug patients, especially a young female patient like me because of liability blah blah.

Yup.Sounds like a "bro hug" to me

I think the stance is a bro hug stance, but the length of the hug and the tightness of the embrace are inconsistent with its characterization.

Tell him how you feel and maybe he wont do it anymore. He cant know what your thinking and maybe he used to hug his clients that way.

When we hugged I didnt think about details but sometimes my hand was in his hand while we hugged and of course it was tight hug, its not real hug if its not tight

Nice and comforting, but always too short. I want them, but get nervous about it and it's over before I know it.

Warm, close and usually long - anyway longer than hugs with other people.

My old school T hugged me maybe 4-5 times over 3 years and each time was quite awkward for me. LCM has hugged me 2 times. The first time was awkward and underwhelming, the second time was great.

I've been hugged like that, always a guy....like my chiropractor, who's an awesome guy....that's how he hugs. I don't see anything awkward about it.

My T and I are both female... and she hugs me after every session. They're long and tight, and she rubs my back and reassures me or reminds me to breathe....etc....so she's usually talking during our hug. She usually doesn't let go until I do.

Look into the health benefits of hugging....and the number of seconds the hug should last for those benefits to take place. Share that with your T....my T believes in it.

____________________

When you think of hugs you generally think of a physical embrace between two or more people. The actual benefits of hugs are generally overlooked. Virgina Satir, an American psychotherapist is well known for saying “You need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth.”

But that’s not all. Research carried out by the University of North Carolina has shown that hugs have an amazing array of health benefits, including lowering blood pressure and reducing heart rates, increasing nerve activity and much more.

The study involved 20 couples who were asked to hug while researchers measured their levels of oxyticin. Oxyticin is a ‘bonding’ hormone that is released during childbirth and breastfeeding, and is known to help reduce the risk of heart disease. When the couples hugged for 20 seconds, their oxyticin levels increased, with those loving relationships experiencing the greatest increase. The hug also triggered a decrease in blood pressure and levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, in the women. It is thought that women benefit the most from hugs because of the increase of their comfort levels by promoting feelings of acceptance and compassion

Amazing!!! She didn't use to do it after every session. I'm not the hugging type except with my children. Eventually, when she didn't hug me, I would feel like I missed her hugs. Know she hugs me after every session & it's very comforting.
She also gave me a teddy bear that she used when she was going through her own therapy & I love it and get a lot of comfort from it as well.