[Soccer mom]

Is it weird to see your T out in public? Tonight I saw my T's car at the restaurant we went to for dinner. I immediately got nervous. I have seen her out in public twice before but it was years ago when I wasn't seeing her very often.
I'm not sure why it made me so nervous. Part of me wanted to see her yet also knew I had no idea how I would react. She ended up leaving when I wasn't looking.
Why is this? Because of everything she knows?

[HazelGirl]

I have only seen my T three times in public and all were pre-planned. But I think for me, it's awkward because I she belongs in that room, and if she leaves, then everything she knows about my leaves, too. It's sort of like the little kids who believe their teacher lives at the school.

[Healingchild]

I saw my T once in public when I was only seeing her once a month. It didn't bother me and I respected the boundaries. When I was infatuated with her I would day dream about running into her in public. But now I see her every 2 weeks and I sometimes think about what if I run into her. I feel really nervous when I think about that.

[stopdog]

Because of how they set up the rules of the game.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Like Hazelgirl, my T belongs in her office.

I know she has a life: husband, daughter, family, friends, etc. In fact, last time I talked to her on the phone, she was taking a walk around the block with her baby and I could hear her daughter babbling in the background...so sweet!

Young children often believe that their teachers live at school. I like to think the same of my T. It's the only place I can consider her safe. Hell, I freak out if I see her in the hallway in the building. Oh, and if I ever ran into her in the restroom...terrifying. (I actually refuse to use the restroom in the building just to avoid that scenario). If I saw her in public, I would quickly leave and go home. Thankfully she is never in the city I live in and I never am in hers.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

I think it's like when you are a kid and you see your teacher at the grocery store. Doesn't your teacher live at school???
I have seen two of my T's in public and it was awkward for both of them. Oddly I didn't feel awkward myself at first, haha, but they were nervous that *I'd* be nervous about it so they acted kind of strange instead of just "hi" and go on their merry way!

I guess it varies depending on who we are. I don't think it feels strange to meet T walking down the street, but if I were to see him at, say, a concert I would feel awkward because I'd be thinking I ought not to be there.

Because fantasy meets reality.

[Ford Puma]

I have seen T about 3 time outside of therapy. Twice in a coffee shop where I used to work years ago and once is a supermarket. I don't think she saw me at any stage.

[granite1]

I have only seen my T a few time doing regular things out side her office a few times but it was around the office building. once when I showed up she was outside picking some flowers and I actually talked to her, and once we showed up at the same time and we walked in together. she was very relaxed about the interaction so I was also. I don't think I will ever run into her in public like shopping or anything because I know she lives at least 45 min away from this office in another town. I don't know how I would react if I ran into her. I think I would want to say hi and have normal small talk but would panic about her boundaries so would probably just let it be

[OneWorld]

For me, it is because her world and my world only intersect in that small, private space. When I see her outside of that space, it means that her world and my world have crossed over in places that I am not comfortable with. I do not want to be involved in her life or her in mine in any way outside of our sessions because then I wouldn't be able to be open and honest anymore.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ombrétwilight]

I've never run into my T in public but she is my school T so I do see her around a lot on campus. And I always freak out. I tend to see her in the cafeteria when she walks past me to grab lunch. Then I lose my appetite and my whole demeanor changes and people ask me if I'm alright.

She always ignores me though, which is probably an understatement because she acts like I'm invisible/one of the overdue advertisements on the walls. Although I understand that this is for protecting my confidentiality it still breaks my heart and I don't actually mind if she acknowledges my presence. It's so hard to reconcile this "cold" T with the caring, loving, nurturing one whom I see once a week and acts like I'm the whole world for that hour.

I even saw her with her son twice, and her husband once, when he came to drop their son off. I got so jealous of that little boy because he gets to hold her hand and see her everyday, and she will love her a thousand times more sincerely than she does me.

Yeah, I'm weird.

[Petra5ed]

I've only run into my T in public once really and it was awkward because I was thinking about him when I suddenly saw him, so it was a twilight zone kind of moment.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by ombrétwilight

I've never run into my T in public but she is my school T so I do see her around a lot on campus. And I always freak out. I tend to see her in the cafeteria when she walks past me to grab lunch. Then I lose my appetite and my whole demeanor changes and people ask me if I'm alright.


She always ignores me though, which is probably an understatement because she acts like I'm invisible/one of the overdue advertisements on the walls. Although I understand that this is for protecting my confidentiality it still breaks my heart and I don't actually mind if she acknowledges my presence. It's so hard to reconcile this "cold" T with the caring, loving, nurturing one whom I see once a week and acts like I'm the whole world for that hour.


I even saw her with her son twice, and her husband once, when he came to drop their son off. I got so jealous of that little boy because he gets to hold her hand and see her everyday, and she will love her a thousand times more sincerely than she does me.


Yeah, I'm weird.

Nah, you're not weird. I'm a bit jealous of my T's small son too. And my kids are older than his. Go figure Rational goes straight out the window when it comes to our feelings for out Ts.

[JustShakey]

Back a while ago I was picking up takeout near my house and just as I was about to get out of the car I saw that the car parked beside mine was just like prevT's. I just sat frozen staring at it for a good minute. I was terrified. When I finally worked up the courage to get out and go get my food I couldn't stop trying to look everywhere at once, making sure she wasn't there. I couldn't get out of that place fast enough. It probably wasn't even her car. Sigh. Silly girl is silly.

[healed84]

In general it is not weird for me to see my T outside of his office, as I see both him and his family pretty regularly during the school year not only at the school, but our girls dance at the same studio. I saw him and his family yesterday, and that just freaked me out, b/c I am in this I am running away from T mode.. and I had just sent him an email telling him that, and all of a sudden I shopping in Target and there he is.. lol. That, caught me off guard.

I was explaining to H why it would be weird at all, and it my case I think it is weird because I know his wife and kids talk to them, etc.. but they don't know that I know him. The kids probably assume that I at least know of him as he is at the school picking them up a lot, but that is the extent of it. So, I try to avoid conversations where his kids, or wife would feel like they have to introduce me to him. T suggested, that there is no rule against ME telling his wife that he is my T.. that I could do that. Maybe one day I will.

[Lauliza]

I think it's mostly because they are associated so strongly with one particular identity to us- as a therapist and not just a regular person. When you see them out of that environment it's disconcerting. I saw my pdoc in his car once and didn't recognize him at first - it's like he was out of his natural habitat to me it is exactly the same as the way children react when they see a teacher outside of school.

[Healingchild]

Originally Posted by ombrétwilight

I've never run into my T in public but she is my school T so I do see her around a lot on campus. And I always freak out. I tend to see her in the cafeteria when she walks past me to grab lunch. Then I lose my appetite and my whole demeanor changes and people ask me if I'm alright.

She always ignores me though, which is probably an understatement because she acts like I'm invisible/one of the overdue advertisements on the walls. Although I understand that this is for protecting my confidentiality it still breaks my heart and I don't actually mind if she acknowledges my presence. It's so hard to reconcile this "cold" T with the caring, loving, nurturing one whom I see once a week and acts like I'm the whole world for that hour.

I even saw her with her son twice, and her husband once, when he came to drop their son off. I got so jealous of that little boy because he gets to hold her hand and see her everyday, and she will love her a thousand times more sincerely than she does me.

Yeah, I'm weird.

Ombretwilight
I would recommend you talk to your T about this. I once had a T when I was going to university. She was doing the counselling on campus. There were several times when I saw her and I was sure she must have seen me. But she acted like she didn't and this made me feel invisible, When I was a child being abused everybody acted like nothing was happening. My needs as a child didn't matter to my family. I was invisible. Now this is my stuff but by her ignoring me it felt like she was continuing the abuse. I'm sure your T is thinking she is doing the right thing. But for me here I am talking to her about the abuse. In other words the abuse is present in my mind and then by chance our paths cross outside her office and she is acting like I am invisible. I would rather she say hi and then move on. I would respect her boundaries. Just my stuff.

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by Healingchild

Ombretwilight
I would recommend you talk to your T about this. I once had a T when I was going to university. She was doing the counselling on campus. There were several times when I saw her and I was sure she must have seen me. But she acted like she didn't and this made me feel invisible, When I was a child being abused everybody acted like nothing was happening. My needs as a child didn't matter to my family. I was invisible. Now this is my stuff but by her ignoring me it felt like she was continuing the abuse. I'm sure your T is thinking she is doing the right thing. But for me here I am talking to her about the abuse. In other words the abuse is present in my mind and then by chance our paths cross outside her office and she is acting like I am invisible. I would rather she say hi and then move on. I would respect her boundaries. Just my stuff.

@Healingchild wow we are sort of in the same shoes. I am also a victim of physical and emotional abuse but my issue is that by ignoring me, T is reinforcing the fact that we could never be anything beyond T & client. There's probably nothing wrong with setting clear boundaries like this but if it happens again then perhaps I will speak to her. I hope things worked out for you and thanks for your advice!

[Soccer mom]

I have read that they can't acknowledge you unless you acknowledge them first due to confidentiality. I know mine through therapy and Hospice so I'm not sure how she would react now. I've seen her out before and initiated conversation.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I have read that they can't acknowledge you unless you acknowledge them first due to confidentiality.

That depends on where in the world you live, which professional organisation the T belongs to (because codes of ethics vary), and apparently also varies a lot depending on the individual T and their preferences.

My T acknowledged me first, the first time we ran into each other outside his office. I think he'd probably not acknowledge me if I was walking with someone else, or if he was not alone. But there is no rule that says he can't say "hi" first, in general.

[junkDNA]

ive seen my T in a lot of situations. i lived in a residential program for a long time and he was the clinical director there. our therapy has gone outside of the office a lot. sometimes we would eat lunch or dinner together (not just us alone but with others). we would go swing on the swings and have therapy. he drove me to a city 1.5 hours away to be with me during a lawsuit mediation. we flew to a different state to go to a training last year. hes come to where i live more than once during a crisis.

my T recently resigned from the residential program (i am still in it but i live off campus now). while he was getting his private practice office set up we would meet on a bench in a courtyard downtown. so yea our therapy has been kind of relaxed and he is open to anything that makes me feel safe. i was sexually abused by my former T so sometimes just being in an office with the door shut and talking to my T is triggering. T is aware of this and accommodates me as much as he is able to.

but the weird thing is, one time i was at a sushi restaurant and i was walking outside to have a smoke and T was coming in the door with his girlfriend's kids. he was playfully singing that "this girl is on fire" song as he was walking in. i saw him and stared and didnt say anything!!!! we just walked past each other. when i came back in he was at a table near me. after that happened and we met again for therapy he said i seemed uncomfortable. well i was. i guess because it wasnt planned or anything, it was random and unexpected. i like to be mentally prepared for things and that just happened all of a sudden.

so i think it makes a difference on the context of which i see my T in public