[growlycat]

In about an hour, I'll see CBT T for the first time in 8 weeks. Very nervous, almost don't want to go. Which is nuts because I've missed him terribly.

More to come!! Let's see how this goes.

[UnderRugSwept]

Good luck, I hope it goes well!

[pbutton]

Good luck! Let us know how it went.

I hope it goes well, too. Let us know!

YAY! Good luck growlycat

Originally Posted by growlycat

In about an hour, I'll see CBT T for the first time in 8 weeks. Very nervous, almost don't want to go. Which is nuts because I've missed him terribly.

More to come!! Let's see how this goes.

I hope things went well.

[Wren_]

How did it go????

[growlycat]

Well, that was interesting!!!

This morning, T let me into the main clinic office (I am his first of the day on Tues.)
I had a few minutes before we were to actually meet so I read a magazine. I could hear his coworkers ask T how his vacation was. He spoke in a low voice, something about having a patient in the waiting room and that he would tell them about it later. The other person sounded disappointed.

So he gets me in the waiting room, leads me to his office which he shares with others and I notice a huge pink dollhouse next to my chair. He groans and apologizes, blaming the child psych intern for junking up the office. I said, no need to apologize it's just funny.

He finally tells me where he went on vacation--a European trip (not the whole 8 weeks it sounds like) He didn't reveal much and seemed to want to get back to me in a hurry (yeah boundaries I know.)

I must have been overflowing with things to say because at one point he rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his eyes and said "Slow down, I'm feeling overwhelmed." This shocked me a little--Do I infect him with my anxiety on a regular basis? Would he tell me?

During our time he also said that he thought about me while driving in to our session (awww..) but then he said that he wondered how I'd react if he ever didn't make it in, would I feel like he didn't care? (um, what?? Have I ever been that patient who says "you don't care, I quit!!) I worry that seeing me fills him with dread. That makes me pretty sad.

Next week he wants me to make a food diary and share it with him. I told him it would be humiliating but I was willing to try. He tried to reassure me that we would be the only ones to see it, no one else ever has to see it. The point is, I don't want him to see it either.

Now I am worried that I have a bad psychological effect on him---infecting him with anxiety. Filling him with dread. I don't want to go back but I do. I didn't expect to feel so conflicted.

[HazelGirl]

I don't think that's what he meant at all! I think he was just trying to keep up with a lot and you were going through everything so fast that he couldn't.

[growlycat]

Hazelgirl, it is likely that I am reading the worst into my interactions with T today.
I appreciate your perspective!!

But it is common for me to worry that another person doesn't like me, is angry or annoyed with me, or even hates me. I always have to check in with myself and question those thoughts.

[sweepy62]

Awe growly, I feel that way especially with t. I'm sure does not dread you, I agree with hazelgirl . You had to fill him in on 8 weeks of stuff in a matter of minutes.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Hazelgirl, it is likely that I am reading the worst into my interactions with T today.
I appreciate your perspective!!

But it is common for me to worry that another person doesn't like me, is angry or annoyed with me, or even hates me. I always have to check in with myself and question those thoughts.

It's good to know this. I do the same thing. I've gotten into the habit of asking whenever I feel that way. It helps to hear from that person that what I am thinking isn't true.

[growlycat]

I plan on asking him next week if I ever leave him feeling anxious or if he feels like he is bracing for me to react badly if I feel he doesn't care.

That second one hurts because I've come a long way from being that person who would quit after every imagined slight from T.

I thought I wasn't like that anymore, but I worry that I put him on edge.

[HazelGirl]

I think most T's are used to that. A lot of their patients tend to be reactive. I think you're reading into his comment a bit too much.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Well, that was interesting!!!

Next week he wants me to make a food diary and share it with him. I told him it would be humiliating but I was willing to try. He tried to reassure me that we would be the only ones to see it, no one else ever has to see it. The point is, I don't want him to see it either.

Im starting on metformin this week for type 2 diabetes, tracking my blood sugar and starting to track my food. We can be tracking buddies.

[growlycat]

Thanks Hankster!!! Tracking is very helpful. T said that the very act of writing down what you eat can curb any tendency to overeat or eat poorly, once it can be seen in ugly black and white !