[Petra5ed]

Is it important to think about your childhood and talk about it in therapy, or is it better to not look back and just talk about current stuff? This of course for someone with a not great childhood. Or does it depend on how good or bad your childhood was?

My childhood was not great as both parents are arguably personality disordered individuals, however I know many people have way worse traumas than me. No one has ever been particularly keen for me to talk about it at all, and as a result I never have. Everyone loves to say how no ones childhood is perfect... Now I've forgotten a lot about mine anyways. But, my mother for example was hospitalized in a psych ward several times. She had hypochondria and was always "dying" of some health crisis or another. She would go on super mean abusive streaks then flip back to being overly loving. How do I talk about this or do I not bother?

[HazelGirl]

I believe that unless it is too destabilizing to talk about your childhood, it is always beneficial. At the least, you can learn how their attitudes and actions affect your thinking and ways of relating to others

[archipelago]

Sorry you had to deal with that; it must have been very confusing as a kid. The shifting especially.

I talk about aspects of my childhood, especially anything traumatic or attitudes that my parents had that may have had a strong influence on me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I do do a psychoanalytic type of therapy, we tend to only focus on the distant past as it relates to what is going on now or in the recent past.

The point of talking about childhood things for my therapist is not to work them through as if a child again, but rather to free myself from being too influenced or restricted by my past. Does that make sense?

The unexamined life is...... You know the rest.

[guilloche]

I think it's important. Two reasons jump out at me...

1. You might have reactions today that are based off childhood circumstances. So, your reaction in context may look like it doesn't make sense... but when you figure out where it comes from, it makes total sense. I think understanding where these things come from and how they were useful in one context can help us let them go today, and learn new ways of interacting.

2. Unresolved childhood crap and trauma. I *know* some of this stuff still affects me... my hope is talking about stuff with my therapist will help me "resolve" it (whatever that means!) and get on with my life. This probably is related to #1.

Are you sure your Ts aren't keen for you to talk about it? I didn't think my past Ts were either... but now, I think they just didn't want to lead me back to that. I think they would have been delighted had I started talking about it on my own. (I think?). Anyway, my current T is open to talking about this stuff... he does alot of family-systems work, so I think he finds it valuable in understanding the "context" that I came from.

Hope this helps. And, sorry about your mom. I think that would be very valuable to talk about with a T (assuming you have a good relationship with a good T). My guess is that a good T would be able to listen empathically, and see the connections with what happened in your childhood and how you react to people now... and help you see them too.

I'm not sure how you actually do that... maybe start with something like, "hey T, I've been thinking alot about some stuff from my childhood. It's a bit hard to talk about, but I'd really like to try... can you (help me out, listen, etc)?"

[Lauliza]

I think childhood stuff is always worth discussing as a way to learn about a person. Your past experience is what makes us who we are. There doesn't have to be a major trauma for it to be valid. I think very strict solution oriented CBT places little to no emphasis on your childhood, but that's because it's usually targeting something very specific like a phobia and focused on the here and now. Most talk therapy takes a look at your childhood, or I think it should. Otherwise it's almost impossible to get a sense of the whole person.

You could bring it up by starting your session by saying "I've been thinking a lot lately about some things from my childhood and wanted to discuss with you" or something like that...

[Leah123]

Our childhoods teach us lessons about what to expect from others and how to relate. Trouble is, many of those lessons are stored in our subconscious.

If the lessons you learned work really well for you: you're happy mostly, you're in strong, rewarding relationships, you're successful, then, no, I don't suppose you need to examine your childhood.

If you're struggling in any of those areas, odds are you have a lot to learn from your past, as do most of us.

The counter-argument being- if you don't have anything to learn, it won't bother you to go back- you'll discuss it, not be troubled, and move on.

That's what I tell myself when my resistance comes in.

Going through the past means going through some of the pain again, but it becomes rewarding when I share it, learn from it and make meaning, transform it into doing and being better in the present. Well worth it.

I've read all these posts with interests. I'm wondering if anyone is going through the same as me - I'm not so much talking about my childhood as re-experiencing my feelings all over again at a really great intensity. It's not very pleasant, and hard to bear.

[archipelago]

I've had times when I have re-experienced what must have been feelings from a childhood time. For instance, I frequently talk about a long hospitalization in a body cast at age 5 as a core trauma that had many consequences. There have been times when I've had access to the emotional experience. It was unbearable almost and must have been even more so for 5 year old. Once this happens though I feel relieved and have more of that processed. It gets lighter and becomes an event along with others.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I've read all these posts with interests. I'm wondering if anyone is going through the same as me - I'm not so much talking about my childhood as re-experiencing my feelings all over again at a really great intensity. It's not very pleasant, and hard to bear.

Yes, I have episodes of reexperiencing: it's a part of PTSD in my case. Very distressing, but an opportunity to heal and they've gotten a little easier to handle over time and with good therapy.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I've read all these posts with interests. I'm wondering if anyone is going through the same as me - I'm not so much talking about my childhood as re-experiencing my feelings all over again at a really great intensity. It's not very pleasant, and hard to bear.

Yes, I'm in the middle of that right now. It freaking sucks.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I've read all these posts with interests. I'm wondering if anyone is going through the same as me - I'm not so much talking about my childhood as re-experiencing my feelings all over again at a really great intensity. It's not very pleasant, and hard to bear.

Yes, all of the time. I don't even remember hardly anything about my childhood before age 11 or 12, but T and I figure out the story from the intense emotional memories. They are so real. Even infant feeling states.

You are definitely not alone.

I never thought of it as PTSD like Leah mentioned.

Petra5d, that is a tough question. I don't think there's any one right answer that applies to all--it is very individual. I can tell you though that most of my therapy is about the transference relationship, and the re-experiencing that comes with it. So our discussions are less about the past, and more about feelings generated by the therapy relationship.