[kororain]

The last three visits to T were supposed to be about CSA. Can't do it. All my life, I've been pretty straightforward in referring to my molester uncle. But I don't think I've ever gotten into the details with anyone except when I was little and disclosed to my mom, and then it got swept under the rug.

I have no idea how to even get to it. It's pretty simple, but I feel frozen and can't. I don't understand why T doesn't do anything to draw me out. It's weird. It's like she's making me do it, and I can't, so I guess that's that?

[ThisWayOut]

it's a tough subject. she's probably trying not to push you on it.
Would writing or art help to get it out, then show it to your t?

[HazelGirl]

It's probably that she doesn't want you to feel overwhelmed, and wants you to go at your pace.

[archipelago]

I do have a history of sexual trauma but not CSA so I don't know how that feels. While exposure is supposed to be the effective approach, it is not clear to me that it is necessary. And it is clear to me that it can't be done if someone isn't ready. Avoidance is part of the symptomology but for good reason. It's protective. My shrink thinks that things come up, including flooding and distress, only when we are able to handle it. It's like there is a balancing mechanism inside.

I agree with the suggestion about using other forms of expression like art. Non-verbal approached may access the emotions better and more safely. Some people can process trauma without direct discussion of all the details.

All that said, I have tried a kind of exposure. I had become flooded and was in agony. I decided to just jump in and go through a set of traumas to see if there would be an effect. I wrote out the introduction to set of events, right up to when things became traumatic, and brought them to session. I let him read them to me and picked up with a narrative of what happened. Each event took at least a session if not longer. After several consecutive sessions, the flooding stopped. And since then I have had no triggering, even of events that we did not cover. Pretty remarkable after living so long with serious PTSD

I've been working on it on and off for over 21 years ... It's been a very slow and arduous process ... We'll get there ... It just takes time ... And, a good therapist won't push us until we break ... They'll let us proceed at our own pace no matter how long it takes.

[kororain]

I think she wants me to just talk about it or get out.

She's nice and everything, but I think she basically thinks I should be able to talk about it, or she can't help me.

Maybe it's because I'm fairly forthcoming about everything else.

I don't know.

I brought it up to her before that I felt like she was saying if I don't talk about this, there's no point in returning. And she basically agreed that's the case. Which is bizarre because... I have plenty of other things to talk about. I don't get it.

And also she suggested EMDR. We talked about it and that was it. I dunno. Am I supposed to be proactive and be like, "EMDR! Yes please!" I really don't want to go talk to some new stranger about stuff and things.

Meh.

[kororain]

Also I told her I know what EMDR is and I could tell she didn't believe me. That was weird. Why would I not know what EMDR is? I come here. I even have a co-worker who did it. I could tell she didn't believe me that my co-worker did it. Weird. I hate having to "prove myself" to people. Why do I have to prove I know what something is?

Ugh.

[kororain]

You know, **** everybody who makes me prove myself.

[kororain]

Originally Posted by archipelago

I do have a history of sexual trauma but not CSA so I don't know how that feels. While exposure is supposed to be the effective approach, it is not clear to me that it is necessary. And it is clear to me that it can't be done if someone isn't ready. Avoidance is part of the symptomology but for good reason. It's protective. My shrink thinks that things come up, including flooding and distress, only when we are able to handle it. It's like there is a balancing mechanism inside.

I agree with the suggestion about using other forms of expression like art. Non-verbal approached may access the emotions better and more safely. Some people can process trauma without direct discussion of all the details.

All that said, I have tried a kind of exposure. I had become flooded and was in agony. I decided to just jump in and go through a set of traumas to see if there would be an effect. I wrote out the introduction to set of events, right up to when things became traumatic, and brought them to session. I let him read them to me and picked up with a narrative of what happened. Each event took at least a session if not longer. After several consecutive sessions, the flooding stopped. And since then I have had no triggering, even of events that we did not cover. Pretty remarkable after living so long with serious PTSD

Maybe pictures. I have pictures of the toys. I found them online. Maybe a horrible collage of all the toys that were there.

[HazelGirl]

Are you mind-reading? Because it sounds like you're assuming things based on your subjective experience in session.

[kororain]

Yeah, I'm sure I am mind reading, but when I questioned her previously on things she said, my understanding was correct. My first instinct is generally correct. It's when I overthink things that I run into problems.

[iheartjacques]

You don't have to. That and the issue of therapy are two separate things. I wasn't ready. I said that means I need to stop coming, he said no not at all, there are still other things to talk about. That can stay in it's box until I'm ready. Or I never have to. It's my choice.