[NowhereUSA]

for those that have a good relationship with their t and for whom such things matter, do you find yourself frustrated when your t contradicts your own negative perceptions about yourself?

i've been in therapy with my t for over five years. he knows me pretty well, i have to admit that. in the time we've been together he has expressed that he enjoys our sessions and that he likes to talk to me.

this baffles me. often my response is, 'you do realize i'm crazy right?'

he's tried over the years to help me re-frame my negative self-perception. hilariously, this gets me to open up. like i tell him all my dark fantasies and secrets and think, 'surely he's going to think i'm a loon now!' and then he doesn't.

i think he might not be the brightest bulb in the lamp.

do you do this? do you try to make other people deliberately not like you? he knows i do this and we discuss it but no matter how much work we do, i still don't believe him when he says nice things to me.

i don't know how to fix my self-esteem issues. :-/

[Polibeth]

I could have written this post.

My t tells me all the time she enjoys our sessions - and I'm befuddled. Why would anyone enjoy spending time with me?

We are working on my self-esteem issues but I have no suggestions on how to fix that - just wanted to let you know someone else is in the same boat!

[HazelGirl]

I am the same way. And yes, it used to sort of confuse me and make me frustrated.

What I did was start just throwing all my awful things at her, expecting that she would recoil from something eventually. But she never did. And I ran out of awful things to throw at her.

So I'm sort of at this place where, okay she likes me, which is weird and bizarre and confusing. But I do think she is genuine about it. Okay...

And so now I guess it will slowly start to apply to others? It has, in bits and pieces. I'm not nearly as suspicious. But I think that part will take a lot more time than I have yet given it.

[unaluna]

I think thats not how it works! My mother didnt like me, so i expected everyone not to like me, and that worked, unfortunately. If someone didnt get the memo and liked me anyway, i didnt like them - i rue those lost friends Now with ts unconditional positive regard, i have become the sweetest angel

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I am the same way. And yes, it used to sort of confuse me and make me frustrated.

What I did was start just throwing all my awful things at her, expecting that she would recoil from something eventually. But she never did. And I ran out of awful things to throw at her.

So I'm sort of at this place where, okay she likes me, which is weird and bizarre and confusing. But I do think she is genuine about it. Okay...

And so now I guess it will slowly start to apply to others? It has, in bits and pieces. I'm not nearly as suspicious. But I think that part will take a lot more time than I have yet given it.

this is what i do. i just keep hurling terrible things at him. :-/ Like wtf dude? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

[lunatic soul]

T cant say he doesnt like you and he has to say all that stuff so I dont trust them.

[stopdog]

I have never tried to get the therapist to like me (or dislike me either for that matter), and while she says other clients are more kind to her than I am, she has said she likes me. I don't find her dim, I find her manipulative. I think most of them would not become therapists if they did not perceive themselves as liking people. I think they are trained to try and help clients with self esteem and telling clients they are likable in some fashion is usual for therapists to do.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

this is what i do. i just keep hurling terrible things at him. :-/ Like wtf dude? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Eventually, you'll run out of bad things. And either you'll believe he is genuine (and probably a little crazy himself), or you will think he is lying and start to act out. I did a little bit of acting out once I ran out of things to throw at her. But she was just as frustratingly caring.

[ThisWayOut]

I do the same thing, though I currently don't have the benefit of having a t who knows me yet. I'm continuously baffled though when a former t (who knows a lot of the icky stuff) continues to be nice to me and says she would be happy to see me when i move back...happy?!?! Doesn't she mean scared?

You say 'for those these things matter', you do realise that not wanting to be liked is part and parcel of the same as wanting to be liked?

[NowhereUSA]

well. to some extent i do think he's genuine. when i discussed how therapy would terminate when we move eventually (a year or so), he told me that he would like to stay in touch with me in some form (and i know he doesn't do this with all of his clients).

i think that's what set this off. i was expecting him to say, 'well when we term that's that and see ya'' (except, y'know, skillfully) and then he said he'd like to keep in touch and i'm like 'wait. what? double take!'

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

well. to some extent i do think he's genuine. when i discussed how therapy would terminate when we move eventually (a year or so), he told me that he would like to stay in touch with me in some form (and i know he doesn't do this with all of his clients).

i think that's what set this off. i was expecting him to say, 'well when we term that's that and see ya'' (except, y'know, skillfully) and then he said he'd like to keep in touch and i'm like 'wait. what? double take!'

Talk about it with him. It will help.

[kororain]

I don't think whether or not T likes me really plays into it... I know how to behave properly, so I don't know why she would dislike me. I'm perfectly nice.

I don't thnk she likes or approves of lots of things that I do. But liking me and liking my actions are totally separate.

She's Christian. I'm atheist. I don't hold my marriage in particularly high regard. Stuff like that. I'm not sure how she files that stuff personally and mentally, bu we are not friends/buddies/pals so it really doesn't matter. As long as she continues to show up and not be judgemental, that's all I care about.

[Ambra]

That's exactly me. I keep talking about bad things I haven't told anyone, I need "evaluation" somehow and I want her to realize how terrible I am and waiting for the one thing that makes her say "well, this one actually makes you a bad person/is too bad.."
If I run out of those and have her still there reassuring me that all of them were ok and normal to do and feel maybe I will be ok.