[lostwonder]

I'm having a hard time here. I've e-mailed my T three times with no response. I know that he got them. He gets them on his phone. I will not call/text without an explicit invitation to do so. I disclosed some really big scary stuff and asked for a little encouragement. I think he hates me now. He is done with me. Disgusted by me. I keep telling myself that he is just busy. It is the weekend and he has a family. I don't quite believe it though. I think it is much more plausible that he doesn't know what to say, or wants me to work it out. I even think he may be attempting to tease out other parts of me. :::: I have a family to take care of too, and that is a chore these past couple of days rather then a pleasure.

[HazelGirl]

Maybe you could email him and ask him to call you when he gets a chance? It's possible he doesn't do work things on the weekend and wants to be home and fully focused on his family when he isn't working.

[lostwonder]

I will not call without an explicit invitation to do so. It being a weekend has never stopped him from returning an e-mail before.

[lostwonder]

He hates me. I've poisoned him with my toxicity and he hates me now.

[Abe Froman]

I think you may be jumping to a conclusion just a bit quick. I say always get the facts, all the facts. There seriously may be a good reason he hasn't responded that has nothing to do with you, perhaps a family issue, or out of cell range on a trip or who knows what.

When is the next time you see him? Discuss all of this with him then, exactly how you feel now. I'm sure he'll put your mind at ease about this toxicity thing, because I don't think that's true at all.

[lostwonder]

Tuesday.

[3xjj]

Disclosing to a therapist is different from disclosing to someone in your personal life. His job is to deal with anything and everything... from rapists, child molesters, and sadists to victims thereof... and all the in between. He is not going to be poisoned by you or put off by you.

I know it hurts that he didn't immediately reply to your emails, but as mentioned, he could have a variety of sensible reasons for not doing so. Its only been a day or two, correct? I know he's set up a pattern previously, but maybe someone else is needing his time. My own therapist never responds to emails. I think what you are experiencing will be a good focus for your therapy session on Tuesday.

[3xjj]

By the way, I think you may be panicking because you feel vulnerable and exposed. However, what you did by disclosing is healthy and important.

[unaluna]

Its not like the olden days, where you pretty much knew for sure a persons phone was out of order. His could be out of order and you would have no clue. It happened to someone else recently on here, their t stopped answering their texts. Email is even more complicated. So - i know its hard not to wonder.

[Crescent Moon]

I have universally had this experience:

Anytime I have chosen to disclose something by email that needs some sort of back and forth in order for me to feel okay, it generally doesn't go well. It can make me incredibly anxious to bring something to therapy that I just don't know what kind of reaction I'm going to get. So many times I've done it in a way that I've thought was easier.. writing it down where I can edit it and get it 'just right.' Then push send. Trouble is that when you push 'send,'... you're sending your vulnerable 'self' out into neverland - and have no way of knowing the outcome until you hear from that person. So if they are at the hospital for the next two days with their child due to a sudden emergent illness, you are going to sit there for a few days imagining everything under the sun. It's such a terrible place for us to be.

I had to go through that over and over quite a bit, before I finally learned that it's much better to deal with the anxiety and talk about it in session.. where I could get real-time feedback.

[lostwonder]

I've been heavily dissociative in session. I was really out of it when I e-mailed. My mouth won't work.

[lostwonder]

It would be a really bad idea to bother him again before Tuesday right?

[MoxieDoxie]

Some T's need to do self care and have rules for themselves not to return clients/patients emails on the weekend. They need down time too. I am grateful my T will respond to me if he is able. He does not hate you and he is not playing a game to tease more out of you. It is never bad as you think it is. Do make sure you have clear instructions for the next time this happens.

[lostwonder]

If he had never responded on the weekend I so wouldn't worry about it. I've never gotten a long reply and do not need a long reply. I know I'm being a drama queen over here.

[lostwonder]

Think I made it to the other side of my spiral. I have been kind of disconnected from reality this weekend. Thank you all for your voices of reason.

[lostwonder]

I woke up to a response this morning. He doen't seem to think all the horrible things I feared he did.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by lostwonder

I woke up to a response this morning. He doen't seem to think all the horrible things I feared he did.

Of course he doesn't. I do the same thing. I create all these awful scenarios in my head and assume they are true, when the reality is that none of them are and the exact opposite is true.