I am trying to find the link I originally found, but a few weeks ago I stumbled across the statistic that clinical therapists have somewhere near 25% divorce rate. At first that is very surprising to me, even knowing how high divorce rates are in general these days. But I guess after thinking about it, the thought that one's studies focusing on the human experience and understanding people would save marriages is idealist. I can imagine some Ts' experience has helped in marriage/relationship, and some it has hurt. It also must be hard to be in a relationship with someone who is not in the profession as a T because even though the training for clinical therapy is professional, and I've heard many can "turn it off" in the rest of their life, I can't imagine it wouldn't play a role in close relationships.

What do you think? Anyone surprised? Anyone expect average to high divorce rates for Ts? And I guess if anyone is studying in the field that would be an interesting perspective to get

[JustShakey]

Going out on a limb here...
In order to be a decent T you have to really grow and get to know yourself. If you are already married and your partner is not willing to do this work along with you I think it's a safe bet your marriage is doomed. Partners either grow together or grow apart. My T and others' Ts have said it and it may be cliched but it's true.

I'm almost certain previous T is divorced and T told me he was almost married (before his current marriage) and broke it off pretty much at the 11th hour. Being divorced or ending any long term relationship is as much a sign of growth as anything else and couples' therapy is often as much about closure as anything else. I know I've valued the appearance of stability to my detriment too many times in the past.

T is a family and marriage therapist. He said that he and others go down that path with the idealistic desire to save marriages, but that they very soon learn that not all marriages are meant to be.

[Willowleaf]

In the UK the divorce rate is around 42% so therapists are doing really well!

[Partless]

gwheatcubs16, these stats bother me. If therapists can't apply what they know to their own life, what hope is there for the rest of us? I used to assume that they live stressful lives and that may be what contributes to things like this. But I had come across other surveys that showed almost the opposite, that therapists feel less stressed than many other professions, perhaps partly because of their knowledge of relaxation techniques and them being so self-aware. Regardless, I find these stats bothersome.

JustShakey, nice that your T shares that stuff with you. My therapists have said those things are personal. I had asked my last therapist if she was married and she did not tell me.

Willowleaf, that's brutal, almost half the people, I wonder why get married!

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by Partless

gwheatcubs16, these stats bother me. If therapists can't apply what they know to their own life, what hope is there for the rest of us? I used to assume that they live stressful lives and that may be what contributes to things like this. But I had come across other surveys that showed almost the opposite, that therapists feel less stressed than many other professions, perhaps partly because of their knowledge of relaxation techniques and them being so self-aware. Regardless, I find these stats bothersome.

JustShakey, nice that your T shares that stuff with you. My therapists have said those things are personal. I had asked my last therapist if she was married and she did not tell me.

Willowleaf, that's brutal, almost half the people, I wonder why get married!

You get married for the same reason you get divorced - because hope springs eternal. I've had to learn this lesson in T. Being married is not an endurance test. If it's not working anymore it's time to end it. But just because something might not work in the future is no reason it doesn't work now. Marriage is good. Divorce is good too. Think of it as different stages in your life.

I didn't ask my T any of this stuff - he shared it because it's therapeutic for me. I had to learn that it's okay to end a relationship that's not working; that it doesn't make me a bad person. Now I'm working on the means and the courage to actually do it. 2015 is going to be a big year for me...

I also wonder if Ts tend to have more apprehension before marriage, or about getting married to any person knowing human nature and how, logically, no one ever meets "THE one". I'm actually just beginning to study psychology, so I guess I'm thinking about a bunch of random things down the road lol. Interesting to hear from everyone, though. Thanks for humoring me!

[Freewilled]

Considering the divorce rate here averages around 50%, I believe, I'd say that's pretty good! (Of course, I'm finding it hard to get any references to prove it's that high as there appears much speculation about how high the rate actually is....) Nonetheless, Marriage takes two people and codependency runs rampant in the helping professions IMO so.....either the rate is low because they try their best to make it work and "fix" it - or if you think it's high, well we cannot change others, only ourselves. I think it's unrealistic to believe therapists have a magic wand to change the world with

[Lauliza]

But that's a better success rate than the US, which is 50%.

Personally I think you are holding therapists to an unrealistic, unfair standard. Just because they have training in human behavior doesn't mean they don't have problems themselves. Divirce isn't am indicator of emotional instability (sometimes may be a healthy choice). Two people are involved in a divorce, so it's also not always something within a persons control.

A Therapist should be mentally healthy if they are treating others, that is true. That's why they have supervision and often see a T themselves. Everyone has stress in life so the important thing is that they can handle stress appropriately. They are also human and like everyone else on earth have their "stuff". I was told most professionals in this field choose it because they have some close personal experience with it, either themselves or family members. It is also precisely why they don't share much personal information about themselves with their clients.

[stopdog]

Of the 4 I have seen more than once (over a span of 30 years) - the three straight ones were divorced and the lesbian had several partners. I am not surprised. First, I don't consider therapists better at leading their own lives than anyone else and secondly I don't personally consider long term state sanctioned monogamy (I had no indication any of them were into polygamy and a couple of them had said another person was the reason for their divorce) a particularly useful goal.

[nottrustin]

few thoughts:

Just because a therapist knows what is best way to handle things doesn't mean it is easy. How many people here KNOW when they are doing things that aren't healthy but have a hard time making the changes.

T's are human.

Marriage and divorce is a 2 way street. We don't know if T was willing to do whatever it took to save the marriage but their partner was not.

Who knows when the divorce happened. My T was married right out of high school. Within a year they divorced because her hubby decided he didn't want to be married. It was a very traumatic experience for her and she saw a T to cope. At this point she was a college student in art classes. I don't believe she has been married since and she is 65... She is a workaholic.

[boredporcupine]

From one perspective, as a T, you spend all day pouring out your energy to be your best self. You have to be empathic, a good listener, positive, etc. You have to deal patiently with people's quirks, people expecting a lot of you, people being difficult. When you get home you might not have a lot left to be patient and understanding with a difficult partner. You might for a change want someone to be patient and understanding of you, and if your partner demands too much instead, that could be hard to deal with.

Having said that, most of the T's I know are happily married.

BTW, I think the 25% rate is the rate of people in that profession that list themselves as divorced, whereas the larger 50% statistic is the percentage of MARRIAGES that *eventually* end in divorce. The 50% statistic is inflated because 2nd and 3rd marriages are much more likely to end in divorce than first ones.

[feralkittymom]

The stat doesn't bother me one way or the other. It takes two to sustain a marriage, and I suspect that a lot of credit for successful marriages to those in helping professions rests with the spouses. That said, I do think self-awareness can contribute to keeping a good enough marriage going. But there are also generational differences that contribute to marriage longevity and economic influences (more recently, better economies lead to increased divorces as spouses can afford to leave marriages). I have to say I like that my former T has a long and satisfying marriage of over 60 years, and I think that stability gave me a sense of security on some level during therapy.

[stopdog]

Here is a blog that lists a study from 2010. It lists a lot of professions and divorce rates.
http://lexfridman.com/blogs/thoughts...by-profession/

[Myrto]

Very often it's much easier for me to point out patterns and problematic attitudes in my friends lives than in mine. I can offer great advice to my friends and be completely blind to my own issues because I don't have the same distance and objectivity when it comes to myself and the changes I should make.

I think it's the same for therapists. They can have great insight into their patients lives and still fail to communicate properly with their spouse or notice the harmful patterns in their marriage because they're too "close".

Therapists, they're just like us! They're human, basically.

Also, the nature of their job probably contributes to it. They listen to other people's problems all day long, when they go home, I'm guessing they want their partner to listen to them, they want to be taken care of. Which may clash with the needs of their spouse.

I'd expect rates similar to the general population but am curious.

Was searching for a credible source of information; I only spent 2 minutes on google, but the only thing I found was multiple references to this study that discusses psychiatrist divorce rates. I didn't see anything about therapists.

Over 30 years of follow-up, the divorce rate was 51 percent for psychiatrists...

PHYSICIANS' DIVORCE RISK MAY BE LINKED TO SPECIALTY CHOICE

[msxyz]

I don't think that's very high. We must not forget that marriages include 2 people and the therapist can only control themselves.

[NowhereUSA]

my t has made suggestions to me - my h and i are very committed to our marriage and it's against our beliefs to divorce and i do think we're well matched, just going through a rough spot right at the moment - and it's been interesting because i've said 'i wish my h would do x' and he once admitted, 'yeah, my wife says the same things and it's funny because i should know better!'

so i mean, it's easier sometimes to look into someone else's life and make suggestions when you're not emotionally involved in it.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by skies_

I'd expect rates similar to the general population but am curious.

Was searching for a credible source of information; I only spent 2 minutes on google, but the only thing I found was multiple references to this study that discusses psychiatrist divorce rates. I didn't see anything about therapists.

Did I read that right? Psychiatrists have the highest divorce rate of all specialties?

[tinyrabbit]

I don't see how you can conclude anything without knowing why they got divorced. I don't believe divorce is necessarily bad or a sign they can't help themselves.