[rainbow8]

This may be triggering, about touch and sex.

I told T I was scared about the touching and she wanted to know why. I don't know what came over me to say "what if I (skipping the words I said) right here in your office? " I then talked about the effects of the intensity of the last session and how it made me feel all week. I have such a need for touch and more, but can't get that with my H.

She told me again what the purpose of the touch is, not for sex, of course! So holding her hand is still the safest, most calming touch. The idea is for me to feel that inside of me. I know that. The other touch on my arm didn't make me cry.

I sent her an email all about sex and how I talked to her without blushing. I need to talk about it without it being too intense.

It's hard for me to differentiate between touch that feels good from touch that feels sexual, probably why it's controversial in therapy. It's helpful for me to explore those issues with my T.

[unaluna]

Not to generalize, but maybe the men ts can handle this stuff better than the female ts? My male ts responses to that question have been more along the lines of, "so what if you did? Would that be so terrible?"There is space for it in their rooms; she seems to be saying, not here. Idk what that means.

[sweepy62]

I guess I agree with hankster, as long as its not crossing boundaries or hurting anyone, that's the safest place to feel and explore, without shame or fear.

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Yeah, I don't know, Hankster. I can see my T refusing to engage in certain types of touch if I told him I was responding sexually when he touched me that way.

ETA: It's an interesting idea, though, and I think you may be right that male T's are more comfortable with the idea that the other person is thinking of them in a sexual way at least part of the time. My T's response to me telling him about sexual thoughts was much more along the lines of we all get a free pass on things we think about but are never actually going to do.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by hankster

Not to generalize, but maybe the men ts can handle this stuff better than the female ts? My male ts responses to that question have been more along the lines of, "so what if you did? Would that be so terrible?"There is space for it in their rooms; she seems to be saying, not here. Idk what that means.

My t didn't shame me when I asked that. She asked if I really thought that could happen but I don't think I answered. Later when she touched my arm and hand she brought up the purpose of the touching, and I said " not for sex" and she went on to say about feeling the sense of safety and good feelings inside of me. When she slowly took her hand away, I felt a loss that was tangible. I said I wanted to take her hand with me! She said she understands and that's what we're working on. The sexual feelings in the session are just something to be aware of, she told me.

It's good she didn't shame you, Rainbow.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I guess I agree with hankster, as long as its not crossing boundaries or hurting anyone, that's the safest place to feel and explore, without shame or fear.

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I agree. I'm glad I can talk to my t about all this. That was my point. I don't want the physical reaction to interfere with the touch work though.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Yeah, I don't know, Hankster. I can see my T refusing to engage in certain types of touch if I told him I was responding sexually when he touched me that way.

ETA: It's an interesting idea, though, and I think you may be right that male T's are more comfortable with the idea that the other person is thinking of them in a sexual way at least part of the time. My T's response to me telling him about sexual thoughts was much more along the lines of we all get a free pass on things we think about but are never actually going to do.

All I know is that if I saw a male T I wouldn't be able to do touching at all! My t and I can discuss all this and I'm glad I can be honest with her!

[sweepy62]

I'm happy about rainbow that is my goal one day.

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[rainbow8]

I think there's the oxytocin reaction that's purely physical but happens because of the emotional intimacy (this was brought up in another thread), and then there's the reaction that feels sexual. Then there's the good feeling that feels safe. Bottom line is to get these needs met, especially sexual ones, outside of therapy.

Writing this is TMI. I've got to get busy with other things now.

[unaluna]

Just want to say, its always been an across the room thing for me, no touching involved for me at these times. As i remember it!