[Jordy]

I had group today and need to vent a bit. Group went ok, even though I've had a migraine all day and at to leave work at 1pm, it was better by 6pm when I had group but not all gone.
Anyway after group I've asked T if there was anything I could do about my migraine as Nurofen which used to work doesn't do the trick anymore. I also mentionned the migraine being triggered by my brother aka my abuser having lunch with us yesterday.
T asked how many pills I'd taken and she said it was way too much, that this was self-harm... duh T I took one too much yesterday, read the instructions in the morning and refrained from taking more. It's not like I was taking them to harm myself! I can fight the urge to self-harm, to drink, to drive recklessly, but what can I do when my body turns against me?

Then T said again that I need to a radical change of life.... I know!!! But right now the question is: how do I get rid of this damn migraine? Not what I need to do long-term!

Then she looked at me and said: Jordy, I often don't know what to do with you. I see you getting worse and worse lately and nothing seems to help. I often feel helpless and discouraged when it comes to you...

I didn't answer, but kept thinking... if she's discouraged, how should I feel? I spend every day of my life fighting in some way to get better. I try everything I can and realize I'm stuck in the middle of a mess that wasn't caused by me. If she can't help, who can? is there any point in me fighting anymore? Right now I honestly don't know if I will ever have a normal life...

[Altered Moment]

Then she looked at me and said: Jordy, I often don't know what to do with you. I see you getting worse and worse lately and nothing seems to help. I often feel helpless and discouraged when it comes to you...

That doesn't seem to be a very good thing to say to you. Maybe T should keep that to themselves!!!

As far as the migraine I would see a medical doctor. A T is not qualified to address that.

Keep fighting. Therapy and making changes can be a long battle.

[Jordy]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

That doesn't seem to be a very good thing to say to you. Maybe T should keep that to themselves!!!

As far as the migraine I would see a medical doctor. A T is not qualified to address that.

Keep fighting. Therapy and making changes can be a long battle.

T is a Pdoc... she suggested a few meds she could have prescribed, but no I have to go and try to get an appt with someone else tomorrow...

As I also think she shouldn't have said that...

[sweepy62]

I think she should have kept that comment to herself, that's one of those "not in the best interest of the client" comments. I hope your migraine gets better, it takes a while to shake those off.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jordy]

I know she shouldn't have said this, and it makes me wonder whether she's going to terminate me or not. And if not, whether she is able to help me anymore or not?

She's the best T I've ever had, but if even she can't help who can I turn to?

Lately I've often felt like she was thinking I wasn't trying hard enough, but I don't know how to do any more than I'm already doing. I'm really trying I swear...

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm sorry for what your T said. It wasn't very supportive.

For migraines, have you tried the more simple solution: ibuprofen and caffine? That way you're not putting more dangerous prescription drugs in your body. What I like to do: take ibuprofen and go get a coffee with shots of espresso in it. Too much ibuprofen and caffeine isn't healthy either, but I think it's safer than prescriptions.

While I don't think she said this in the most graceful way, I do think she is doing you a favor by saying something has to give or you will continue to slide. Is it at all possible to make the dramatic change she suggests?

[Angelique67]

Sometimes I wonder if a lot of what they say is more about them than about their patient.

[unaluna]

You are in an impossible situation - why did you have lunch with your abuser? There is nothing your t can do to stop you. You will get a migraine - the negative energy has nowhere else to go! So your t gets her own "migraine".

[Jordy]

licketysplit: I'm working on myking those changes. Her goals for me are to get a full-time job and then move out as I still live with my mother in the house it all happenned in.
I've already started taking more responsibility at work, and working more hours, but it's not full time yet, though this is supposed to happen over the next few months. T doesn't really understand how this company works and that with my supervisor anything related to being paid more is a long process...

hankster: I wouldn't have had lunch with him if I hadn't been put on the spot. I was barely given 10 minutes notice that he was coming over. I know I could and should have left at that point, but I was so shocked I didn't even think of it.... I try not to be around when he comes here, but this was so unexpected... even though my mother knew for days that I felt so betrayed and was unable to keep myself safe.

[thickntired]

I think that was completely uncalled for to be so harsh. As for meds your T didn't go to medical school and is uninformed. You may want to talk to a MD about topamax. It's cheap and my medical asst said excedrine migraine can cause what's called a rebound headache. They found that topamax is not an effective mood stabilizer so a pdoc probably isn't the person to ask.

[msxyz]

I would ask her how this self disclosure was supposed to be helpful to you.

[SnakeCharmer]

Originally Posted by Jordy

She's the best T I've ever had, but if even she can't help who can I turn to?

Lately I've often felt like she was thinking I wasn't trying hard enough, but I don't know how to do any more than I'm already doing. I'm really trying I swear...

Jordy, there's a therapeutic technique called paradoxical intention. Dr. Victor Frankl, who founded Logotherapy, advocated its use with patients who seemed stuck and not making progress. The therapist says something to intensify the client's emotional state in order to help the client understand the irrationality of the emotional reaction.

This technique was very popular back in the 60s and 70s. With a skilled therapist, it can be an effective way to ignite the patient's fighting spirit, to bring out a defiant attitude that says, "I'll show you, I will make progress, no matter what you think, you dirty doubting dog of a T!"

I think your therapist was trying a little paradoxical intention in an attempt to show you the irrationality of suffering through unrelenting migraine pain after having lunch with your abuser. I totally get being too shocked to know what to do in the moment. Maybe your T wants you to get proactive and come up with a plan on how to handle any future surprises such as what happened, which would be enough to give anyone a migraine.

The work of Viktor Frankl would easily come to my mind if someone I knew had had to endure a lunch date with their abuser. I really do think your T was using one of Dr. Frankl's techniques to try to motivate you to keep going. If that's what she did, it means she has great faith in you and your desire and ability to transcend the traumas you've suffered. Great faith.

Viktor Emil Frankl, M.D., Ph.D. (26 March 1905 – 2 September 1997)was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist as well as a Holocaust survivor.

Frankl was the founder of logotherapy, which is a form of existential analysis, the "Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy".

His best-selling book Man's Search for Meaning (published under a different title in 1959: From Death-Camp to Existentialism) ...chronicles his experiences as a concentration camp inmate, which led him to discover the importance of finding meaning in all forms of existence, even the most brutal ones, and thus, a reason to continue living.

Frankl became one of the key figures in existential therapy and a prominent source of inspiration for humanistic psychologists.

Man's Search for Meaning was first written in something like 1948, and may sound dated nowadays (the title wouldn't fly in a book published today.) It inspired me in ways I can't even describe when I first read it as a 20 year old. I've read it maybe once a decade since then. I highly recommend it for anyone trying to find meaning in whatever chaotic, unfair and brutal traumas they may have experienced. It was probably one of the most important books for me to read when I was still reeling with confusion. If you read it, Jordy, your therapist may not seem quite so WTF.

[Jordy]

SnakeCharmer you are actually maling sense especially as T knows the only reason I started seeing her 3 years ago was because I risked losing my best friend because of my BPD. He had tried to be supportive for years, but my outbursts became too much and caused huge stress on his relation with his at that time pregnant fiancé. I knew my only chance to keep him in my life was therapy so I got help...
She exactly knows I'd do anything not to lose a person in my life, her included, even if I'm not capable of doing that exact same thing for myself. So I can see how she could hope that by making me worry about losing her she would push me in the right direction... A year ago she actually quit seeing me individually until I had applied to a job, not getting an interview or anything, just give her proof I had send an application in.

The more I think about this, the more I realize this woman gets me more than I even realized and that even when she hurts my feelings it's always in my best interest.