[musinglizzy]

I'm sure this has been discussed an endless number of times here, I hope no one minds my bringing it up again. Of course, my therapist, and so many other people say that crying is a great release. Helps push all those toxins out, etc etc. I get that, even though you feel rotten while you're doing it.

There have been a few times I've cried, just a little, in session, but most of them were just a couple/few tears, not really a "letting go." My T says my "containing" is my biggest issue, my biggest road block in therapy. That I don't let things flow. I'm trying. But at times my emotions feel just so turned off....and no matter how hard I try, I can't get them to turn back on.

I'm actually looking up articles online on "letting go" in therapy. I'm wondering if anyone has some resources that worked well for them. I suppose the longer I hold on (even though I'm not consciously trying to), the longer it will take me to make some steps in the right direction.

I am not trying to defy her (my T) or appear stone faced or cold or unfeeling, I'm the complete opposite. I feel EVERYTHING. But I just can't get myself to let go, and it has nothing to do with her, or with therapy in general. I really LIKE my T and feel comfortable with her. I LIKE how comforting and reassuring she is when I AM having a hard time (which isn't very often). But instead of letting my emotions out, I find myself clamming up and just checking out. I don't mean to do it, it just happens. I think if I feel like I could cry, that happens first... my T has learned to pick up on the signs, and will actually ask me to "stay here," or come sit by me and rub my back to try to keep me from "going away." I think this is a defense mechanism in a way, and dissociating or whatever I'm doing seems to happen when the tears should be.

I WAS raised in an environment where I did not feel safe to cry. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." So I was trained not to cry. It didn't always work, and I did go through a phase in my life where I could cry at the drop of a hat, but I hated that too. Now I'm to the point where I just can't.....not very well anyway. And I WANT to. Because I do believe it when I'm told that it will help me, not hinder me. And, I think it would be better to let myself cry in a comforting, controlled environment such as my sessions, than in my car in the parking lot afterwards, or not at all. I just want to let go, or at least let T know I'm trying. Any advice?

[HazelGirl]

Could you start by saying things like "I want to cry, but can't right now" when you feel that way in therapy?

[ScarletPimpernel]

I excel at crying! In that regard, we're different. But I hate crying...for many reasons. I feel like if I start to cry I'm going to lose control over my emotions and then I'll lose control over myself. I know I'm in a bad place if I cry. I usually won't let my T give me a tissue because I feel like I'm giving myself permission to cry. When I disclosed my past with my T, I cried and cried and cried. She was so happy...because I finally accepted her tissues.

I grew up in a household that rarely ever expressed emotions. My parents never yelled or even fought in front of us. My mom cried quietly in her room. My dad expressed anger by a simple sigh. Having depression in a house like that, I got told a lot to stop being a baby, suck it up, even go away. I still cried, but never again in front of people.

My T tells me all the time to stay with her when we're talking about something difficult. She also knows when my mind starts to shut down or wander off.

It is a defense mechanism. It's a habit. I don't have any advice on how to allow yourself to cry with your T. Maybe some relaxation? Maybe you can somehow meditate so you feel like you're in a different place? Or maybe further analyze with your T your experiences with crying?

[musinglizzy]

Thanks for the input! I will tell her when "I wish I could just cry." Reason being, I get the shakes real bad instead. She says the shakes are a defense mechanism, it's my body fighting off the tears/emotions. I do wish I could cry rather than shake. But, it seems it's shake (to the point where it's quite visible to T) or check out. I don't want to do either one, I know it's hindering my progress. I do everything I can to try to make sure she knows I'm taking therapy seriously, and that I'm not trying to just be difficult. I feel like I'm open with her....but I feel like she thinks at times I'm holding back. As far as I know, I'm not, except the tears. But...she's flat out said she's not giving up on me....and I believe her. But I want to make the best of my sessions.....I see her tomorrow, I guess that's why this comes up now. I see her twice a week (although she had to cancel our second session last week). I WISH I could just let it all out. But, it feels like I'm just empty. Nothing there. Ya know?

[Freewilled]

Yes, I know. Completely I hear your strong desire to please your T. I have that, too. I actually think I'm at war with this desire to please my T. In my situation, part of me desperately wants to please him for a number of complex reasons and part of me despises this desire to please. It disgusts her, lol. So they are at war and I can't do it. Probably not until I resolve it....

Do you ever feel like there's a conflict internally about this?

[Abe Froman]

I wish I could do it. But I'm changing T's to a guy now. I suspect there's little to no chance that I do it in front of him.

[LilacLime]

I really want to cry. The most I've ever gotten is a few tears which I blatantly ignored even though I'm pretty sure T saw them. In a really bad session she's even handed me the tissues, but still nothing.

Personally, I'm just really afraid of her reaction to it. I don't even know what kind of reaction I want her to have. I guess the fear of the aftermath currently outweighs my desire to cry in session and my curiosity of what her reaction would be.

[musinglizzy]

Lilac, what kind of reaction would you like to have? That was one of my fears, also, but she's shown me what she's "capable of," so that fear is gone now.

I honestly don't think I'm trying to please my T. I want to feel what she says I'll feel. I hate having the shakes, and I know the shakes are my body's way of fighting the tears. I'd rather have the tears. The shakes get terribly annoying, and tire me out physically. I'd rather cry.

I don't feel any internal conflict at the time, I don't think.... I can't control the shakes, and I can't cry instead, which annoys me to no end. I just wanna let 'er rip. ANd see how I feel afterward.

[iheartjacques]

I cry way too much. He said let your tears go, it's a catharsis, and you'll feel better later on. Problem is I get sick afterwards if I've cried for days. He said because my immune system gets stressed and can't fight off the viruses. But long term, yes I am better.

[RedSun]

Musing, I can't cry either, and I shake too. Which I hate cos I feel like a loon!
I suspect my anti anxiety meds stop me crying, might that be an issue with you? I also feel that I fear if I do start crying, I will never stop, and I will lose control...ugh.

A little aside I've noticed...t issues = tissues. No need to thank me.

[musinglizzy]

Red, I don't take my anxiety meds before going in to see my T. I want her to see me as I am, not how I can sometimes be a bit more laid back on the meds. So she sees the real me.....but I always keep them with me, usually pop one when I leave, or as soon as I get home.

But yes, the shaking....my gosh, it's almost embarrassing!

[healed84]

I don't have much advice, I have never really cried in therapy, Just last week at my session was the first time that T could see that I was "getting emotional." So, tears were starting to well up in my eyes, but not a full out crying. However, I see that progress.. I am thinking as time goes on, I will learn more and more to let go and one day.. the tears really will come. Because, truly I want to open up, I want to let it all go!

[Soccer mom]

I wish I had an answer too. I seem to have it in reverse - few emotions in my sessions, all my tears afterwards and in between. I guess as long as I see her as my mother, the tears won't come since they weren't allowed.

[JustShakey]

I shake too - see username. Last session I was laughing really hard at something silly and I could hear/feel it almost turning into sobbing. Not surprising because I hide my emotions under humor all the time.
I don't mind the shaking though, it feels strangely good. Almost as good as crying might I think.

[nottrustin]

I have never really been a crier. Since going on depression medications I have noticed it is even harder.

I have cried couple of times in therapy. The first time she got up and handed me a tissue but kept talking. I sort of broke the "flow" and It immediately was able to stop talking. The next time she didn't offer me a tissue but I still stopped pretty quickly. I often wish I could just let go.

I think it all stems from being uncomfortable and feeling helpless when others are crying. I hate seeing people in pain. I don't want to cry and make other people feel that way.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I thought I wasn't a crier in T either. Hadn't done it in 3 yrs and 9 months. Tear-free despite wanting to cry throughout some very difficult times.

But. (y'all knew there was one ) recent and perhaps permanent onset of must-censor-onself-to-describe pain have caused eruptions of screams and tears. These past 4 weeks I've gone from desert to rainforest.

T somehow makes it comfortable without saying something goofy like, "there, there" (where?) or "let it out" (I'm crying not a flasher ).

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I would recommend reading up on dissociation (not DID) and grounding techniques to help not check out.

[LilacLime]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Lilac, what kind of reaction would you like to have? That was one of my fears, also, but she's shown me what she's "capable of," so that fear is gone now.

I honestly don't think I'm trying to please my T. I want to feel what she says I'll feel. I hate having the shakes, and I know the shakes are my body's way of fighting the tears. I'd rather have the tears. The shakes get terribly annoying, and tire me out physically. I'd rather cry.

I don't feel any internal conflict at the time, I don't think.... I can't control the shakes, and I can't cry instead, which annoys me to no end. I just wanna let 'er rip. ANd see how I feel afterward.

I'm torn on this issue. Part of me wants her to come sit on the couch with me and maybe just hold my hand or put her hand on my leg or shoulder or something. I wouldn't want her to hold me though that would be too close for me at least the first time. I have issues with personal space. I guess I just really don't want her to sit across from me and just sort of watch me cry that would be really uncomfortable for me. The second option is far more likely than the first and because of that I haven't cried even though I've come quite close recently. I wish we could comprise something in between the first and second option, but I'm not sure what it would be. Ugh this boundaries thing is very frustrating.