I have always trusted my T and she has always seemed to deal with everything without a false step. Maybe I am overblowing this because of the too-high regard I had for my T, but something she said recently has me second guessing anything I think may be worth bringing up in therapy. I recently had a rare session with my mother in the room, and basically I had previously expressed an interest in music and said that I wished I had taken it up earlier but that I thought it was too late to pursue it now, and I just enjoy it as a hobby. My mom brought it up as a true talent of mine at the very end of our session together, and the T's response was "it's good to hear that's actually real". I understand it's important to get the wording right in this instance, and that is exactly how she said it. I was a little shell-shocked. That small interaction has caused me to second guess myself both in session, and ESPECIALLY between sessions, even though it's all rather recent. I don't know how to progress, although I did leave a message for my T telling her that I would like to bring newfound therapeutic insecurities up in our next session. But otherwise, I've made so much progress the only thing that I have apprehensions about is that I feel so terrible in between sessions and then I'm starting to hold back in session

[HazelGirl]

Could you bring this up with your T? That sounds like a major "oops" and something she could probably correct if you gave her the chance to explain.

I did bring it up in the one session I've had between then and now. I just didn't think it would have so much of an effect on me yet. So I kind of brought it up as a joke and she just responded with the generic "it's always good to hear a third-party perspective on something". I do plan on getting a better explanation from her next session, and that is most of the reason why I left a message just to make sure that I don't hold back what I plan on asking

[guilloche]

Wow. That would bug me too... alot. One of my big things with new T that I keep telling him is... I need him to be on MY SIDE. Period. Part of that is actually, you know, believing me when I tell him things... or at least giving me the benefit of the doubt that I know what I'm talking about. A comment like that would really upset me and give me doubts too.

I hope you can talk it out with your T and let her know how you feel!

And... ooh I love the phrase "newfound therapeutic insecurities" - can I steal that one for my own T?

[Leah123]

That would definitely bother me as well and I hope they have a reassuring explanation when you bring it up.

Originally Posted by guilloche

And... ooh I love the phrase "newfound therapeutic insecurities" - can I steal that one for my own T?

Haha I couldn't think of any other way to put it! It's definitely a unique relationship, the T-client one, and of course you can use that one!

I just hate the idea that all the good she's done for me, while I will always be thankful, may be outweighed by one interaction, and I may never be able to feel the same security. And it was so out of character

[Leah123]

I think it's totally ironic that she'd take your mother's opinion about a talent as "real" - is there anything more biased than the way mothers view their children, ha.

So, if that was your T's stance, I think she wasn't being too thoughtful at all about it.

I hope you have faith in yourself, and convey it to your T- she really needs to take your word on these things!

Originally Posted by Leah123

I think it's totally ironic that she'd take your mother's opinion about a talent as "real" - is there anything more biased than the way mothers view their children, ha.

So, if that was your T's stance, I think she wasn't being too thoughtful at all about it.

I hope you have faith in yourself, and convey it to your T- she really needs to take your word on these things!

It's funny you say that because my mom even prefaced that little spiel with "I know he's my son BUT..."

This would really get to me. It's good that you're otherwise making good progress, but ouch. I can't believe she doesn't even see how that was an undermining thing to say.

[Debbie07]

You know what's funny, she'll advise me to do something and I don't, and I don't, and I don't, and then when I do it works out lol I haven't actually told her this, but since the two times I have followed her advice it worked out well, now I catch myself resisting and think to myself, hey, you're resisting, go for it

It's funny how she tells me all the time, You're not listening, and I think to myself, Oh I heard it, I'm just ignoring it lol It's not something I do on purpose, but I do notice when I do it.

[HazelGirl]

Part of this also is that it's only been a very short time. You won't know whether you can get past this and continue your work with your T for some time. It's possible it will just take time to deal with it and then you'll be fine.

[ThisWayOut]

Wow. Horrid wording choice on her past if she meant it to be positive. I hope you guys can talk more about it. Glad you are willing to give it another try in terms of bringing it up.
Also, I totally hear you on the resistance to what t suggests. I've found with this current t, I have a lot of transference and react to her like I do to my parents, which brings out the snotty 17 year old in me... I've been trying to let her know it just tales a while for what she says to sink in. Lol.

[vonmoxie]

It's unfortunate that in the process of a therapist's investigative analysis they can so often fall back on a default action of questioning everything they hear. To me it creates significant potential for iatrogenic injury to occur, when they allow the "therapeutic" environment to be a place where everything is assumed to be unreal until proven otherwise. At worst it's just lazy methodology, and at "best" an understandable result of job fatigue, though still representing rather lazy tactics. My own myriad problems and they are many, do not happen to include a propensity for delusional thinking; yet they seem unable to take it off the table. All day long, with the exhausting, derailing, pointless second guessing.. Yes, having to continuously "prove" simple truths can drive a person a bit mad, as it has the potential to be disruptive to one's relationship with "what's real".

And it can be quite difficult to help from the position of client due to the power imbalance, the focus being hyper-directed 100% on the client, and the deflective skills of the practitioner: answering questions with a question, invaliding the face value of questions they don't like, etc. etc. (And contrary to what some of my past therapists have thought, it has given me no pleasure at all to get involved at that level. It's simply so frustrating to watch them actively derail a train which has already cost me wads of money and time and potentially some of the very sanity I've come for help with. There's truly no sport in it for me.)

But: if it was me, and I felt my investment in the therapeutic relationship was worth trying to salvage, I would really challenge your therapist about where that assumptiveness is coming from, what purpose it serves, and why your mother would be considered a more credible witness than you. Bearing in mind a questionable success rate for doing so: as readily as they are able to dish it out, I've found that few.. some percentage.. (er.. trying to find the kindest way to phrase this.. well anyway..) not all therapists are likewise able to handle being challenged themselves. But what option is left, when you're consistently being treated in a way that has the potential to injure you?

Of course, that is just my opinion.

Thanks everyone. I have a pretty clear idea of what I'd like to talk about next Wednesday at our next session, but in the meantime it's EATING at me because it feels like there's a huge question mark in place of one of the pillars of support (so to speak) in my life. I feel trapped because it's something that's most appropriate to talk about and evaluate with her. I'm pretty confident in myself for Wednesday, but I do know I may not like what I hear, and I can't just leave it alone til my session because I'm so concerned about the outcome. I'm trying to keep it from bringing me down and telling myself that in reality it's not that bad and I can address it soon enough, but I'm feeling kind of depressed anyway.

I had my phone in hand wanting to leave a message before I realized I didn't want to prematurely discuss what I want to say in person, expecting an explanation for her words. But when I'm really feeling down like I am now, I usually get in touch w my T and in like 5 minutes she helps me out with a plan or quick advice. If possible I stick it out til next session, but otherwise she has been accommodating in adding a sooner session if possible. Needless to say, in this case I'm just too confused to refine what I would say quickly and over the phone, and in the meantime I am itching to get past this and no matter how much I try to forget about it until next week, it is extremely troubling while I'm trying to just go about life the next 5 days.

Any advice?

[vonmoxie]

Mine would be to write out what you want to say, what you want to cover, and ultimately finish with having a brief bullet point list that you can bring with you to session.

Estimate how much time you think it might take to talk out, and what you need to do to remind yourself to bring up early in the session that you have a topic you want to talk about, and what you need to do to ensure that enough time is made available within the session.

Once you've outlined those things, put it aside til then, knowing you've got it worked out!

Hope your session has positive outcomes. On those occasions when I have managed not to be knocked off kilter by my therapist in similar situations, and spoken my mind, it has definitely resulted in more conscientious practice on their part, as well as a greater sense of pride for me for all the obvious reasons.

[HazelGirl]

Try journaling about it and writing it out. That might give you more clarity and help you focus on exactly what you want to say to her.

To add insult to injury:

I always wanted to give my T something, but not of any monetary value just in case, and I thought of all the lovely things many of you create for your T's as gifts and I thought that's what I want to do! But painting, drawing, sculpting...really any visual art is NOT my thing. I like it, but have no ability, that is. So here's the kicker:

I was planning on recording just a small instrumental piece as my art/expression of appreciation and giving that to T. Needless to say that little project is no more lol

Sorry to bump up this thread, but I think it's better than starting a new one. I just want to thank everyone for the encouragement to document and bring up all concerns with my therapist. I had a breakthrough session yesterday, and I talked about everything I wanted to and she was completely understanding. She acknowledged that she wasn't being thoughtful with that particular interaction, and even brought up another time that she said something and worried between sessions it may have hurt me.

To be specific, it was during a session in which I told her I wished I knew her outside of therapy and that it felt like I had a crush on her. At some point I brought up something my old T, a male, said about dual relationships, and she said jokingly "did you have a crush on him too?" Looking back, I think I welcomed that humor in the tough conversation, even though it wasn't the most sensitive thing to say. I guess that actually gave me a sense she was being real with me. The fact that she openly admitted regretting that, being embarrassed, and that she thought about it afterwards when I hadn't thought twice about it really made me feel that while she may naturally have the "power" in therapy, there is a healthy balance and she has no problem being accountable. We have also openly talked about how at the beginning of my therapy I probably needed her to be on a pedestal, but now I feel little bit of vulnerability on her part just enough to make me feel comfortable and remind me that she's another human doing her best.

So I think from now on there is going to be a much more open relationship and, now that I realize it won't come across as resentful confrontation, I will bring up any concerns as I see fit. Both my T and I are happy about this progress

[catlady83]

Is it possible that when your mom was so insistent that you had real musical talent that your therapist just wanted to conform to her that "Yes, I believe you that it's real"? If your therapist truly does have doubts about your honesty, that's certainly something to talk about in your sessions. Another likely possibility is that she just misspoke.

Originally Posted by catlady83

Is it possible that when your mom was so insistent that you had real musical talent that your therapist just wanted to conform to her that "Yes, I believe you that it's real"? If your therapist truly does have doubts about your honesty, that's certainly something to talk about in your sessions. Another likely possibility is that she just misspoke.

This was the main topic of yesterday's session, and before I even said it, she mentioned how she could imagine the trust issues that might arise from a thoughtless statement.

The main stride I made was directly asking questions of her, which I just left alone in the past because we were making progress and I didn't want to mess with that.

So, for example, I first asked for an explanation of her comment.

Then, more difficult for me to do, was ask direct and simple "yes or no" questions. I bluntly asked "Do you trust me when I say things?" and went along those lines the rest of the session. She really allowed for me to ask everything I wanted to and needed to in order to be truly assured about the therapy.

[iheartjacques]

I hate that! "That's good to hear it's real". god, sounds like they don't believe you! I need my T to be on MY side