[Ambra]

I start to be worried.
I was supposed to see my T last thursday - and I really needed to because I'm going through some huge changes and I will be relocated for work reasons (she knew there could be a chance but didn't know the last updates, but she knew how afraid I was of it and how I was trying to avoid it).

So last thursday a few hours before our session she called me to say she was suddenly ill and couldn't come to session. I said, sorry about that, take a rest, get well soon and see you next week. I didn't want to stress her with new time arrangements and I thought she would let me know in the next days so I sat with it and with the other things happening in my life.

I haven't heard from her since, and after this awful week our session is supposed to be tomorrow. I texted her yesterday morning saying "Dear M how are you, sorry for bothering you but I wanted to know about our session, do you feel better, will there be one? So that I can organize things (I have to relocate these days, she doesn't know yet).
I got no answer, which is not typical of her.

So I did something I don't usually do, I have her on whatsapp which I only use to chat with friends, but today I couldn't resist and went to see when she checked in last time. It was 3 days ago in the early morning. She is usually online very often (she told me when she noticed I had that on my new phone a few months ago - never wrote her through that though). And I checked when I was in crisis just to see she is there, and she logs in pretty often.

I am trying to be rational but I can't help worrying and in the awful state of mind I am in now, I worry even more.
Sorry, just wanted to post about it as I can't tell anyone, no one know I'm in therapy but my parents who didn't agree and think I have terminated a while ago because I was fed up of their comments.

I can also see she hasn't read my text since yesterday.

Any support? or advice.. Thanks. I miss my T, but most of all I'm really worried now. I can skip another 10 sessions if necessary but I need to know she is well and I have no idea how to do.

[Inner_Firefly]

Oh no, if I were you I would be worried too. How strange. It is hard because you are going through some changes and need her support. Are you allowed to call her?

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello Ambra-

I can imagine the anxiety you are feeling right now, with the things you are struggling with including not knowing what is going on with your therapist. I would be concerned as well, I have to say. Is your therapist in private practice? If not there might be other colleagues you can ask, to see if they have heard from her. Other than that I would try to call again, leave a message on her voicemail. Again, I empathize with you-I know this must be very difficult. Sending you hugs.

[Ambra]

Actually it was only allowed for scheduling reasons, but she has always got back to me when I have written her in crisis, it has happened twice so far and never made me feel bad for it so I guess I could at some point? I have never tried to call though, I even fear doing that.. should I try, like tomorrow?

Plus she isn't old or chronically ill or anything, she's very young! And even when she answered my texts later it has always been no more than 24 hours and I could see she had read the text at least or had logged in. It's not that I stalk her, I just can see it as it appears at the bottom of the texts.

I mean, she always gets back to me in no time and when she can't she will do it within 24 hours. She is always *there*. I'm even more worried for her than for my situation right now.

She is in private practice, sigh. Shares the office with another colleague. Maybe I can try to show up tomorrow at the usual time. Or call tomorrow before the appt..

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Ambra

Actually it was only allowed for scheduling reasons, but she has always got back to me when I have written her in crisis, it has happened twice so far and never made me feel bad for it so I guess I could at some point? I have never tried to call though, I even fear doing that.. should I try, like tomorrow?

Plus she isn't old or chronically ill or anything, she's very young! And even when she answered my texts later it has always been no more than 24 hours and I could see she had read the text at least or had logged in. It's not that I stalk her, I just can see it as it appears at the bottom of the texts.

I mean, she always gets back to me in no time and when she can't she will do it within 24 hours. She is always *there*. I'm even more worried for her than for my situation right now.

She is in private practice, sigh. Shares the office with another colleague. Maybe I can try to show up tomorrow at the usual time. Or call tomorrow before the appt..

If she shares the office with another colleague, do you know who that person is, could you check with them to see if they have heard from your therapist? Yes, I would call again tomorrow as well.

[Ambra]

Originally Posted by CrimsonBlues

If she shares the office with another colleague, do you know who that person is, could you check with them to see if they have heard from your therapist? Yes, I would call again tomorrow as well.

I don't know the name but the concierge does and I exchanged a few words with her at times when she opened the door to me when I was early. She seems very kind, I might go as usual. Do you think I might sound intrusive? Maybe it is obvious she might still be ill so I'm not supposed to just show up. Bah, I could go there and call from there. My anxiety is skyrocketing (sorry for English, I'm a non native speaker :/ )

[Inner_Firefly]

I don't think it's intrusive, it is reasonable to be able to call a T for scheduling reasons. I feel for you and please take care, do whatever it takes to find out what is going on.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Ambra

I don't know the name but the concierge does and I exchanged a few words with her at times when she opened the door to me when I was early. She seems very kind, I might go as usual. Do you think I might sound intrusive? Maybe it is obvious she might still be ill so I'm not supposed to just show up. Bah, I could go there and call from there. My anxiety is skyrocketing (sorry for English, I'm a non native speaker :/ )

Your English is just fine. I don't think you would sound intrusive. I think that under the circumstances it would be understandable that you would be concerned. And, I think your therapist would understand why you were so concerned as well. I would call again, expressing your concern. And going to the office tomorrow might be a good idea as well. If someone is there maybe they can help get some answers for you. And, maybe your therapist will be there, waiting, with an explanation as to why she didn't get back to you.

[lostwonder]

I would put money down that your T is still expecting you for your normal session time. She didn't cancel two appointments, but one.

[Ambra]

Thank you both for your support! And thanks for comforting me, your feedbacks are really helpful.
I am going to work now but I will also e-mail my T, just a last try before I turn to the phone call.
I remember that once my phone stolen and I had no chance to see texts or log in to whatsapp and so on. As absurd as it may sound, maybe she left it somewhere, don't know.

I can keep you informed if you don't mind..

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Ambra

Thank you both for your support! And thanks for comforting me, your feedbacks are really helpful.
I am going to work now but I will also e-mail my T, just a last try before I turn to the phone call.
I remember that once my phone stolen and I had no chance to see texts or log in to whatsapp and so on. As absurd as it may sound, maybe she left it somewhere, don't know.

I can keep you informed if you don't mind..

Absolutely, please do let us know how things went. Take care.

[Ambra]

i saw her online on whatsapp! but it seems like she hasn't read my text yet. don't know if it was her on whatsapp or what. I don't know what to think

[roads]

If I were you in the situation you've described, I'd show up for your next (presumably scheduled) appointment.

If she's not there, ask the concierge whether the therapist is meeting with other clients. Find out whether there's any regular time she's there.

If she is there, but won't meet with you, let her know you will wait there until she either gives you an appointment or refers you to someone. Don't be a victim and say you can miss the next ten sessions as long as you know you'll see her again. That's not the way therapy works. You're not just two people and she's doing you a favor--you hired her for professional services. Never puts your therapist's needs ahead of your own. She is there to help you!!

Think of her as a contractor you've hired to rebuild your house. The longer she's missing from the job, the more crackles and leaks are developing in your house, and the harder it's going to be to fix it.

I don't know where you are or how your mental health system works (your English is excellent), but your top priority right now is getting your therapy back in motion. You came to her to work on YOUR problems ... it's extremely unprofessional for her to add her problems to your list of worries.

Thanks for starting this thread. Actually such disappearing acts are more common than you may think--and most of us think it's our fault or at least our responsibility to correct. Not so. Intentionally or not, her treatment of you (& perhaps all her clients) is manipulating you into failure in your therapy and adding to your issues (e.g., now you may development abandonment issues even if you never had them before.

Take charge. You're the boss here. If she's not helping, she's doing harm--fire her, and move on to one of the innumerable therapists who will help you make progress. Take best care of you!!

roads

[Ambra]

Hi all,
here is an update: I found my T, I was checking the phone and I saw she had just read my text at 7 pm. 3 minutes later I got a text that she didn't get my text earlier (making a long story short and skipping the why and how - hospital, pneumonia etc). Then she called me and we scheduled the appt for tomorrow. She didn't sound very good and I wanted to ask her if she's sure but she told me she has just some flu left and to definitely show up tomorrow. I'm so glad nothing terrible happened.

Originally Posted by roads

If she is there, but won't meet with you, let her know you will wait there until she either gives you an appointment or refers you to someone. Don't be a victim and say you can miss the next ten sessions as long as you know you'll see her again. That's not the way therapy works. You're not just two people and she's doing you a favor--you hired her for professional services. Never puts your therapist's needs ahead of your own. She is there to help you!!

Thanks for starting this thread. Actually such disappearing acts are more common than you may think--and most of us think it's our fault or at least our responsibility to correct. Not so. Intentionally or not, her treatment of you (& perhaps all her clients) is manipulating you into failure in your therapy and adding to your issues (e.g., now you may development abandonment issues even if you never had them before.

Take charge. You're the boss here. If she's not helping, she's doing harm--fire her, and move on to one of the innumerable therapists who will help you make progress. Take best care of you!!

roads

Thanks for your post Road, I really appreciated it! You said a lot of great things and I find the house metaphor really interesting, just perfect.
I wanted to tell you that you have accused my T above with no reason though, it was a bit off topic.
I mean: I totally agree with you on how therapy should be and I also see there are way too many clients at the mercy of their Ts, who don't reply to clients in need or write short and dry answers throwing them in a state of distress that lasts at least for a week.

When I talked about skipping the next 10 sessions I meant I would trade anything for the chance to know she was at least fine as I was so worried under the given (and very unusual) circumstances.

You were assuming my T is manipulative and disappears deliberately. Unfortunately it is the case for many clients, and I feel for them, but not for me. You have assumed she is making me fail. Why so? I have beaten my ED and learned so much. Now I am not even thinking about throwing up. Don't even feel like taking the effort. You don't know my story so no problem at all, and you are speaking right for many others, but I perceived your comments as unfair judgments toward my T who is not like that at all - so I felt I had to defend her (:

I don't know what you were talking about when you said fire her and move to one of the innumerable therapists who will help you make progress. She is that T for me. I had one before and she was actually harming me and I'm sooo glad she is no longer with me, lol.

Maybe my first post wasn't clear because I was distressed by not finding her at all (and she was in hospital indeed), I came here for advice today because that very helpful presence in my life was suddenly missing and I was worried that something had happened to her just because she is that loving therapist you were talking about, I wasn't distressed due to her not replying to me. Judgements on my T hurt me a bit for this reason, BUT: thank you for all the things you said about therapy, everyone deserves that from a therapist.

And thanks everyone for comforting me, really..

Thank you for letting us know. I'm so glad you got a response and that your T is ok!

[precaryous]

I'm very glad you found her!

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Ambra

Hi all,
here is an update: I found my T, I was checking the phone and I saw she had just read my text at 7 pm. 3 minutes later I got a text that she didn't get my text earlier (making a long story short and skipping the why and how - hospital, pneumonia etc). Then she called me and we scheduled the appt for tomorrow. She didn't sound very good and I wanted to ask her if she's sure but she told me she has just some flu left and to definitely show up tomorrow. I'm so glad nothing terrible happened.


Thanks for your post Road, I really appreciated it! You said a lot of great things and I find the house metaphor really interesting, just perfect.
I wanted to tell you that you have accused my T above with no reason though, it was a bit off topic.
I mean: I totally agree with you on how therapy should be and I also see there are way too many clients at the mercy of their Ts, who don't reply to clients in need or write short and dry answers throwing them in a state of distress that lasts at least for a week.

When I talked about skipping the next 10 sessions I meant I would trade anything for the chance to know she was at least fine as I was so worried under the given (and very unusual) circumstances.

You were assuming my T is manipulative and disappears deliberately. Unfortunately it is the case for many clients, and I feel for them, but not for me. You have assumed she is making me fail. Why so? I have beaten my ED and learned so much. Now I am not even thinking about throwing up. Don't even feel like taking the effort. You don't know my story so no problem at all, and you are speaking right for many others, but I perceived your comments as unfair judgments toward my T who is not like that at all - so I felt I had to defend her (:

I don't know what you were talking about when you said fire her and move to one of the innumerable therapists who will help you make progress. She is that T for me. I had one before and she was actually harming me and I'm sooo glad she is no longer with me, lol.

Maybe my first post wasn't clear because I was distressed by not finding her at all (and she was in hospital indeed), I came here for advice today because that very helpful presence in my life was suddenly missing and I was worried that something had happened to her just because she is that loving therapist you were talking about, I wasn't distressed due to her not replying to me. Judgements on my T hurt me a bit for this reason, BUT: thank you for all the things you said about therapy, everyone deserves that from a therapist.

And thanks everyone for comforting me, really..

Hi Ambra-

So glad to hear that you have communicated with your therapist! Thank you for letting us know what happened.