[Freewilled]

In another thread, I was reading about how the theory is a T can only help us to a certain point. If they haven't worked deep enough or whatever on themselves, they can't help us go any deeper.

If this is true, then how can one tell fairly quickly if a T is truly able to help? Is there a way to tell without getting a year+ into it?

[guilloche]

This is such a good question.

And, I have really, truly no idea how to tell. Because even if a T has done their own work, there are other reasons they might not be able to help YOU in particular (bad match in some other way) that I'm terrible at identifying! And that really, truly sucks... because it's so expensive, it's frustrating and scary to think about going a year or more down one path and to find out it's a dead end.

I worry about this alot!

That said, I know my T has done his own therapy because he mentioned it fairly early on, in the context of me being uncomfortable and feeling like there's a spotlight on me in session, and him being more comfortable in that position b/c he had years of experience being a client in therapy.

One thing that I think would help identify it (other than just outright asking) is that my T has been great about being non-defensive about questions, which my previous (bad) T wasn't. He (so far) doesn't seem to take things personally... if I bring up something, he's actually pretty thoughtful about his response. This is really good for me... especially after previous T who seemed to be caught up in my stuff.

Oh... and you know, I have always had trouble with therapy (and find it uncomfortable). Knowing my T had done his own therapy, and is not a "blank slate T" - I actually asked if he had liked therapy! And he thought a second, and said yes!

[Favorite Jeans]

I don't know how useful this is but what if you just bring this question to them and ask them straight up? How far have you gone? How much have you done? How does this help you in your day to day work as a therapist?

[PeeJay]

I think she has.

I didn't ask her if she'd ever been in therapy. Rather, I asked, "How many years of therapy did you do?" And she said ten.

That satisfied that I wasn't taking too long!

[lone_77]

I could tell just from the fact that my grades were raising substantially that she was helping with depression and all that, and I'm starting to 'get out' more. But I guess that's an easy way to tell because of the numerics of it. There's still a lot more to work through. But I think you come into therapy with goals or certain specific problems, they're meant to be improved upon. It might take a while for the issues to start to be resolved, but ultimately I think that's the end goal of therapy. If you're finding you can't cope with the skills you've acquired or you keep on sliding backwards, maybe your T has done all they can. I used to meet with a counselor (not a T, I guess), and there came a point when her and I both realized that I was not getting what I needed from her, so I moved on to a psychologist. Sometimes a fresh perspective or opinion, and in my case different credentials, can make a big difference in your progress. I think it depends a lot on the situation too.

(it took me 4-5 months to see some improvement, btw)

[feralkittymom]

I think you can get indications from training early on and by asking them. But I don't think such generalities necessarily translate to helping you in particular on your particular issues. I think your intuitive sense of their emotional maturity, however, can be a good guide over time. I would look for subtleties, not just in what they say, but in their attitude and response to you: lack of defensiveness (which is a big one, I think, because areas of defensiveness correspond to areas of vulnerability and unprocessed stuff); opinions; professionalism; quality of life relationships (may not be apparent); even how the T engages with others in the workplace--does he speak with respect towards others? How do others respond to him? It was very clear to me within a few weeks that my T was reflective and non-defensive, so that inspired trust.

[JustShakey]

T has disclosed enough about himself that I know he has done the work. And it shows too. He has such an easy confidence about him without a hint of arrogance. It feels to me like I can ride along on the strength of his security. I am securely attached to him not because I am capable of such a thing (tho I will be, one day soon), but because he is and he is sharing that with me in the therapeutic relationship.

Previous T on the other hand... I think she *thought* that she had it all together, but I just knew that she wasn't able to go with me to the places I needed to go. Don't ask me how I could tell that but after seeing her a for a few sessions I just looked at her and *knew*.



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[HazelGirl]

I she no freaking clue. I just show up and hope she's done as much as she says she has.