[CaseyJones]

Started seeing a new therapist after a while out of treatment. She is a decent enough person and we've been trying several new meds, all without success.

For instance, due to my anxiety, she put me on inderal. Only thing is inderal is a beta blocker and my anxiety doesn't result in physiological symptoms, just repetitive intrusive thoughts.

I've been through this so often that it is getting ridiculous. I understand she took a Hippocratic oath but at this point I would rather be prescribed a benzo. While this is an addictive substance I would rather take it than take what might as well be a sugar pill for all the therapeutic value it offers.

There is no way she will prescribe me a benzo though as I have admitted to being in recovery from alcohol.

There is, however, thiezodiazapenes like etizolam that I can get myself without a prescription and has a good track record treating anxiety (and less addictive than benzos).

Also, I am starting school in January and am seriously considering getting adrinafil to help with motivation.

Should I be honest with her about this? I don't want to offend her but at the end of the day she clocks out and doesn't give my case another thought. I have only seen her about five months but these issues are on my mind 24/7 for over 30 years. At this point I would rather take the etizolam and adrinafil (of course adrinafil could lead to liver problems, so I'd only take it for five months at a time - enough for a semester, then two months off to detox).

Thanks.

[kaliope]

hi casey jones
I always encourage honesty if you want the best treatment. they cant help if they don't know all the facts. as for meds for the anxiety, my doc went the beta blocker route too and it didn't help. I am on buspar. it works great and is non addicting. check into it. as for the other drugs you are looking into, it suggests self-medicating drug seeking behavior, just like you did with alcohol. it would be a relapse to your recovery to take that route. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[SnakeCharmer]

Like kaliope, I encourage honesty, too.

It might be good to rethink the beta-blocker. Your constant intrusive thoughts may not be caused by adrenal action, but your intrusive thoughts can stimulate your adrenals to put out stress hormones. It's like a circle. Troubling thoughts lead to release of stress hormones which lead to bodily reactions which can lead to more troubling thoughts. The stress hormones are impacting your body, whether you feel it or not. It can be subtle, but even a slight sense that our body is out of kilter can make intrusive thoughts worse.

It's not healthy to run your body down just because a beta-blocker doesn't work like a benzo. I take beta-blockers daily and, yeah, they don't work like a benzo, but they do work on the sympathetic nervous system and that can have a great deal to do with our sense of well-being.

Be honest. She might not like it, but at least she'll know what you're doing and will be better able to understand and help you. If you're in recovery, it's playing with fire to take any drugs that may set off the addiction again. But you already know that. I don't know about the other drugs you mentioned. I'd caution you to do your research carefully so you don't end up triggering your addiction.

I wish you the best.

[CaseyJones]

Thanks for the responses. The beta blocker does come in handy at times, such as with my coffee, also I can see how it might effect me at other times. I just think that there may be something else (or in addition to) that may be of more therapeutic value.

"Drug seeking" is an often used term, but I find it to be vague. The entire reason I go to these appointments is to "seek drugs". As to "self medicating", well... like mentioned in the original post I have dealt with this for over 30 years and at the end of the day I am just another case to her. As it is she prescribes me a new drug, tells me to come back in six weeks and then we try another one. That is six weeks of no improvement (repeat as necessary). Not a big deal to her, I understand, but it is to me.

The alcohol had very little value, therapeutically. The downside was too great to make it a valid treatment. At this point, I am not too concerned about it being a "relapse" as I don't think taking medicine is the same as drinking.

A thienzodiazapene is a benzo, minus the benzene ring that makes it so darn addictive. Less powerful than a benzo, it doesn't have nearly the same addictive potential. It just isn't approved by the FDA, but that doesn't mean that much to me compared to my recovery.

The Adrafinil is the precursor to an FDA approved drug Modafinil. Prescribed for ADHD and narcolepsy, it is a non-amphetamine stimulant. As it isn't amphetamine based there isn't the contraindication for people with anxiety issues. It is actually a eugeroic, a "vigilance" promoting drug... keeps one awake, not "wired", but awake and focused. Not having ADHD or narcolepsy, she won't prescribe it (not saying she should, just she won't). The precursor, Adrafinil, is legally obtained online, however.

Being almost 40 and needing to get on with my life (no career, restarting school for an associates...) after really self medicating, I think that the intrusive thoughts and anxiety are mostly stemming from my life circumstances. I am willing to take a chance on it.

I guess the question wasn't if I should go this route. I've pretty much decided to. Just if I should be honest about it.

Thanks for the responses. I'll be honest with her about it since, by going this route, there is no need to keep going to the appointments that are leading nowhere.