[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm just curious...

I know Ts are human and make mistakes. I know that there are some bad Ts out there. And I also know that therapy teaches us to analyze many aspects of life.

But I wonder, could this over-anaylizing be a defense mechanism? Or a distraction? I see parallels being made all the time about different aspects such as modality, money, education, age, etc. I see blame constantly being thrown at the T. I completely understand that some of it is justified, but are you making sure that you take your share of the responsibility of your life, progress, and therapy?

[lone_77]

I know I overanalyze because of all the maternal transference I have. I'm aware of it, but it's easier for me to just let it happen rather than try to get rid of it, because I like seeing her as a mom figure. It's definitely both a defense and a distraction, at least for me, because I'm shielding myself from my reality and also occupying myself with a thought other than my actual mom. Hm, writing that actually made the whole situation clearer. Interesting. Maybe I'll finally bring this up with her....down with avoidance techniques!

[tooski]

I think analysis is what therapy is all about. I'm not sure if it's even possible to over-analyze in therapy, but I'm guilty of over-analyzing my personal life. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the moment. But therapy is an opportunity to learn and improve, so I think we need to use that time to look closely at things.

[HazelGirl]

Yes, yes, yes. A million times yes.

[geis]

I didn't answer the poll because there wasn't an option that fit for me.

The type of therapy I have the most experience with and have gotten the most benefit from is psychoanalytic/psychodynamic therapy. A lot of that centers around analyzing the relationship between the client and the therapist because the therapist/client relationship becomes a reenactment of other relationships in the client's life. In psychoanalytic therapy, that's not seen as a bad thing at all--in fact, it's what you want to happen because then you and the therapist can analyze that, and you gain a deeper understanding of those relationships and how they shape and affect you.

Pointing out that a therapist has done something unhelpful is not the same as blaming your therapist for your problems, nor is it necessarily a refusal to take personal responsibility. For most of my life, I've blamed myself for everything that's gone wrong around me, even when I knew rationally that I couldn't have caused it. I never got angry at people or let them know that I didn't like the way they treated me or that something they said or did hurt me. Growing up, that would've just invited more abuse. It was important for me to learn to get angry, to find my boundaries, and to let people know when they did something hurtful. The safest relationship for me to start doing those things was my relationship with my therapist. She encouraged me to tell her when she got it wrong and even to get mad at her when the situation warranted it. She wanted me to analyze our relationship and our interactions with her. That was often incredibly helpful--it let me see that my experience of myself (as a horrible, needy, selfish monster who hurt everybody and didn't deserve to exist) was not her experience of me. It helped me to know that when I felt like I was unforgivable or too needy or out of control, she and other people didn't experience me that way. It helped me learn to see and treat myself with more kindness, and it helped me understand why I relate to the world the way I do.

Was there a lot of analysis of the process and the relationship of therapy? Absolutely. But to call that "over-analyzing" does a great disservice, I think.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by geis

I didn't answer the poll because there wasn't an option that fit for me.

The type of therapy I have the most experience with and have gotten the most benefit from is psychoanalytic/psychodynamic therapy. A lot of that centers around analyzing the relationship between the client and the therapist because the therapist/client relationship becomes a reenactment of other relationships in the client's life. In psychoanalytic therapy, that's not seen as a bad thing at all--in fact, it's what you want to happen because then you and the therapist can analyze that, and you gain a deeper understanding of those relationships and how they shape and affect you.

Pointing out that a therapist has done something unhelpful is not the same as blaming your therapist for your problems, nor is it necessarily a refusal to take personal responsibility. For most of my life, I've blamed myself for everything that's gone wrong around me, even when I knew rationally that I couldn't have caused it. I never got angry at people or let them know that I didn't like the way they treated me or that something they said or did hurt me. Growing up, that would've just invited more abuse. It was important for me to learn to get angry, to find my boundaries, and to let people know when they did something hurtful. The safest relationship for me to start doing those things was my relationship with my therapist. She encouraged me to tell her when she got it wrong and even to get mad at her when the situation warranted it. She wanted me to analyze our relationship and our interactions with her. That was often incredibly helpful--it let me see that my experience of myself (as a horrible, needy, selfish monster who hurt everybody and didn't deserve to exist) was not her experience of me. It helped me to know that when I felt like I was unforgivable or too needy or out of control, she and other people didn't experience me that way. It helped me learn to see and treat myself with more kindness, and it helped me understand why I relate to the world the way I do.

Was there a lot of analysis of the process and the relationship of therapy? Absolutely. But to call that "over-analyzing" does a great disservice, I think.

Technically, you would consider that a healthy amount of anaylizing...right? I'm not say analysis in general is bad. In fact, I think it's great. But it is a fact that people can way over think things and might put responsibility on someone else soley for their role.

I know this topic can be a touchy subject. My only intention is to maybe bring some awareness. I, myself, try to be aware of this because I believe that part of treatment is to learn how to balance all aspects of life: including anaylizing.

[Asiablue]

This is such an interesting question and one I asked myself yesterday in light of my seemingly complicated and crumbling therapy relationship. For me, I am in my own head all the time, over-thinking, worrying, trying to see things from all angles. I do it with lots of things, not just therapy. I think it's maybe both a personality trait and also an anxiety thing.
I think with my therapy lately, some of the over-analysing and fixating on the issues arising from the therapy relationship might be a defense and a distraction from what's really going on for me. But also, therapy just is intense and take a lot of brain power.

[unaluna]

To kinda continue from geis - my smart aleck t has become so perfectly accommodating to me, that now if i dont do something, its totally on me. Rat ba$tard. Only kinda kidding. but its like a lot of the other missing spots have been filled in. Somebody cared enough, somebody saw enough, somebody was there enough. It was weird, being an orphan but not really - like your parents were there not to love you, and to make sure nobody else loved you either. Wth.

[geis]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Technically, you would consider that a healthy amount of anaylizing...right? I'm not say analysis in general is bad. In fact, I think it's great. But it is a fact that people can way over think things and might put responsibility on someone else soley for their role.

I know this topic can be a touchy subject. My only intention is to maybe bring some awareness. I, myself, try to be aware of this because I believe that part of treatment is to learn how to balance all aspects of life: including anaylizing.

Well, you didn't define your terms. Where's the line between analyzing and overanalyzing? There's no set definition. A DBT therapist, for instance, might characterize the amount of relational analysis involved in psychoanalytic therapy as overanalyzing, but the psychoanalytic therapist would probably feel like the DBT therapist focused too little on analyzing the therapist/client relationship. It's all a matter of perspective.

The thing that occurs to me about asking people here if their posts about their difficulties with their therapists amount to overanalyzing is that this is a support forum. Generally, when your relationship with someone (therapist or otherwise) is going well, you don't need support. I think people are much more likely to post here when they've hit a rough spot in their therapy or their relationship with their therapist. So you're going to wind up with a skewed sample--if you look at it without analyzing the context (irony intended!), then it's going to seem like people here are really negative about their therapy and their therapists, when that's probably not the reality. People just don't need to seek out support as much when things are going well.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by geis

Well, you didn't define your terms. Where's the line between analyzing and overanalyzing? There's no set definition. A DBT therapist, for instance, might characterize the amount of relational analysis involved in psychoanalytic therapy as overanalyzing, but the psychoanalytic therapist would probably feel like the DBT therapist focused too little on analyzing the therapist/client relationship. It's all a matter of perspective.

Exactly! So if therapists have their own definition of over-analyzing, can I not assume that each of us have our own definition? So why is it wrong that I left it up to each person here to define for themselves "over-analyzing"?

Originally Posted by geis

The thing that occurs to me about asking people here if their posts about their difficulties with their therapists amount to overanalyzing is that this is a support forum. Generally, when your relationship with someone (therapist or otherwise) is going well, you don't need support. I think people are much more likely to post here when they've hit a rough spot in their therapy or their relationship with their therapist.

1. I have an awesome T. Don't believe me, go read my other posts. I really have nothing to complain about with her.
2. I'm progressing fairly well in therapy and I believe my therapy is going in the right direction.

So, according to you, I don't need support? My issues within therapy and with my therapist aren't as important? I have nothing of value to add? That's completely false! I still struggle, I still hurt, I'm still learning.

In my therapy, I'm learning how to verbalize, disclose, cope, utilize coping skills. I have abandonment issues and am constantly needing reassurance from T. I am constantly needing to validate our relationship.

I feeling I do have a tendency to over-analyze therapy. I question motives, I search for deeper meaning from a single word or a sentence. But instead of over-analyzing my T, I should be analyzing myself and my "relation" to her. When I concentrate on her, I lose focus on myself.

Why is doing self-reflecting a bad thing? Why is asking people to do this and consider other possibilities wrong? Most of us here suffer from cognitive distortions. My suggestion is to analyze ourselves more and analyze therapy a little less.

And you're right, this is a "support" forums. But support doesn't simply include hugs, relating, comforting words. Support can also include things like education, constructive criticism, and even....challenging thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Addition:
Some of the things that have helped me the most from this forum is actually the education and challenging me to expand my thinking. Because of the advice/support of many, I have been able to make much more progress than I would have w/o these forums. People here have helped me through some really difficult times...many which have occurred during the last month and a half. I need support and help and guidance as much as anyone else...yet I don't have any real issues with my T and therapy. My issues lie inside my head... and can effect my therapy.

[geis]

I may have phrased that in a way that was unclear--what I meant was that people are less likely to need support about issues with their therapists when the relationship is going well. I didn't mean to suggest that you didn't need or deserve support, and I'm sorry it came across that way. Sometimes I forget that other people can't follow my train of thought if I don't explain it clearly.

I also didn't mean it as a statement about any particular person--more of a general statement. Generally, when a particular part of someone's life (such as therapy) is working for them, they're not as likely to feel like they need support around that issue. It doesn't mean they might not be struggling with other things. But in general, people post here about things that aren't going well or aren't working for them, so statistically speaking, if you look at the therapy subforum, you're more likely to see posts from people who are struggling with some aspect of therapy or the therapeutic relationship, just like if you look at the depression subforum, you're more likely to find posts from people who are struggling with depression than people who are managing it well. So I think it's iffy to conclude that because there are a lot of people who post about problems in their relationships with their therapists, that means they're likely to be overanalyzing.

But my perspective may be different because most of my therapy has been psychoanalytic. I think it's critical for clients to analyze, and I think the idea that you can overanalyze the therapy relationship is misguided. It pushes buttons for me because I've had bad therapists in the past who used accusations of overanalyzing and overthinking as a way to shut down my objections to their poor treatment of me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by geis

I may have phrased that in a way that was unclear--what I meant was that people are less likely to need support about issues with their therapists when the relationship is going well. I didn't mean to suggest that you didn't need or deserve support, and I'm sorry it came across that way. Sometimes I forget that other people can't follow my train of thought if I don't explain it clearly.

I also didn't mean it as a statement about any particular person--more of a general statement. Generally, when a particular part of someone's life (such as therapy) is working for them, they're not as likely to feel like they need support around that issue. It doesn't mean they might not be struggling with other things. But in general, people post here about things that aren't going well or aren't working for them, so statistically speaking, if you look at the therapy subforum, you're more likely to see posts from people who are struggling with some aspect of therapy or the therapeutic relationship, just like if you look at the depression subforum, you're more likely to find posts from people who are struggling with depression than people who are managing it well. So I think it's iffy to conclude that because there are a lot of people who post about problems in their relationships with their therapists, that means they're likely to be overanalyzing.

But my perspective may be different because most of my therapy has been psychoanalytic. I think it's critical for clients to analyze, and I think the idea that you can overanalyze the therapy relationship is misguided. It pushes buttons for me because I've had bad therapists in the past who used accusations of overanalyzing and overthinking as a way to shut down my objections to their poor treatment of me.

Ty. I understand where you are coming from better

I do not spend any time analyzing it. Waste of time for me.

[AmazingGrace7]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

1. I have an awesome T. Don't believe me, go read my other posts. I really have nothing to complain about with her.
2. I'm progressing fairly well in therapy and I believe my therapy is going in the right direction.

Why is doing self-reflecting a bad thing? Why is asking people to do this and consider other possibilities wrong? Most of us here suffer from cognitive distortions. My suggestion is to analyze ourselves more and analyze therapy a little less.

And you're right, this is a "support" forums. But support doesn't simply include hugs, relating, comforting words. Support can also include things like education, constructive criticism, and even....challenging thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Addition:
Some of the things that have helped me the most from this forum is actually the education and challenging me to expand my thinking. Because of the advice/support of many, I have been able to make much more progress than I would have w/o these forums. People here have helped me through some really difficult times...many which have occurred during the last month and a half. I need support and help and guidance as much as anyone else...yet I don't have any real issues with my T and therapy. My issues lie inside my head... and can effect my therapy.

Is it possible because you have an awesome T it may be more difficult for you to empathize with those who have a different experience from yours? Is there such a thing as overanalyzing in therapy? Is it even possible?

I have a good T and we have a good therapy relationship. I've had other long term T's, generally good ones, that made therapy errors which negatively impacted my therapy. I've also had one or two bad T's. I know the difference. In my years of therapy, I've had a variety of experiences and, like others who have posted, I have the tendency to internalize and blame myself. I am self aware (according to my T's) and several have said I don't push boundaries like many clients. Thankfully, most of my T's have been straight forward about the mistakes made by other T's. It has been helpful and I am beginning to internalize less.

It is through analyzing these, and other, relationships, I experience the most growth.