[PaulaS]

Quite often there are stories in here about clients leaving their therapists for different reasons but I would now want to hear if someone experienced a T ending therapy because of you/the client?

Of course you as a client isnt´t allowed to threathen your T, follow him/her to his/her home and do other "extreme" things but how common is it for T:s to end therapy out of other reasons? I think it sometimes seems like some of the T:s want "easy" clients, clients who doesn´t complain or question their methods. It seems quite difficult to prove why a T actually made the choice to end therapy.

Me personally think it´s unproffessional to end therapy because the client said some rude things but at the same time I think that´s how it unfortunately works sometimes.

What´s your experiences?

[nottrustin]

I have never experienced it before. During my first session with her, my therapist told me if I didn't feel a connection or that she was the right person for me I should tell her and she would do the same as a 2 way connection is very important. She would not take it personally and what ever happened she would find me the right person. She has referred potential clients to other people without saying why. It is because there are a couple of issues she can't be impartial and therefore not therapeutic for the client.

[HazelGirl]

A T of mine ended therapy with me after three appointments because she decided that therapy was making me worse. At least a, that's what she said. I have a feeling that the real reason was that she saw all my problems and knew I wouldn't be an easy case, and so the insurance company she was working for probably pressured her to get rid of cases like mine.

[JustShakey]

Well, in my case my previous T ended therapy with me because of her countertransference, and, by extension, my transference. She tried to end it sooner, by blaming me, but I begged her to keep seeing me. It was a difficult experience to say the least. I was parentified as a child, and she played the role of my mother. She did, in the end, admit the countertransference, but refused to discuss it.

I have no respect at all for a T who ends therapy because of the client, or who claims they are ending therapy because of the client. Therapists do have limitations, and there are some dyads who just will never work well together, but the T should be clear on the fact that it is their own limitations that prevent the relationship from working. Humility is a very important trait in a T. We are trusting them with the contents of our soul, they need to respect that.

[AmazingGrace7]

I once had a T terminate my therapy. In his mind, he ended therapy because of me, the client. I'm sure he thought he was protecting my best interest. He said it would be egregious of him to stay.

I had planned to terminate with him due to some transference issues. He emailed me and asked me to come the next day, stay in therapy, and work through it with him, so I did.

I showed up for my appointment and he terminated me a few minutes after I arrived. He said he had given it more thought and this was in MY best interest.

After processing the experience with multiple T's, I have now begun to realize his decision had more to do with him and less about me.

[SnakeCharmer]

Paula, you were worried the other day that your T would terminate you because of an email you sent her about some things that had happened in therapy you felt unhappy with. She sent back an email saying she didn't know how to continue, with some other vague statements.

Did she actually terminate you or are you still waiting in anxiety to find out?

I hope you can work this out with your T, including coming to some sort of agreement about the things you didn't like. I'm sorry this is still distressing you.

Can you tell us what the current status is between you and your T?

[geis]

My last therapist fired me because, after a year of working together, she decided my case was too complex and my dissociation was too severe. It was extremely hurtful because I'd told her my diagnosis (DID) and the severity of my symptoms from the beginning, and she never explained why she suddenly decided she couldn't deal with me anymore.

I said some things to my T in an email, I was distressed. I really liked her response, she gave me huge encouragement to return to talk about it all, it was along the lines of: if you are feeling bad, this is a time when you really need to come to your session. She didn't discuss the content of my email in her reply to my email. We worked it out together.

[Tangerine87]

I am really worried mine is going to abandon me in the next session that I go to. I need to detach from him.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Me personally think it´s unproffessional to end therapy because the client said some rude things but at the same time I think that´s how it unfortunately works sometimes.

What´s your experiences?

I had one T who terminated me after 3 sessions. She said the reason was that I needed immediate help and she was going on a 2-week vacation (yes, please, roll your eyes with me here!).

I think that was just nuts. I think it could have been handled in a much better, more respectful way. I think she should have been clear upfront that she'd like to do a "trial period" to see how well we work together, and that if she felt like she wasn't able to help, that she wouldn't be able to keep seeing me. I think she should have provided referrals. I think she should have said something more respectful than, "I'm going on vacation, so I can't help you" - which seems like the lamest excuse ever. I understand that she may have her own issues that make it not a good idea to treat me, and that those are private... but how about just saying, "I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm afraid that I don't feel like I'm going to be able to help you. I don't want to waste your time and money when I can't help, so I've found a couple people that I think might be better matches for you... "

Then I had another T who I had saw for a year who didn't believe in dissociative disorders. By the end of the year, we weren't making any progress and he sent me for a consultation with another T (expert at DDs) - who diagnosed me as DDNOS. My T said b/c of that, he couldn't help me... ugh. I get that professionally, he had to refer me out b/c he had no experience with my stuff... but it really felt rotten. Especially since before the consult he promised he wouldn't kick me out, no matter what consult-T said.

It worries me, because newest T doesn't think I have a DD, but he also doesn't have experience in that area. Part of me thinks I need to find someone with experience, but none of those referrals really worked for me either in the past.

I really really wish there was some sort of Therapy-Matchmaking organization, that was good at assessing your issues and personality and matching you with awesome Ts who you would click with.

I saw a therapist for seven years and he abruptly ended therapy with me. It was very painful. Actually still is very painful.

[angelene]

My last therapist sent me a "Dear John" letter of sorts, saying he was terminating our relationship but not why. It was basically a form letter. Since my pdoc & Ts work at the same practice, the doctor had access to his notes. She looked to see if he had an explanation but there wasn't one.
I try not to let it bug me but I will always remain curious about why he ended things.

Originally Posted by guilloche

I really really wish there was some sort of Therapy-Matchmaking organization, that was good at assessing your issues and personality and matching you with awesome Ts who you would click with.

This is actually a solid business idea.

[growlycat]

In my teens, I saw a T for almost 2 years when he pulled this on me.

I was living in a halfway house for teens with psychiatric and/or substance abuse issues (I have never been a drug user other than infrequent pot, no judgement, just a fact)

So, it wasn't like I didn't have other treatment providers. T seemed to decide after some ruptures and a consultation that he would only see me if I saw a second T for "suicidal ideation management". Of course I couldn't afford that and it is ridiculous to have a T that has a taboo topic--like suicide??? Can't even discuss the feelings?

That guy messed me up so badly. I wish he decided within the first month that I was more than he wanted to deal with. I am still angry about it.

I was very lucky to find my longtime T after that.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Me personally think it´s unproffessional to end therapy because the client said some rude things but at the same time I think that´s how it unfortunately works sometimes.

What´s your experiences?

That's pretty much my expereince. And didn't even say what I said or did. Not like it mattered. She just stopped things. I don't even think she planned it.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Me personally think it´s unproffessional to end therapy because the client said some rude things but at the same time I think that´s how it unfortunately works sometimes.

What´s your experiences?

I haven't had any experience being terminated. My opinion is that T's shouldn't abandon clients in ways that compromise their mental health. But I also think that T's should be free to choose clients within reason. It's their business, not the clients', and if they don't like working with someone, whether it's under the clients control or not, they should terminate. I don't believe it's unprofessional to terminate if the client is rude or unpleasant. A client has no right to see a T in private practice. A T has a right to structure ther business as they see fit. Other professionals fire clients all the time, including agents, dentists, doctors, lawyers.

I think it's like any other relationship. A person who is rude to others may find that she or he has no friends, or that they are dropped by business clients or they fail to make the business contacts they want.

[ThisWayOut]

I've been referred out by one t because of her countertransference. That happened within the 2nd or 3rd session and she openly stated why she felt she would be ineffectual as my t. I had no issue with that. She helped me get in to see another t that week, and the new t worked out very well. Later in life, I had a t terminate me because I was "too much of a liability". It sucked royally, but ended up being the best thing for me because it turned out that the relationship with her was part of the issue.

I have confronted t's on things I felt were not working for me in therapy but have not had any of them terminate me for it. Current t and I have had a few conversations along those lines also. She pushes a lot and does a lot of behavioral work, which doesn't work for me all the time, but she's taken it in stride and explains her motivations for what she does and listens to what I say about it working or not working. We've actually gotten into a better flow because of those conversations. At first, when I needed to tell her something wasn't working for me, I did it through writing. I have a lot of trouble directly confronting people about things... while t did offer to refer me if I continued to feel like things didn't work out, she was also willing to keep having conversations about it all.
I think a t has a responsibility to refer out a client if they are unable to help, or If the client relationship is not working. Ideally, they won't refer out just because a client criticizes their methods, but t's are still people. If I we're a t, I would refer out a client that displayed any violence towards me or threatened me. Some t's are ok working with that sort of thing, but that would be something I choose not to work with... other t's are not skilled at handling self harm or chronic suicidal ideation... they all have their different specialties.
I dunno. Not all t's are open and flexible with their treatment methods, though I think that's to the detriment of the client. I would hope your t can take the criticism in stride and open a dialogue around it all...
good luck.