This relationship is different with me and t. When I Come in at first she asks how I am and I ask how she is. She said she looks this because I am making real contact with her. T often knows when I am not being real if I say I am ok but I am not. She will say well your body tells me differently, what kept you from telling me how you really felt.
Tonight we just laughed and it felt really good to have a light session but sometimes I feel exposed like she sees right through me and it frightens me. I keep having these dreams about ghosts and how they try to pull my sheets off me in bed and t says that they are my repressed emotions surfacing as the ghosts trying to strip me bare.
This feels weird because I have never been so open with anyone and it hurts that it is not a real relationship. I think I am starting to love my t but I can't because it will hurt too much... therapy hurts

[HazelGirl]

It is a real relationship. It's not a friendship, no. But it isn't fake.

[Soccer mom]

I've never been this open with anyone else either especially other women. I have fought the relationship all the way yet don't want to do anything to jeapoardize it. 6 months in and it's like I still don't know what to do with it.....accepting it as it is seems hard. I just realized today that I've never really told any women (friends/family) my feelings unless they initiated first. So, telling her my feelings that pertain to her has been incredibly awkward.
Hang in there - I've learned so much about myself through my interactions with her.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It is a real relationship. It's not a friendship, no. But it isn't fake.

In some ways it is fake because t becomes who you need them to be to heal and so they are not and can never truly be authentic

[stopdog]

I do not consider the interaction with a therapist to be real. The therapist is not part of my real life. I have never worried about loving a therapist - it is one of the most improbable things I can imagine.

I wish I was more like you stop dog

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

In some ways it is fake because t becomes who you need them to be to heal and so they are not and can never truly be authentic

I do think my T is authentic. No, she doesn't say everything on her mind, but neither do my friends or romantic partners. If they did, no one would ever like them. All people "shape-shift" to a point in relationships.

[brokenwarrior]

I really struggle with this. I feel like my T tries so hard to connect with me on a deeper level and it's really hard for me to be open and accepting of this. I worry that if I let my T in and accept her care that I will become attached to her because I have never had a safe attachment to anyone. I feel like it helps to talk to your T about what your relationship really looks like to each other.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

In some ways it is fake because t becomes who you need them to be to heal and so they are not and can never truly be authentic

But while they are being who you need, you are also leaning on them in ways you might not lean on a friend - so maybe youre not being truly authentic either. Its like youre going to cooking school - you dont expect customers to enjoy your product before you have graduated. So how enjoyable are you, how authentic are you (or am i) as a friend, until this t helps us thru this learning phase? Or learning to play a musical instrument - how can we fault the teacher? Im amazed they put up with us!

I think it's a very real relationship too. It's unique and very different from any other relationship I have. I do consider my t "part of my real life", not because I think she's my friend, I know she's not. I realized awhile ago that a friendship couldn't handle the level of brutal honesty that comes out in therapy. I consider her part of my life mainly because my life as a whole has gotten better since I began this work with her; because I can see myself becoming the person that I've always known I could be with her help. And when the time comes that I'm no longer her client, I will take a part of her with me, that internalization thing where I can ask myself "what would t say about such and such" and predict successfully what she would say. I do that now, and I'm right a lot. Not always, but often. I had a ginormous epiphany last week and she celebrated that with me today. And I know I have had an effect on her as well. Yes, I feel it is a very real relationship. Just a unique one, the only one like it I have ever had.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It is a real relationship. It's not a friendship, no. But it isn't fake.

That's basically what my T has said, too. I've said, "We aren't friends" to which he said, "But we are friendly to each other. It's a real relationship, but it's limited."

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

In some ways it is fake because t becomes who you need them to be to heal and so they are not and can never truly be authentic

I believe my T is authentic, and she has told me that we have a "real" relationship. She's not my friend, but in a way she's much more than a friend. I've been thinking lately that it doesn't matter that I don't know everything about her. I don't need to. What we share in the session is powerful and intimate. It's very real and not fake. It transcends the "you're my T and I'm your job" attitude. It's a sharing of hearts, and money can't buy that.

[dark_sweetie]

Hmm.. I've never treated my T any different than anyone else. I've never acted like or thought our relationship couldn't be a friendship either.

Maybe it's my fault. I just don't get the therapeutic frame. And I don't really care maybe tbh. I am not anymore vulnerable to T abuse than any other abusive person. Maybe it's my stuff. I only tell people things about me they won't judge. Including T. A lot of friends have known way more personal stuff abt me than T