Both during sessions and in between sessions I sometimes feel free and spontaneous, playful and childish. It feels like my true self came out on the account of feeling safe. When this happens, my T doesn't really interact with me--he just talks to me like an adult instead of responding with playfulness back. (Would responding likewise be what's known as mirroring?)

I was never allowed to be a child; I remember feeling like an adult from a really young age. Because of this, I think my true self froze in time, which is why my true self feels childish. Do you think his not interacting with my true self sort of repeats the same traumas? It feels rejecting.

One of my goals in therapy is to be free and spontaneous. Free to be me.

[Freewilled]

I think I can totally relate to you about your true self being childish. I'm there right now at this time in my therapy. My T doesn't always notice when I'm in that place so doesn't always respond in kind. But my child will do what she's got to do to get him to take note lol

One time, I said I know you think it's just xyz (adult perspective) but seriously, it's abc (this childish parts perspective). I emphasized it so strongly and leaned in that my T almost did a double take and immediately stopped the direction he was going in. It was clear to me at that point that he understood we hadn't been on the same level of communication.

My T will laugh with me and smile back at me more when my true-r self is out. He matches me in a way. He is a bit more playful back too. So I do think it's important for a T to get it when it comes to this stuff. I don't think they will always get it right, but more often than not I think they should be aware and open to it.

My inner child holds the keys to my joy Life is miserable without her.

Thanks for relating. It sounds like your T mirrors you. Interesting, I feel joy at those times too. I'm glad you are able to enjoy interacting with your T like this.

In response to a thread a few weeks ago, I realized how good it feels when T is playful with me. I've told him in the past (in a joking manner) that it seems like whenever I tell him I like something that he does, he quits doing it. I have gotten overly aroused (non-sexually) in the past when he playfully interacted with me. Maybe that has something to do with why he doesn't do it anymore?

Lately I've been confused about who my true self is, and this is what I've concluded. Whether right or wrong, I guess it's a matter of perception? We haven't talked about it yet because I just realized this after thinking about it for a long time.

[guilloche]

Aww... I'd feel rejected too. It's worth talking to your T about. Maybe he doesn't realize what's going on? For me, it would make it harder for me to express thoughts/feelings across the board, I think.. rejection sucks!

Originally Posted by guilloche

Aww... I'd feel rejected too. It's worth talking to your T about. Maybe he doesn't realize what's going on? For me, it would make it harder for me to express thoughts/feelings across the board, I think.. rejection sucks!

That's exactly what I told him (aside from that this feels like my true self'). I've been having trouble opening up to him because of this. Thanks for reinforcing the importance of talking with him about that.

[Freewilled]

My T doesn't always mirror me, mian síoraí. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I have felt that frustration when my T doesn't respond in kind, but I don't think mine does it on purpose. I think he misses the subtle differences and to be honest, I don't always get what's going on with me either lol

If you think your T is purposely withholding, it might be helpful to ask. It's important for you to feel comfortable being yourself in the therapy room.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I love how my T "mirrors?" me. If I'm happy, she's happy. If I'm playful, she's playful. When I'm sad, she quiets her voice and is comforting to me. When I'm angry, she challenges me. I can't imagine her not doing this. I too would feel rejected and more insecure. It would be almost re-traumatizing to me.

Maybe it's a component of attunement rather than mirroring? I'll discuss with him more. We have a good relationship, so I can definitely bring it up.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I love how my T "mirrors?" me. If I'm happy, she's happy. If I'm playful, she's playful. When I'm sad, she quiets her voice and is comforting to me. When I'm angry, she challenges me. I can't imagine her not doing this. I too would feel rejected and more insecure. It would be almost re-traumatizing to me.

I wouldn't want him to be fake though. If he's not feeling happy but acted happy, well that would seem fake. Do you ever get that feeling?

It does make me feel rejected and insecure, and a wall goes back up afterwards. Of course I'm insecure to begin with, but we do work on that all of the time.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

I wouldn't want him to be fake though. If he's not feeling happy but acted happy, well that would seem fake. Do you ever get that feeling?

It does make me feel rejected and insecure, and a wall goes back up afterwards. Of course I'm insecure to begin with, but we do work on that all of the time.

I don't feel my T is being fake. Once before she has told me that I bring out the child within her which she enjoys. She spends so much of her time being professional, but she can relax and be herself when she's with me. I want that for her. I want to know the real authentic her. And I do read her verbal and body language looking for clues to if she's sincere. To me, it's more that she's being empathetic and living in the moment with me. She's relating, trying to feel what I feel, so that she can understand me better.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I don't feel my T is being fake. Once before she has told me that I bring out the child within her which she enjoys. She spends so much of her time being professional, but she can relax and be herself when she's with me. I want that for her. I want to know the real authentic her. And I do read her verbal and body language looking for clues to if she's sincere. To me, it's more that she's being empathetic and living in the moment with me. She's relating, trying to feel what I feel, so that she can understand me better.

I like the way you framed this, and it sounds very sweet.

Maybe I don't bring out good feelings in him like you do with your T?

Funny though...men I used to date (and they were usually older like T) frequently told me that I made them feel really young again.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't think it's you, but rather more him. My T much more expressive than my Pdoc. My Pdoc reacts differently to me than my T does...yet I'm the same with both. It's just that my Pdoc has a completely different personality than my T. I have actually told them that I wouldn't want my Pdoc to be my T, and I wouldn't want my T to be my Pdoc. Their personalities fit their roles in my life.

Maybe it's just how your T is.

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

I wouldn't want him to be fake though. If he's not feeling happy but acted happy, well that would seem fake. Do you ever get that feeling?

It does make me feel rejected and insecure, and a wall goes back up afterwards. Of course I'm insecure to begin with, but we do work on that all of the time.

How could you tell that somebody is faking emotion, if they are doing it well? I don't think I would be able to spot that. I have no experience of a T showing any particular emotion around me, though, so it's not something I've had to encounter. Maybe it would be really obvious.

I have sometimes felt that my genuine self comes out in therapy, too. It is a horrible feeling for me. I am not a good or pleasant person at all.