[The Grey Wolf]

Hey I've been struggling for the past 15 years now on my own with various issues and I have never sought help for a number of reasons. I'm scared of being institutionized I'm terrified of Abuse I don't think it will help can't afford it and I generally don't like to open up to people. I have been thinking about seeing a therapist a lot more recently been thinking about it for years but lately about everyday. I would have to go to free clinic because I don't have any money and I am thinking that the therapists at those places might not be as good as those you pay for. I have either an idealized version of me being in therapy largely based on movies like Antwone Fisher and Good Will Hunting but I also fear a more negative side I remember hearing someone say that the therapist they had was mean to them and refused to talk about herself at all. The only way I can get to open up to people in person is for their to be a trusting relationship with an exchange of conversation feelings experiences and ideas. From what I have heard therapist s don't do this and they don't act like they do in those movies. I cannot see me being able totalk to a stranger about all of my issues when I think about this sceneraio it usually ends with me storming out mad. Could any one here tell me what seeing a therapist is really like? May

Sorry to hear you have been struggling alone. I think we probably all experience therapy in different ways, this is how the last few months have been for me, I, like you have never sought help from anyone before: when I first started going I found I kind of froze and couldn't seem to think when I was in the room with her, or say much, my T is quite talkative so she talked herself and I have gradually become able to think and talk. Immediately I started seeing her I started sleeping badly, this has improved now, I also started feeling difficult emotions - seeing her sort of bought my emotions up to the surface. After a few weeks I found I started to feel angry or upset about things she said, it has been hard talking about this, I see my feelings aren't really related to her, but to me. I found I started thinking about my T all the time, and it was hard just to see my T once a week, particularly as it meant I had to hold onto the angry feelings for a week. This has got easier. Sometimes I have found a huge sense of relief with saying things to her that I have never said to anyone. Despite how hard I have been finding it I feel in someway like a different person, I can look people in the eye more and find it easier to talk to people in my life. My T doesn't talk about her personal life, though she occasionally says little things to illustrate a point, however I feel that she is the opposite of distant, she is very present in the room with me. I hope this helps. If I were to describe therapy in two words it would be : overwhelmingly hard.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My experience with therapy has ranged based upon the T.

One T talked about herself for 50% of the session, 25% about my week, and the other 25% trying to get me to talk about my sex life.

Another T pushed me way to hard during our first session and I wound up in the hospital the next day.

I saw yet another T for 4 years. I was forced to see her. I didn't really care at first. We talked about mundane things. But over time I began to trust her and slowly started opening up. She didn't talk about her life except for a few small things, but I was still able to develop trust with her. I made so much progress with that T. I still have contact with her and we terminated 9 years ago.

Current T I saw by choice. I desperately needed help. She doesn't talk much about her life or experiences, but she does give her opinions and why. My current T has helped me a lot too, but in a different way than my T of 4 years. But both Ts have been wonderful.

It takes time. You have to try out different Ts (if you can), and try to find a basic connection. Then you have to be patient with yourself and the process. The point of therapy is to improve aspects of your life that you feel need to improve. Those things don't happen overnight. Trust doesn't happen overnight. And it takes a ton of effort. But imo, it's worth it.

To simply describe how my current therapy is: extremely difficult, confusing, overwhelming, emotional, vulnerability, supportive, encouraging, provides hope, care, and is valuable and rewarding. Simple, eh?

[ThisWayOut]

Trust can be difficult. I've seen a number of therapists over the years, mostly because they were students and their internships only lasted the year. It's definitely not like Good Will Hunting, but I've had some breakthrough moments. As everyone mentioned previously, it really depends on your t. Most good ones will not talk top much about themselves because the hour is supposed top be about you, but they will work with you to build rapport. You can always go in saying that you are unsure of how therapy really works because all you have is the picture painted by those movies...
even t's in community clinics can be good. Yes, there is the share of really ****** t's, but many are compassionate and helpful. I've seen t's at community clinics more than I've seen prelate practice t's. Just be prepared to ask to switch if you are really not comfortable with whoever you end up seeing... it's not the easiest thing to do, especially if you are like me and have trouble asking for what you need, but it can male a world of difference...
I hope you can find some support.

[Abe Froman]

I don't have experience with a free clinic. But I've looked into them for a friend of mine.

So far as the quality of therapists there, I really think there are T's who are definitely not in it for money. There are some who truly just want to help people. My current T is like that. He's in private practice with his wife and two others. He works with all of his clients about the money.

As far as what therapy is like, it's different from different therapists. You might find one that will just sit there and have a conversation with you until you start talking. My current guy is not far off from Good Will Hunting. If I don't have something specifically to talk about then we just shoot the bull. Then maybe I'll think about something to talk about at the end.

I would highly recommend you give it a shot and if you get a therapist that you aren't comfortable with then ask for another one. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries to find one that is a good fit for you.

[BonnieJean]

I hope you decide to give it a try. Some counselors who work at free clinics seem very dedicated to what they do but may feel overworked if their client load is heavy. I don't think that just because they are working there gives them any less potential to be a good fit for you.

You do have to grow accustomed to t's not talking about themselves, at least mine doesn't very much unless it is very relevant and she answers a specific question I ask. The give and take of conversation is pretty much all about you (or that's the premise of counseling) and you have to become used to it. It feels pretty vulnerable at times for me but t's are trained to build trusting, accepting, containing relationships with you. It is not like any other relationship I've ever experienced. I went in expecting a few months but am in my fourth year now. There's a lot I have to work on...

If you've been managing on your own all this time it seems unlikely that you'd be hospitalized. That seems to be a way to go if there's a chance you'll harm yourself or you just need a place to stabilize, etc. And the majority of the time I imagine you could say "no" but others probably know better than me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

About free clinics...the T I saw for 4 years who really helped me...was at a free clinic

[The Grey Wolf]

Thanks I've heard that there are only two therapists at the only mental health clinic nearby. I'm just wondering why would a therapist ask about someones sex life? It doesn't make sense to me. It wouldn't be an indicator of anything. I have played the various scenarios in my head of me talking to therapist and that's not something I even thought about do all of them ask that? Or just that one?

if your sex life is not a source of trouble there wouldn't be any reason to talk about it in therapy. Some therapists might ask about it but most probably wouldn't unless you indicate that it is something you would like to talk about. Nothing is off limits to discuss in therapy, but it has to come from you. Many people do need to discuss their sex lives in therapy, but many people don't, so it really depends on the individual client.

[The Grey Wolf]

Well thank you all for your experiences I am thinking about trying after Christmas. I am not sure how it will I mean pretty much all of you said that I would need to see multiple therapists but there is only one free clinic around and I live in the middle of nowhere so I wouldn't be able to get to another one. I also don't have the money for medications not even for the copay. I really just feel like I have been cursed and I'm trapped. I mean it took me a year to join this site and no one here knows who I am nor can see me so I'm not sure how talking to stranger In person is going to be. I was in a psychiatric hospital when I was 10 I remember being miserable the whole time I was forced to go by teachers at my school who I guess made a report about me. I remember getting mad and yelling at the therapist and begging to leave which ultimately they let me out early probably got sick of putting up with me. I hope it would be better than that experience.

[LindaLu]

Grey Wolf one thing that will help if you do decide to see someone at the clinic is to come to first session with a list of issues YOU want covered and describe what would be success in your view. I didn't do this and I self pay in full so now I do wonder is my T stringing me along for the money? I don't think so, there is genuine relief when a session arrives at a new insight or tool (e.g., writing exercise, meditation, etc) that frees the mind from painful habits. But having a scope of work so to speak will let you control the direction or even redirect your T if he/she raises topics that are not problematic for you, e.g., sex. Also you can introduce the idea "Let's work together X weeks and evaluate where I am." That gives you both a framework and expectation for making progress and terminating for another T if things aren't where they should be, or hopefully better than you expected where you can terminate T altogether. Good luck!

[The Grey Wolf]

Thanks actually I already have written down list of things to talk about as well as a list of possible diagnosis. I've been thinking about going to therapy for years and played out lots of scenarios in my head. I just am so scared it keeps me from going.

It's worth trying out, since it's free. I have never had a therapist ask about my sex life. Most have just asked what brought me there and what I wanted to work on.

There are many types of therapy, though, so try to find out what the clinic approach is. I go to an HMO and it only covers "evidence-based" therapy, which means short-term therapy focused on problem solving. It's not for me. I prefer something long term, more along the lines of psychodynamic. It's okay to call and ask what kind of therapy they practice. Then google it. That will give you a better idea about what to expect.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

It's worth trying out, since it's free. I have never had a therapist ask about my sex life. Most have just asked what brought me there and what I wanted to work on.

There are many types of therapy, though, so try to find out what the clinic approach is. I go to an HMO and it only covers "evidence-based" therapy, which means short-term therapy focused on problem solving. It's not for me. I prefer something long term, more along the lines of psychodynamic. It's okay to call and ask what kind of therapy they practice. Then google it. That will give you a better idea about what to expect.

I don't want to derail the thread, but just a brief comment on this: it is unfortunate that the term "evidence-based" is sometimes used only for behavioural, short-term therapies such as CBT. There is plenty of research and evidence for the efficiency of psychodynamic therapy, so that modality (which is the one that works best for me, too) is also very much evidence based. Of course any therapist has to kep up-to-date with recent research, but that applies equally to therapists within all modalities.

[The Grey Wolf]

I didn't know there were different types of therapy either. I would definitely need something long term.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I don't want to derail the thread, but just a brief comment on this: it is unfortunate that the term "evidence-based" is sometimes used only for behavioural, short-term therapies such as CBT. There is plenty of research and evidence for the efficiency of psychodynamic therapy, so that modality (which is the one that works best for me, too) is also very much evidence based. Of course any therapist has to kep up-to-date with recent research, but that applies equally to therapists within all modalities.

I agree, but that's how my HMO defines it. I always ask when calling around.

Originally Posted by The Grey Wolf

I didn't know there were different types of therapy either. I would definitely need something long term.

Then you are already one step ahead in your search. It always helps to know what you're looking for, and this helps give you something to ask about.