Has anyone revealed attraction to same-sex therapist?

grimtopaz · Nov 29, 2014 at 02:46 PM

As the title states. Have any of you revealed having feelings of romantic attraction (what some would refer to as "erotic transference" toward a same-sex therapist?

If so, how did they respond?

Do you consider it a positive or negative experience (telling them)?

Do you think the fact that it was same-sex transference affected your willingness to disclose?

ThisWayOut · Nov 30, 2014 at 10:02 AM

My wife has in couple's t... but we were all lesbians (t included), so I'm not sure it relates to what you are asking in that way...
regardless, t took it in stride and we talked about it. It didn't make the t relationship weirder than it already was.

HazelGirl · Nov 30, 2014 at 10:16 AM

Heterosexual people can have same-sex attraction in therapy due to transference. It happens fairly often and isn't much different from opposite-sex erotic transference.

02:23 PM

I always wonder if it's really attraction or could it be that it's pure nurture that we feel ?
I think we look up to T as we would to a parent , teacher and it gets confusing .

JaneTennison1 · Nov 30, 2014 at 12:59 PM

I think transference is hard NOT to feel. A lot of us come from places of neglect in one way or another and here is someone showing all their interest in you and what you have to say. Most T's know how to handle this, same sex or not.

rainbow8 · Nov 30, 2014 at 06:31 PM

Yes, I've told my T that I felt romantic attraction toward her, and we're both female. She said once that she was flattered, and that it was okay to feel that way. I was embarrassed, so we talked about what it would mean if I were bisexual. I don't think I am, though. I agree that my feelings would be the same if my T were a man, that it's transference, mostly.

To answer your other questions, yes it was harder for me to tell my T because I didn't want her to think I was gay. It was positive for me to her because her acceptance of me is very healing, it also helped me to realize that I can tell her anything.

Nov 30, 2014 at 06:34 PM

Yes and she terminated me

I will never tell them again

grimtopaz · Nov 30, 2014 at 07:27 PM

She terminated just because you told her you had romantic feelings? I'd be interested in hearing your story since it sounds SO wrong. Did you talk about it in another thread?

Quote:

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Yes and she terminated me

I will never tell them again

BTW, I am bisexual and I've spoken to my therapist at length about my attraction to women and how they provide something men can't in terms of emotional intimacy/talking about feelings. I suppose it's at least on her radar that it would be possible for me to be attracted to her. I am just concerned that therapists are used to hearing about attraction from the opposite sex, but not same-sex.

stopdog · Nov 30, 2014 at 07:31 PM

The first one I see asked me if I was attracted to her and acted offended/defensive when I said of course not. Yuck - I can't even imagine such a thing happening. But it does seem as though some of those people expect it and are not going to be offended by it.

grimtopaz · Nov 30, 2014 at 08:09 PM

Did she tell you what made her think you were attracted to her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

The first one I see asked me if I was attracted to her and acted offended/defensive when I said of course not. Yuck - I can't even imagine such a thing happening. But it does seem as though some of those people expect it and are not going to be offended by it.

Nov 30, 2014 at 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Yes and she terminated me

I will never tell them again

I think she did that because she didn't want your feelings for her to be interfering with your theripy .

Partless · Dec 01, 2014 at 04:57 AM

I have nothing to add here but was just wondering if this thread should be in that romantic feeling subforum here...

purplemystery · Dec 01, 2014 at 07:00 AM

I told my T in my second to last session with her. She said she was glad that I told her and asked why I let her know that. I said that I wanted her to understand everything that I was feeling for her. This isn't exactly how she phrased it, but T said that she thinks there is some overlap in all relationships, whether it's teacher/student, parent/child, or therapist/client. I'm not explaining it very well, but she didn't mean sexual feelings- just feelings different from the expected in the relationship (ex: seeing a parent as a friend also). She was saying that she thinks the feelings are "real." Then she said that if anything, my feelings tell her that we had a really strong connection. She thanked me for telling her and may have also said she wasn't freaked out.

Favorite Jeans · Dec 01, 2014 at 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nature1968

I think she did that because she didn't want your feelings for her to be interfering with your theripy .

Your feelings for your therapist ARE your therapy. That's why it's so messed up when therapists are too unskilled to handled transference.

Dec 01, 2014 at 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Your feelings for your therapist ARE your therapy. That's why it's so messed up when therapists are too unskilled to handled transference.

Good point it didn't even cross my mind -

HowDoYouFeelMeow? · Dec 01, 2014 at 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplemystery

T said that she thinks there is some overlap in all relationships, whether it's teacher/student, parent/child, or therapist/client.

Yes, I agree with her on this. I just had a student ask me to date them. So awkward... I bet there is some sort of transference there because I am in a position of power much like a therapist, and I definitely don't project any womanly charm. I bet he is mistaking a (hopefully) good teacher with a good girlfriend, not that I would ever date a student anyways.

purplemystery · Dec 01, 2014 at 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?

Yes, I agree with her on this. I just had a student ask me to date them. So awkward... I bet there is some sort of transference there because I am in a position of power much like a therapist, and I definitely don't project any womanly charm. I bet he is mistaking a (hopefully) good teacher with a good girlfriend, not that I would ever date a student anyways.

I agree, because if you think about it, the roles of teacher/student or therapist/client are constructed by us and are not necessarily natural. So it's reasonable to expect that feelings can't likewise be completely sectioned off.

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grimtopaz Member Member Since Jan 2014 Location: Oregon Posts: 212 10 10 hugs given	Nov 29, 2014 at 02:46 PM #1 As the title states. Have any of you revealed having feelings of romantic attraction (what some would refer to as "erotic transference" toward a same-sex therapist? If so, how did they respond? Do you consider it a positive or negative experience (telling them)? Do you think the fact that it was same-sex transference affected your willingness to disclose?
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ThisWayOut Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2013 Location: in my own little world Posts: 4,227 11 6,452 hugs given	Nov 30, 2014 at 10:02 AM #2 My wife has in couple's t... but we were all lesbians (t included), so I'm not sure it relates to what you are asking in that way... regardless, t took it in stride and we talked about it. It didn't make the t relationship weirder than it already was.
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HazelGirl Elder Member Since Jan 2014 Location: USA Posts: 5,248 10 91 hugs given	Nov 30, 2014 at 10:16 AM #3 Heterosexual people can have same-sex attraction in therapy due to transference. It happens fairly often and isn't much different from opposite-sex erotic transference. __________________ HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg
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Anonymous100168 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 30, 2014 at 10:49 AM #4 I always wonder if it's really attraction or could it be that it's pure nurture that we feel ? I think we look up to T as we would to a parent , teacher and it gets confusing . Last edited by Anonymous100168; Nov 30, 2014 at 02:23 PM..
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JaneTennison1 Magnate Member Since Aug 2014 Location: US Posts: 2,202 9 121 hugs given	Nov 30, 2014 at 12:59 PM #5 I think transference is hard NOT to feel. A lot of us come from places of neglect in one way or another and here is someone showing all their interest in you and what you have to say. Most T's know how to handle this, same sex or not.
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Anonymous58205 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 30, 2014 at 06:34 PM #7 Yes and she terminated me I will never tell them again
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Partless Poohbah Member Since Jun 2014 Location: Bellingham Posts: 1,013 9 376 hugs given	Dec 01, 2014 at 04:57 AM #12 I have nothing to add here but was just wondering if this thread should be in that romantic feeling subforum here...
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