[ThisWayOut]

Seeing t today. The past two weeks have been pretty ******, so I want to see her, but at the same time, I know the hour will go by too quickly and I'm afraid I won't get what I need from it. She wants me to tell her how the biweekly concept is going, and I'm not sure I'll be able to admit how difficult it is right now... I don't want to push boundaries, and I'm looking at the biweekly appointment thing as a boundary. I tried to look at it as something I can request changed, but it causes panic to think of it that way. I'm afraid she's going to be mad at me if I don't say I'm doing fine with everything. I'm pretty sure it's related to parent issues, but I don't know how to admit to it over the fear. Any suggestions? Pocket riders to cheer me on? Someone to kick my butt into submission? help! o_O

[NowhereUSA]

You can do this! If it's not working, say so. If it were a real boundary, she wouldn't give you the option to weigh in. If nothing else, maybe write it on a note and hand it to her?

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

...She wants me to tell her how the biweekly concept is going, and I'm not sure I'll be able to admit how difficult it is right now...... I'm afraid she's going to be mad at me if I don't say I'm doing fine with everything.

I'm in for the ride. And I totally get why this is scary, it is for me too. (I was raised to think that the question, "Are you ok?" was completely rhetorical - and unless I was actually on the verge of imminent death, the only response was "yup, I'm fine!").

Here are some thoughts... I'm not sure if they'll help, but see what you think?

- She's asking how the biweekly thing is going. The honest answer is, not well. Can you be open to the thought that she might actually want the honest answer (the "data") rather than the "happy" answer? Is that something you can check out with her, before giving her answer? Like, "Hey T... I have to ask, do you really want to know how this is going for me? Does my answer matter, or is this a done deal... where if I tell you that it's not working, you'll express some empathy but tell me it's not changeable?"

- Same thing for the idea that she might be mad about your answer. Is there any way you can check this out, or talk about it, before you give your answer?

That's something I might try... it's a way to challenge your interpretations, before you commit yourself to an answer that isn't going to serve your best interests.

The other thing to think about, maybe, is that you really *deserve* to get the care you need. YOU DO! And, I bet your T wants to give that to you! She doesn't want to do a crummy job, she wants to make sure you're ok, and help you as much as she can before she moves on to her next job. She can't do that if you're not honest with her! So, if you give the "polite answer" - you're actually doing her a disservice, by making it harder for her to do her job!

*hugs* Good luck!!!

[ThisWayOut]

**** **** **** **** ****. Saw her, kinda told her how bad stuff was, but... got lost and... ****. Can't do this. Supposed to go help a friend pack. Don't want to. Want to go home and go to bed. Really wish something would just take me out... nor trying myself because it would just get me in trouble, but really, really, really wish something would do it for me. ****. Can't do this...
she's keeping to every other week with me calling if I need to see her. Tried to tell her is not a good time, but she's sticking to it, and I'm not pushing the boundary... ****. ****. ****. I feel so alone... I can't do this.
I can't keep the tears out of my eyes enough to drive to my friend's house. Can't go back in and tell her how I feel, she's gone. Wouldn't help anyway. ****. I can't do this...

[guilloche]

(((ThisWayOut)))

I am soooo sorry it went badly. What the heck is wrong with your T? I kind of want to call her up and yell at her for you!!!

[NowhereUSA]

I'm sorry Is this a newer T? I don't understand why she's pushing this schedule?!

[Soccer mom]

You said you "kinda" told her. Maybe you thought you did but it didn't really come across. Why don't you call her and ask for another appointment? She's there to support you - she's not your parents. My T. always reminds me she's not my mom because I always assume the worse.

[ThisWayOut]

Thanks. I'm feeling a bit less frantic now. Ended up helping a friend pack some. The distraction was good...
she is a newer t. Not a student, but not yet licensed either... I'm not sure if biweekly is her agenda or the agency's. Either way, she's holding to it. I don't really care. I just need to make it through the mini vacation next weekend, then I don't care anymore...