[ShrinkPatient]

I've been seeing my amazing & dedicated T for 2 & 1/2 years. We have a really great connection & I totally trust her. My therapy is psychodynamic in nature & one of my prominent issues is that I dissociate from emotions. Lately, I've been "feeling my feelings" often. When I'm emotional, in or out of session, I usually can't remember a lot of what either of us say. Which, is a problem because I try to go over & process what was said & how it was said after sessions. I've been doing this constantly throughout therapy. After oR while I process, I'm journaling everything & then I write out things I want to clarify, questions I have, or just how I felt about something we talked about & I either email her or go through them at next session. My T really likes that I do this and it has helped a ton.
All of that mess said, lately, I'm remembering only bits & pieces of what she said & I'm often worried if I actually got my point across, explained myself well enough, or if I even made sense at all. I know I don't always make sense when I'm emotional.
The past few weeks, I've been voice recording our sessions. I haven't told her. I really don't think she'd mind but I'm worried I could be wrong. I'd like to come clean. We email back and forth a lot and we both archive every single email. She has guaranteed NONE OF WHICH will ever become part of my treatment notes. Since I have been & want to continue recording sessions, I'd like to tell her, ask what she thinks, and offer her the opportunity to have access to &/or archive the recordings.
I have no idea how to bring this up or if I even should!!! If you think it is a good idea to tell her, how would you suggest I do it? Do you think she'll be upset? They are MY sessions after all.
Sorry this is so long but I really need help!!!!

[callisto711]

I started recording my sessions after the first month. I have trust issues, and I have ADHD and it's really hard for me to pay attention to what she says sometimes. Recording it and listening to it really helps me to process what she says. It also helps me to trust more because I can pick up on the nuances of her tone.
I have not told her and I will not tell her. In my state, it is illegal to record a conversation without the permission of both parties involved. It's called "two-party consent." I would imagine it would be quite scary if I were to tell her I was recording our conversations. It would invite some thoughts of a malpractice suit or something. However, even if she did do something in session that I could sue her for or whatever, I would never use the recordings because they are without her permission and I am doing it for my own benefit. I would not hold it against her.
I personally will not tell my therapist about it, but you can if you want to. I have only been seeing my therapist for 3 months and our relationship is not that great yet. I do like her though.

[stopdog]

I personally would not go into the past recordings. I might say I was going to start recording them for X reason and see how the therapist responds.

[ShrinkPatient]

[QUOTE=In my state, it is illegal to record a conversation without the permission of both parties involved. It's called "two-party consent." I would imagine it would be quite scary if I were to tell her.[/QUOTE]

I live in a one-party state. So, unless there's some specific law about therapeutic sessions, I'm not breaking any laws. I have ADD as well and it's just like you said. It's so helpful listening again because you pick up the nuances in her voice. Also, I have found on several occasions that when I listened to the recordings later, I had misunderstood some of the things she was saying when I in the session. Another plus, it's really a great benefit to hear myself. Hearing yourself is so much different than speaking, even when you're only saying something that you had thought out in advance. It's telling me a lot about how I communicate. I wish it would record every time I roll my eyes and shake my head.
Even though legally it'd be permissible, I'D NEVER EVER EVER use them against her legally. So what if she says something that's not very "therapy." She might be a therapist but the fact that she's hums is one of the things I like most about her. If she says something that bothers me for any reason, we talk it through next time! Duh! That's what you do in adult relationships.
My reluctance in talking to her stems from making her paranoid. I know she has absolutely no reason to be but I could understand it making her nervous and I wouldn't want her to sensor herself in anyway. If I tell her....when I tell her, if she's uncomfortable about it, I'm not going to record anymore. I want her to be just as comfortable as I am or therapy won't work anyway.
Thanks for your response. I was so sure I was the only one who recorded sessions. I thought I might be a freak.

[ShrinkPatient]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I personally would not go into the past recordings. I might say I was going to start recording them for X reason and see how the therapist responds.

I was actually considering that approach. That might be the best way to do it. I'll still feel a little guilty for not telling her everything but the important thing is to find out how she feels about it!!
Thanks for responding Stopdog! I know you tell it exactly as you see it! I appreciate that!

[HazelGirl]

What about saying "Could I start recording sessions? I have been struggling to remember what happened and it is getting in the way of me processing the sessions. If that's okay, I could also give you access to the recordings, if you want."

[ShrinkPatient]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

What about saying "Could I start recording sessions? I have been struggling to remember what happened and it is getting in the way of me processing the sessions. If that's okay, I could also give you access to the recordings, if you want."

I thinks that's a great way to put it. It's weird. I've been so nervous about telling her, I haven't even been able to put it into words.
Thanks for responding. The more replies I get like this, the more confident I feel.