Being comfortable in therapy

How did you come to be comfortable in therapy and with your therapist?
Is there anything that your T did or that you did to make you session more comfortable for you? How long did it take you to become comfortable and to open up to your T and let the therapeutic process work?

For me it just happened. I have been in therapy for so long (34+|- years) that I feel comfortable the first day.

Well, I've quit every T I ever saw! So I guess I never became comfortable with any of them. However, my last one was the best. I think it just takes time to become comfortable. Plus, it happens in stages.

There's comfort... & then there's comfort... in other words, there's a degree of comfort you achieve that enables you to talk about some of the stuff that isn't necessarily deeply personal. Then there are succeeding levels of comfort that allow you to talk about more-&-more deeply personal stuff. It's all mostly a matter of time, assuming that the T is someone can bond with to begin with.

One thing my last T always did was to offer me something to drink (coffee, pop, water) at the beginning of each session. It was not only pleasant to have something to drink, but it also gave me something to fiddle with as we talked.

My T has demonstrated a LOT of patience with me that I know he doesn't always display with other patients or coworkers (we have some mutual aquaintances, small town yo!). He also has put effort into slowing down with me. He's apologized and has never reacted in the negative ways that I always expect him to. He shares some bits and pieces from his own life which I know he doesn't do often. He rewords things that I say or that he observes and it makes sense, so I know he's learned and figured me out more than he did when we started. We can joke around a bit. Those sorts of things make me more comfortable with him.

I cannot imagine such a thing being a good idea. Those guys are wily and one must be vigilent.

I don't think that I can say that I've ever gotten to a comfortable place and stayed there with either of the two therapists I've seen. I'll have some sessions when I feel connected (whatever the heck that means ), and sessions when I've left feeling as though I must be on crack to think that this stupid therapy thing is working. For me, therapy is a to and fro kind of thing for me--I move forward toward the connection and then move back in discomfort. It's kinda like a dance step that isn't always smooth or polished. Lucky for me, the therapists I've seen have been very patient.

I'm with a new therapist (we've been working together for about two or so months). I like her. She's calm, consistent and reflective. Am I comfortable with her? Not really. I find therapy pretty painful and unpleasant. But there are moments that are wonderful and enlightening. . . just wish there were more of those moments than the uncomfortable moments!

With my last therapist, I never felt comfortable (saw her for about 8 months). With my current therapist, I felt comfortable as soon as she opened the door. For me, she is very easy to talk to and has that balance of genuine warmth and professionalism.

I think it varies for everyone, but I'd say if it doesn't feel right, you know within 1-3 sessions. It might take longer to feel comfortable, but there's a kind of knowing that you can work with this person.

for me, the comfort comes from time and seeing how the T responds. there are things I am more comfortable telling "random" people, but there's other stuff that definitely takes trust and being comfortable with the T. With one t, it happened instantly after she responded in a very supportive way to something I was going through. With current T, it's been her consistent patience and willingness to revisit a lot of stupid stuff.
Sometimes comfort is forgone for necessity though. With current T, there was stuff I was really struggling with when I first started seeing her. I had to find the ability to tell her about it, and then hope that it was the right choice... There are still times that I'm not comfortable with T though. I think it has a lot to do with whatever I'm going through at the moment. If too much stuff from the past is triggered, I'm not comfortable with anyone or anything.

I am very comfortable with my therapist. We have spent lots of time together, and lots of time just chit- chatting , and time just getting to know each other, etc. It took a couple months to get comfortable with her.

Can you elaborate a bit on comfort? Is it mainly opening up or something else?

I think that when you're truly "comfortable" in therapy, you're probably finished.

Ha! That's probably true. I was thinking of the second part of the question, about being comfortable with the therapist; but, yeah, you're right about comfort with therapy being more of an exit sign.

Thanks everyone! Maybe comfortable it not the right word. Maybe my problem is about trust and thats why I am so uncomfortable in therapy. I like my T, she is someone I feel I could trust but I have a problem letting myself trust her. Like I'm resisting the urge because I don't want to have feelings of any nature towards her.

A few things for me.

First, I basically made her important from day 1. It's complicated to explain how. Plus, I wrote out my history and gave it to her day 1.

But what made the difference was when I felt betrayed by her last Christmas. I didn't want to see her again. She hurt me really bad and she knew that. I did go to our next session. When she walked out I couldn't even look at her. I got up and she walked straight to me. She didn't say a word. She put her arms around me and hugged me. I thought it was just a quick hug so I let go, but she didn't. She just held me. I allowed myself to let go and just cry in her arms. That meant the world to me. She didn't ask if it was okay, she didn't apologize. She comforted me in a very sincere way. And since then, my trust and connection with her has only strengthened.

I think its trust like broken warrior said. I've been seeing my T for 4 years now ad just the other week I told that maybe I was begining to trust him a little. He said it took trust to say what I said. We then examined what we both do to encourage that trust. In the beginning there was just something about the way he listened to me and didn't ask the same pointless question that other T have asked in the first session. You know the question "How do you feel?" That was what I was there for because I did not know how I felt and babsically they asked in 20 different ways.

If you don't mind me asking, how old is your T? I feel like my T has to show me, like your T did, that she really does care and want to help me.

Your T sounds amazing by the way!

I may not ever be comfortable in therapy or feel close enough or trust her enough.

For me I had to work around to the idea, over a long time period, thinking "I need it but I don't want it." I finally decided I was tired of living this way, and examining myself and getting to the root of my issues was going to hurt but I was ready for it.

I had to get comfortable in my own mind before I even contemplated actually seeing someone.

Ty I think my T is amazing She's 31. I'm 32.

She doesn't believe in things like saying I'm sorry... Well, she'll say it, but she doesn't believe words prove it. And she knows words mean nothing to me. Actions, even if over time, prove much more to me than any word can.

I'm not totally comfortable yet, but I feel a little better about this T than the ones in the past.

I think it's partly him, and partly me...

I read here, someone talked about deciding to trust their T, and rationalizing that with the idea that all the boundaries that are in place (about them not contacting you if you quit, not sharing your information if you don't allow it, etc.) is all for your protection. That made sense to me. I took some big risks with sharing things (in writing, couldn't talk about them) very early on... because I knew I needed to do something different than I had in past (unsuccessful) T... and I figured if he ended up being a pushy jerk about it, I'd quit. I was really ready to quit too!

But, he's been great. I think he's naturally a little pushy and impatient, but he's really managed to slow down with me.

He's also been great with anything I've brought up that I'm unhappy about in therapy. He is completely (so far!) non-defensive, listens to what's bothering me, and seems to think carefully about it. He'll explain why he did/said whatever it was, and if it's something he can change to suit me he will. If it's something that he things he did wrong, he'll apologize. If it's something he can't change, he'll explain why.

That sounds SO basic, but none of my previous Ts were able to react like that with me (I had one that insisted that I was trying to "change" him!) Anyway, his reactions have made it quite a bit easier to bring up things with him, because he just doesn't seem (so far!) to get offended, hurt, or angry about this stuff.

He is also not a blank slate, which is helpful for me, especially in the beginning, and tends to react in a very real, human way. And, he can be expressive and funny when he needs to be, which again, feels more real to me - like he's not hiding behind some T-mask. Sometimes he fake whispers at me which makes me want to fall on the floor laughing!

So, I don't know. It's weird to me and I don't 100% trust any of it yet. He's not somebody that I think I would have picked... there was a lot of scariness in the beginning and I didn't think it was a good match. And this is going to sound *crazy*, but every time I was ready to quit (like every other session) - I was getting weird signs from the universe to stay. It was very very bizarre... but geez, who am I to argue with the universe

Oh! And when I get spacy/dissociative and feel like I'm falling backwards into myself and unable to talk, he's been the ONLY T so far that is actually able to pull me back out of that, and not make it worse. Even though he's not really trained to work with dissociative stuff, and wasn't really sure if I have dissociative issues.... which I kind of still find hysterical, just because I've so seen SO many Ts, and so many that are supposed to be good with dissociative disorders, who really made things worse. That alone, the fact that he reacts in a helpful way when I'm getting like that, was a HUGE big thing for me.

So I'm not fully 100% there yet, I still get nervous, and still write out things when I can't talk, and wasn't sure how he'd react to some big disclosures I had to make recently, but it's noticeably better than previous therapy so far, and that gives me hope and helps me to keep trying!

I think we reach levels of comfortabilty by testing it.