[dancinglady]

Anyone have any experience getting adult kids into therapy? I want them to learn DBT because they r struggling. I did not have the skills until recently so this is the only way they will get them. They are not super excited to say the least. Any help suggestions advice etc will be much appreciated.

[ScarletPimpernel]

You can't usually convince someone to go to therapy. I still keep trying for certain people in my life...

You can however, buy the DBT workbook and give it to them. Maybe that will spark some interest.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Anyone have any experience getting adult kids into therapy? I want them to learn DBT because they r struggling. I did not have the skills until recently so this is the only way they will get them. They are not super excited to say the least. Any help suggestions advice etc will be much appreciated.

When you say adult you mean they are older than 18? If that's the case, you can't force them into therapy. If it's hard to convince them that they will benefit from it, then, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. All I can say is that you might have a chance to convince them if you talk to them very nicely and let them know that you believe it'd be good experience for them. If they feel that you are pushing them, they won't do it. Another thing to try is to ask if they'd be willing to attend a family therapy session with you together so you could find out why they object to therapy. But if they say no to that and no to therapy all together, then you'll have to accept that.

[brillskep]

That's nice that you'd like to share the skills that have helped you with your kids.

As long as they are adults though, and of course unless they have a psychiatric condition which prevents them from making decisions about their own life, you can't get them in therapy without their agreement legally. You could try to explain how DBT has helped you and maybe that will convince them, but you can't take them to therapy as you would do with a minor. Sometimes it takes people a while to get into therapy and sometimes their path is just different - without knowing what specific issues your kids have, I generally think that there are more ways to overcome life's struggles. Many find therapy helpful, but many others prefer meditation, yoga, exercise, or something else. Trying to have someone else do it your way isn't necessarily going to help them much.

On the other hand, if your adult kids are in immediate danger, you can have them forcibly committed. Now, I'm not sure how to go from that to having them do DBT, because unfortunately where I live there isn't much psychotherapy going on at psych hospitals at all. But it can open up more options.

[Petra5ed]

You can try to bribe them, but really I think therapy only works if the person wants it to. If they still live at home and are dependent on you then you could say it is a condition of living with you, but you'd have to be willing to follow through and kick them out if they don't go to therapy, not sure how that would play out long term.

Really its no wonder they would resist you on this. I think just continuing to bring it up, unless there is something majorly wrong with your kids, will cause a major rift in your relationship if there's not one already. Essentially you're telling them there is something wrong with them they need to fix to be acceptable to you... normally people go into therapy when there is something wrong with them that they see and want to fix to be able to live better.

[NowhereUSA]

If they're adults, then there's not much you can do. DBT requires willingness. If you forced them in somehow (nagging incessantly maybe), they would likely shut down.

I think DBT is fantastic myself - and at the same time, you can't control the actions of others.

Plus you can "DBT them" at times. If they communicate with you, if they share problems, you don't have to say, "Well in DBT I..." - what I do is listen, hear what they're saying, and ask pointed questions. Then I gently suggest certain skills that I think would be helpful.

For example, I had a friend who was trying to deal with an interpersonal situation. She had a habit of taking on more than she could handle and in this case she had, but she'd also been given poor information. So I helped her be fair to the other person (that the other person didn't know she was overwhelmed) while also being fair to her (that she was given poor information). Then I encouraged her not to apologize for having to step away from something because she wasn't doing anything wrong, but if she felt it violated her personal code, apologizing for not being more aware of her limits would be fine. I told her to stick to her values which is that she needed to be committed to this bigger project and to be truthful about the situation she was in.

I did all of that without ever mentioning that I was walking her through the FAST skill. And it helped her. These are basic skills broken down for those of us who didn't really get them growing up. You can still pass them along without calling it DBT

You can persuade.. But in the end its up to them.

[dancinglady]

Thanks for the insite. Do not want them to think they r unacceptable. I think I will leave it alone until they bring it up. I like the using the skills when I am with them. I guess I can still be their teacher even now.