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#1
Dec 10, 2014, 09:54 PM
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So, when my t runs late (even just a few minutes) i begin to freak out. I get mad, or anxious, or sad. The thing is she is never over 5 minutes late so I can't even explain why I have such a bad reaction. Last session she got me 5 minutes late and I just shut down for half of the session without telling her why. Then later that night I emailed her how "being late" upsets me so much. I told her she comes to get me late because she doesn't want to see me. I also told her I think she hates hugging me and shouldn't do it anymore. I also told her she doesn't care about me:-/
The thing is she is great. I am very attached to her, think of her in a maternal way, and she is patient and gentle. She also lets me text/email her whenever I want which is so important to me because I have difficulty talking in sessions. And she knows how important a response is to me so she always gives one. She gives hugs too. She shows me in many ways that she cares but it is like I cannot accept it. I pick one thing that upsets me and turn it into something big and then I contact her and tell her she hates me. Ugh, why do I do this? Why am I always accusing her of hating me? Does anyone else freak out when their t is just a few minutes late? |
 kaliope, UnderRugSwept
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#2
Dec 10, 2014, 10:56 PM
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Do you think you are afraid of her rejecting and abandoning you so you are pushing her away first?
__________________
"Take me with you, I don't need shoes to follow, Bare feet running with you, Somewhere the rainbow ends, my dear." - Tori Amos |
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#3
Dec 10, 2014, 11:05 PM
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Quote:
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#4
Dec 10, 2014, 11:11 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"Take me with you, I don't need shoes to follow, Bare feet running with you, Somewhere the rainbow ends, my dear." - Tori Amos |
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#5
Dec 10, 2014, 11:42 PM
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i get upset when i have to wait but it isnt just t, it is anywhere, i have a panic attack. it is on lines at the grocery store, it is in restuarants. but it is from my ptsd and all the years of my dad dragging out the time, dragging out the threats, waiting for him to beat me.
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#6
Dec 11, 2014, 01:40 AM
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My therapist is always late, and on principle I hate lateness, but for some reason his lateness hasn't bothered me much. I've been curious why it hasn't bothered me...
Typically he's 10-15 minutes late, and I forgive him without thinking about it... this is pretty bizarre for me since if it were someone else I'd probably be irritated. I wonder if I'm shielding myself from my anger toward him because he means so much to me, so I wont even acknowledge it myself? If so it is all unconscious, but I've thought about it because he is late so often. Twice he was so late it did bother me... once it was just over 20 minutes. The second time after I waited 25 minutes or so I just left his office. Those couple times I was mad and I actually said something about it in session and he apologized and I let it go. A couple times when I was feeling bad about myself I thought about his lateness and took it as a sign he didn't care about me, but then by the time I saw his face had let it go. It's kind of pissing me off now come to think about it  .
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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