Or at least it might be the last session. He's made it very clear that the door is still open and I can come back if I want to.
We talked a little bit about unhealthy patterns that are emerging in our relationship. We talked about an email conversation we had after the last session where his language and the way he worded it really hurt me. He was super formal and emotionally cold I thought. He said there was something in the email I had sent him before that was triggering to him and probably informed that response. I found that admission validating because I felt that these patterns of behaviour weren't all my doing, and that we were both getting caught up in our own stuff.
He told me he has had a really difficult year and frankly I think that has seeped into our therapy.
I told him that I was scared a period away from him would remind him how much easier life is without me in it, then he wouldn't want to resume working with me, and he said that he has learned so much from working with me and it has been beneficial for his personal and professional development so he would be losing something too.
I asked him how he would feel about me seeing another therapist then returning to him, and he said he would be thrilled I was seeking the support I needed.
He agreed this was a healthy course of action and was very supportive.
At the end of the session he offered his hand to shake then rubbed the back of my hand with his other hand which was a genuine act of affection and meant a lot to me as we have had issues with touch boundaries in the past.
It was a healing and reassuring session and I feel emotional but comforted.
I see a new T on Wednesday and hope to work through the transference and current material with him.

[sideblinded]

....sounds to me like you have gained a lot of insight. I wish you the best onward down the road!

Thanks. And thanks everyone for the hugs.
It is so important to me that we parted on good terms and that I am welcome to come back.
I just hope I can connect with a new T for some short term processing.