And how does your T handle it?

Talk about it.

[JaneTennison1]

We keep things light. Nothing heavy that will leave me upset over the break.

[Soccer mom]

This was me yesterday before a 2 week break. I was very anxious and worried I would leave upset. It actually went well. I once told my T. that when she pats me on the arm or back, that I feel everything is ok with us and I can refer to that if I'm upset. She stopped doing it because she didn't want me to rely on it in case she forgot. However, we hug when my husband comes for group sessions because he's a hugger.
Yesterday, as I left she pat my arm and rubbed my back for the first time in months. I had read her a letter in the session that mentioned I was nervous I would leave upset or not be able to talk about everything. I guess she knew I needed it.
I had planned to tell her in the beginning that I needed to make sure I was ok when I left but I forgot in my nervousness. That's what I would suggest and maybe the last 10 minutes try to just chit chat and avoid deeper issues.

That's what I have tried to do in the past - keep it light. I was wondering if anyone has any tips or experienced anything that helped them to feel positive in the break. Or if their T's have done anything really helpful.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

This was me yesterday before a 2 week break. I was very anxious and worried I would leave upset. It actually went well. I once told my T. that when she pats me on the arm or back, that I feel everything is ok with us and I can refer to that if I'm upset. She stopped doing it because she didn't want me to rely on it in case she forgot. However, we hug when my husband comes for group sessions because he's a hugger.
Yesterday, as I left she pat my arm and rubbed my back for the first time in months. I had read her a letter in the session that mentioned I was nervous I would leave upset or not be able to talk about everything. I guess she knew I needed it.
I had planned to tell her in the beginning that I needed to make sure I was ok when I left but I forgot in my nervousness. That's what I would suggest and maybe the last 10 minutes try to just chit chat and avoid deeper issues.

Thanks, your T sounds very sensitive.

[brillskep]

I try to say goodbye on an amicable note and not to argue. We hug at the end of the session. He used to tell me I could call if I needed to but I don't think he will anymore.

[justanumber]

I have been worrying all week about how to handle the last session before a three week break. And T just cancelled our session. I guess that's how she handles a break

[stopdog]

I often just cancel it and think about how much money I am saving. The therapist has never done anything as far as I can tell the times I have gone.

Originally Posted by justanumber

I have been worrying all week about how to handle the last session before a three week break. And T just cancelled our session. I guess that's how she handles a break

I'm sorry she cancelled, I hope she gave a good reason. That doesn't sound good.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I often just cancel it and think about how much money I am saving. The therapist has never done anything as far as I can tell the times I have gone.

I'm kind of surprised at your answer as I didn't think the fact that it was the last session before a break would matter to you.

[stopdog]

What pisses me off is that they seem to think they need to tell me weeks in advance lest I be unable to bear their absence. I then just go ahead and take off the week ahead or the week after or both weeks as I do not mind breaks. It is not them being gone that I find upsetting, it is their assumption they need to prepare me in advance for such.

[justanumber]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I'm sorry she cancelled, I hope she gave a good reason. That doesn't sound good.

Thanks Brown Owl. Scheduling issues, apparently. I actually think she double booked. I guess I could have insisted that she sees me another day before the break but she offered January and I just said ok. Oh well, as Stopdog said - I get to save the money this week!

Originally Posted by stopdog

What pisses me off is that they seem to think they need to tell me weeks in advance lest I be unable to bear their absence. I then just go ahead and take off the week ahead or the week after or both weeks as I do not mind breaks. It is not them being gone that I find upsetting, it is their assumption they need to prepare me in advance for such.

My T's view of the impact of breaks annoys me too. I do miss her and I don't want to be left mulling over things that I'm unable to discuss with her for a few weeks. But she thinks it is this HUGE thing.

[doyoutrustme]

I was pretty *****y since it wasn't my idea.

I think breaks are a huge deal to some people, and for others we can take the breaks in stride. I would guess a T that knows you well would probably already know which category you are in or what place you are in going into a break.

My T and I have never made much of a deal out of breaks, but I was never one to have a standing weekly appointment. Sometimes I saw him weekly; other times it might be a few weeks depending on my schedule and/or how I was doing. So perhaps going a bit longer between appointments was never particularly out of the ordinary.

In the few cases where the breaks coincided with me not doing well, he just made sure I either knew how to get hold of him or he reminded me to contact my pdoc if there were problems. I always found I did well in our breaks, probably because I knew I couldn't just easily access his help; I utilized my skills more willingly and effectively actually when he was away. Funny how that works sometimes.

[secretgalaxy]

Before our year and a half break, we just acted like it was any other session. I was the one who wanted the break, as I was feeling really awesome. I actually thought I was done with therapy forever. My T was happy I was happy, but told me that I could call anytime I wanted to. After 6 months I ended up crashing, and I didn't go back until I was worse than when I left. Finally my friends got me to go back and she welcomed me with open arms.

[Sawyerr]

I don't handle it well. Usually I don't even want to go, but I do anyway and am quiet, ignoring and i shut her out. It's like I distance myself from her as soon as she inform me about the break. It's easier for me that way.

I also feel hateful toward her and don't even want her to come back after the break.

[SabinaS]

Turn up late, ***** about how therapy isn't doing me any good for half the session, secretly harbour murderous thoughts. Try to shut down, then be nice as I leave, so he'll come back. I don't handle breaks very well.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Breaks are a huge issue for me...huge

My T tells me way in advance so I can sit with it for awhile to just get used to the idea. Plus, it gives me time to bring up any concerns or seek reassurance. The session before the break, we usually talk about coping skills and how much out of session contact I can have (i.e. if she goes camping I won't be able to have any contact). She gives me a ton of reassurance that she's coming back and reminds me to re-read all her emails and her letter she wrote, and to review all the ways I know she cares. And at the very end, instead of our usual quick hug, she gives me a longer hug.

Now when she comes back... I always wind up losing my connection with her. So we spend minimum 20mins per session for the next month working on the disconnect. It sucks.

My T is actually on a break right now. I'm halfway through it. It's so difficult for me. I miss her so much. I can't seem to get the argument we had out of my head from last session, so I fear my T being upset with me. I'm also upset with her for the argument. It leaves me wanting to push her away and cling to her. It's annoying. My fiance was also verbally abusive again two nights ago and I couldn't reach out to my T except through email. That was difficult (but I survived ). I just want my T back!

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What pisses me off is that they seem to think they need to tell me weeks in advance lest I be unable to bear their absence. I then just go ahead and take off the week ahead or the week after or both weeks as I do not mind breaks. It is not them being gone that I find upsetting, it is their assumption they need to prepare me in advance for such.

Maybe you need to tell her you don't need to know so far in advance. But, many clients DO need to know, and appreciate being told in advance.