[PaulaS]

I´m searching for a new T and I´m a bit hesitant towards older T:s when it comes to discussing sexuality. My main problem isn´t about sex but it´s inevitable that you get into the subject when you discuss relationships and what lacks in your life.

I could ask a potential T of course but I´ll never get the whole picture of how they deal with these issues until I really get into therapy and start to discuss them.

One potential T I had an evaluation session with got very easily into asking me about sexuality. No details or so but she showed she was comfortable discussing such issues. At the same time I found another potential T, a bit older, and she seemed to care about me, she said she wanted to begin therapy with me but I know nothing about her attitude towards discussing sexuality.

How did your T approach this subject? I´m now talking about a therapy where sexuality isn´t the main problem and when the therapy per se isn´t mainly a sex therapy.

Did you have to bring the issue up yourself? Did you notice any differences between a younger and older T when it comes to discussing sex?

My T is 58 and I am 29. He never brought up sexuality himself but he was open to talking about it and I feel sure I could say anything about sexuality without fazing him.
I think most Ts would be open minded about sexuality.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is my age (early 30's). The first time sex was brought up it was kinda on accident. She said "Ah, I wondered when this was going to come up" . She said that some clients are okay with talking about sex, some struggle, some don't want to talk about it at all. But she will never force the topic. I asked her another session if she was okay with the "words" because I was having difficulty saying the "words". I regret asking that because she wound up spouting out a bunch of the "words", and it's now ingrained in my memory

Previous T was a lot older than me: she LOVED talking about sex. She wasn't helpful at all. I tried opening up a little about my sex life...it actually damaged my sex life for several years

My last good ex-T was also okay with talking about sex. She's about 10-15 yrs older than me? We didn't talk much about it though because I couldn't, but she actually did help me with a sexual issue I was having.

And I was actually taught about sex by my jr. high counselor. She's like 40 years older than me? She was extremely comfortable about all the topics including gay, bi, transgender, etc.

So I don't think age has anything to do with it.

I'm 51 and my T is I guess around 10 years older than me. We discuss matters of sex pretty much like anything else we discuss. Honestly, I don't think age of the therapist has much to do with it. We "older" people deal with issues of sexuality too.

[NowhereUSA]

My T is about a decade older than me. Sex isn't an issue although I've occasionally brought stuff up and he seems okay with it. :: shrugs :: I've also made more than my fair share of dirty jokes too LOLOLOL

She's fine talking about anything.

My t is fine talking about absolutely anything. I was the one uncomfortable the first time we got on the subject. She is in her early 60's (I think, I've never asked and she's never told me) and I am 52. So far there is nothing that I can't talk about in 3+ years.

[JustShakey]

My (male) T seems somewhat in awe of female sexuality, (while being insanely comfortable with the topic). It feels a little odd at times. Maybe that's the whole point. I'm not used to being appreciated in that way...

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[junkDNA]

im 27 and female my T is 37 and male.

we only started talking abt sex recently and ive seen him for 4 yrs now. it was ok but then we got into an area i try to not think about EVER and i dissociated a lot. we stopped talking about it and he helped bring me back. he is very open to talking abt sexual things and also a lot of my trauma is sexual. anyway he told me it is up to me if/when i want to talk about it. he would never force to talk about anything i didnt want to

[roimata]

Anytime we have discussed anything remotely sexual she has been comfortable talking about it. She doesn't touch that subject area unless I bring it up first. I prefer not to man-handle that particular cactus.

[stopdog]

The two I see are both around 70 years old. They seemed fine talking about sex anytime it it has has come up or they have brought it up. Sex isn't a big issue for me so it doesn't come up a lot

[JaneTennison1]

I have only mentioned sex once or twice and thought she seemed uncomfortable. Recently I talked about it again and realized she was totally at ease and actually I wasn't. She's 20 years older than I am, but being older doesn't mean anything.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I apologize if I'm confusing you with someone else. Even if I am, I think this still applies.

There are so many threads on here that try to label a good T and a bad T. So many people think age, education, experience, gender, etc, can sum up a good T. I'm not saying that people shouldn't have their preferences. I have my own. But I truly believe the most important aspect of therapy is the therapeutic relationship. Second would be modality.

But any time you make a generalized assumption about any group of people, you will often find no truth to those assumptions. I think the reason so many people try to quantify a good T is simply fear. But there is no set formula of traits that determine if a T is goid or not. Just as us here are all different, so are Ts.

I'm glad you bought this up, I find it helpful seeing how T's seem so relaxed about talking about it. I'd find it quite difficult and feel like it was too - I don't know - personal to bring up, but there are things I'd like to talk about...we've never talked about it.

[puzzclar]

I am female and t is male. Sometimes its awkward and harder to approach the topic. Its a big issue for me, his views are different than mine. But I respect his judgment on what he and I can handle together. T are smart and know what they feel comfortable talking about, if they are uncomfortable, then find another. At least that's my view.

[WrkNPrgress]

My T doesn't bring up topics. I always lead the discussion. I haven't gotten into sex yet. I feel like it's something I should discuss but I haven't had cause to yet.

I have no idea how she would react.

[Lauliza]

In my experience the topic of sex is brought up casually with my female T- she just asked me if I was active or not and if there's something I want to talk about I take it further. Most of the time I initiate the subject with her. It's not the main focus of why I've sought treatment but comes up since I'm married...

[ThisWayOut]

The only time I have a more difficult time talking about it is with a male t.is generally a tough topic for me because of history though, so... it's easiest talking to the csa counselor about it because it's so closely related to the csa, but other than that, I don't find age to be an issue. My 60+year old t talked about it without flinching, same with my yonder t's...

[callisto711]

It's fine. Compared to some of my other issues, sex is not a big deal. I sometimes make jokes that I'd rather talk about my sex toys than my other problems.

[rainbow8]

I've had 5 Ts and they've all been comfortable talking about sex. It's been hard for me, but everything is easier with this T. She brought up the subject before I did, and it sounded like she was talking about the weather. I didn't know what hit me! Gradually I got used to her talking about it, and I bring up sex on my own now! My T is around 50 and I'm older.