[haier]

I'm feeling really angry at my t. I don't want to tell her because I feel stupid. I'm mad at her because she keeps canceling sessions and when i came back I specifically told her I needed the extra support! I'm taking lexapro and last session I explained that I had to have it increased because my anxiety was escalating and then she went on to let me know that due to the holidays the scheduled had changed. Then she asked if I needed a sooner appt but by then I'm just mad and said no. I'm so mad though I feel like she doesn't care. I already tried looking for another T. I tried to switch to another therapist within the practice and she insisted I stay with her and I'm just like for what? For this, she should've let me go. Now i got this problema with my husband contacting me and I don't even want to tell her. I feel so crazy!!! What's wrong with me!!!

[Teepee]

Hey Haier,

Wow I can feel your anger leaping out of my screen, that must really suck to be in such a position. Just for the mean time is there a hotline you can call just to have a rant and clear your head a little more? Can you go to a GP and have your meds reviewed or does she have to do it? If you feel you can could you push harder to be referred on to someone else?

I hope things calm down for you and you get the support you deserve.

[Petra5ed]

Haier - I think being irritated at your T for being inconsistent, when she is inconsistent, makes sense. But, I think the feeling gets magnified when it doesn't go anywhere. For example, you say she asked if you wanted a sooner session but you were so frustrated you said no. For you her behavior is feeding your anxiety symptoms and therapy isn't therapeutic. And you said you haven't told her how you feel because you would feel stupid. I think the real challenge is, you need to tell her how you feel. Really you are probably angry you aren't being seen or heard, which is the whole purpose of therapy, but on the other hand you're not voicing your feelings and your therapist (who should to some extent expect you to be frustrated with inconsistent scheduling and cancellations) isn't a mind reader unfortunately.

This could be good practice for modeling standing up for yourself. It doesn't even have to be a big confrontation, but if you just say to her 'hey you're doing X and that is hurting me, I've been frustrated and angry and unable to voice that feeling' then you will probably at least get some relief!

I don't know the backstory, but her offer to see you sooner sounds pretty accommodating. I can understand being angry at the situation, but why be angry at her? I guess I'm not seeing what she did wrong here. Except for the holiday schedule, has she been consistent otherwise?

[baseline]

I was angry at my T. We were talking about something and he asked if i had a picture. While I was trying to find it he abruptly said when did i want to come back. My time was up!!! I felt so worthless that he couldn't spare a second to look at the photo. i was hurt and angry. Even the person I pay to care didn't!!!!
I brought it up the next time I saw him. He said my anger was transference. ******** He was down right rude he asked to see the photo and then blew me off 5 seconds later!!! Then again maybe it just reminded me of how insignificant I am. How worthless and unlovable. It's how I have been treated most of my life especially by my mother. Maybe his rudeness triggered my self hate too! So, I feel your anger at your T! He did apologize and asked to see the picture, which i said No because the moment was gone. Just when I trusted him he let me down. It took me awhile to trust him again! I hope things work out with your therapist!