How do people cope with holiday from T?

Ok. Some of this is venting, and some of this is checking to see if it's 'normal' to feel this way.
My T was away over the holidays and the way I've felt about this has kind of swung about. From being totally not bothered to longing for even just the physical contact (even if he just ignored me).
We've had breaks before, but usually only one week here and there. This one has been 3! What's worse is that just before our last session something horrible happened to me and we barely scratched the surface. I was left with a (metaphorical) open wound. The last few weeks are when I could really have done with the support. It's been so hard.
It's now 3 and a half days until I go back and I'm torn between part of me that wants to run in and hug T, and part that's saying "no, he left you when you needed him most". I know both these feelings are irrational, but as Thursday gets closer they are both pulling stronger. That on top of what happened and how crappy I've been feeling is ... is keeping me deep inside my dark place.
How do unavoidable breaks from T make other people feel?
Does it swich or stay constant?
Does it change when you go back?

I don't have a T. I've seen several over the years. But I never found one I thought was worth staying with. So, perhaps I'm not the person to answer this. However, it seems to me, what you wrote in your Thread is exactly what you need to talk with your T about during your next session. Tell your T about your mixed feelings. Also you may want to discuss the depth of your apparent dependency on your T. I'm no expert with regard to therapy. But it seems to me, to be so dependent on a therapist may not be for the best. Perhaps I just don't understand how this all works...

It's by no means a great feeling, but I think it's relatively "normal" (as far as anything can be). I go through periods of really struggling during a break, to periods of being fine with it. I think it has a lot to do with outside circumstances (if I am not feeling so vulnerable, if I have enough non-therapy supports, the breaks don't feel bad. If I am struggling with something or have no one outside fo therapy to look to for support, then the breaks feel unbearable).
It's definitely somethign to talk to your T about so that maybe you can get some more supports in place. It also makes complete sense for you to feel liek that since you said something big happened right before the break...

Awww, I'm sorry... three weeks seems like a long time for a break, to me, and it's even worse if you're in the middle of processing difficult things. I'm sorry, and I hope things go well for you at your next session! At least it's not that much longer to wait...

As for me, I have a lot of trouble connecting with Ts. With my current T, I went through a brief period of being sort of happy to be going, but that didn't last long, and I'm sort of dreading session lately (for no good reason, afaik). So right this second, I think I'd be relieved if he took a 3 week vacation ha! Of course, I apparently have the only T on the planet that didn't take a break for the holidays.... *of course*!

(OK, I'm sure I'd miss T a little if he were gone for that long. Maybe... )

Good luck with your next session, and definitely talk about your feelings regarding the break!

I think people have all sorts of reaction/non-reaction to therapist time away. The first one I see left for three weeks and I needed a longer break and cancelled for three or four more weeks and at the appointment after the break the woman asked if I had missed her - I had not, but she seemed to expect I had. I think therapists are not surprised if clients have the sorts of responses you report.

I get three weeks over Christmas, too, and much longer summer breaks. It is not strange or bad to get the feelings you describe. Not everybody feels like that but many people do. I find it very difficult to get through the breaks and they definitely trigger a sense of abandonment. Before the ten-week break last summer I started dreaming about my dad, who died very suddenly a few years ago, and I don't think those dreams were coincidental.

Again, it is not a bad sign that you have these feelings. It sounds like therapy is meaningful for you, and that's not a bad thing. The first session(s) after a break, even a short break, can be a little weird and it can take a little while to get the connection back. That, too, is common. And it can be a very good thing to discuss with your therapist.

I'm glad to hear that this isn't too strange a way to feel.

Just to clarify Skeezyks I have never missed T before, and can almost guarantee that had I had an uneventful break, would be totally fine with it. To be honest, in that instance I would probably have quite enjoyed the break.

I do have friends and family i can usually talk to, but the issue is one of those that's still a sort of social ("we don't discuss such things") taboo. Most people don't know how to react or what to say so just ignore you, or they ask the (stupid) question "are you ok?". This in it's self is a trick. The expected answer is "yeah", saying no usually results in the akward ignoring as mentioned earlier.
Another thng I thought about when reading the responses is that due to the nature of the incident, the dark place is partially manifesting it's self as mourning, and I think my feelings regarding the break are being kind of 'woven' into that.

I think first couple of sessions back we should deal with the main problem so it's not being dragged out any longer than necessary. We are due a relationship reflection soon so that would be a good time to bring this up I think.

Considering what happened in your last session, I'd say what you're feeling about your therapist's absence is pretty normal. If you look at from the angle of your therapist being the person who is the warm (empathetic) and steady (calm) person in your life, the one who is the reliable witness to your story, and just when you reach a level of trust that allows you to open up about a traumatic event in your life and then that person isn't there for a period of time, I'd say your reaction is pretty darn normal! It's a good idea to remember that when children and often adults undergo a traumatic event, they are often alone and isolated (physically and/or emotionally). It is when we have an empathetic witness to be there with us to process that traumatic event that we experience relief (catharsis). When you felt alone and without your therapist to continue the processing journey you felt Connection Distress. It's that wanting that connection and rejecting that connection that distresses us and causes confusion. This is especially painful for people who learned that talking about their emotions were taboo in their family. If you've always struggled to contain your emotions without support (and were shamed when it was a struggle to do so) and suddenly the wonderful support that has stood beside you with a calm and soothing presence (your therapist) goes off on vacation, it can pretty uncomfortable. Dependency of this type is not a bad thing. It's expected and welcomed because it can lead to real healing.

It's great that you have recognized this wild swinging between two needs. The next critical step toward healing is to talk about these feelings openly and honestly with your therapist--not an easy thing to do but a critical one! If your therapist is well trained and sensitive, empathetic and unflappable, he'll get what you're telling him and he'll help you wade through the emotions effectively. I know the thought of discussing this openly is hard, but it is the only way through!

*UPDATE*

So I've now had 2 sessions with T and it just feels good to be back on the journey. We are still dealing with the pre-break issue, but this in itself is raising a few pointers regarding the working relationship (which is good, just a little unusual). So the dialogue is very much open and frequently checked in on.

I wouldn't go as far as saying "all is well" (otherwise I wouldn't have a T), but "all" feels like it's being given the appropriate attention, and that feels good.

Thanks guys x