[Seeking_Peace]

I know some of you go through clinics/organizations where a T is assigned. But for those of you who had control over who you picked....how did you know your T was the "right person" to help you? Was there anything T did or say during the first few sessions that led you to believe this? Did you immediately feel a rapport with the T or did it take weeks/months to slowly build it?

[catonyx]

With my first I felt understood and comfortable right away. It just took a while to really open up, but I knew it was possible based on the impression I had. I was correct.

I am in the process of starting with a new T. I am hoping to have the same sort of start.

[stopdog]

I interviewed about 30 of them and kept going back to see the two I found least objectionable.

[TheWell]

It took a few weeks to make the connection but once I did I knew I was in the right place. I saw two other therapists in my past. One for a year who I never connected with and one for 6 or 7 sessions who I also never connected with.

If I didn't feel a connection after two months I would tell the therapist and move on.

[guilloche]

I don't know for sure. For me, it's an ongoing struggle, because I find the entire process of "therapy" so hideously painful and awful! Lots of people seem to like therapy, but I think there's something about my family background that makes "being seen" really horrifying - so it's an ongoing struggle for me.

That said, I have hope with my current therapist. Here are the things that are working in his favor:

1. At the first session, I sensed that he has a strong presence. I don't know how else to say it, it's a weird thing, and it's very different from my other therapists. In one sense, it feels like he won't let me get away with stuff (which maybe sounds scary, but is good), but it also means (I hope!) that he won't get pulled in by my stuff, I won't be able to drive him off with my craziness. This is important to me because I've had one therapist decide I was too much for him and kicked me out after promising not to (he also thought I hated him, I didn't, but I felt awful for creating that impression!) and another therapist that cried because she felt she couldn't really help me (she was actually a kind and wonderful person, and I know she wanted to help, but I just didn't know how to let her... )

I also think it's a sense of stability that will be helpful for me to "attach" to, if I get to that point, because I don't feel like that at all.

2. My therapist can listen to my criticisms and complaints, and not get defensive. This is huge for me, and helps me feel safe. Other therapists (the one who kicked me out) made me feel like I was always wrong, no matter what I did. This one listens and considers what I have to say, and actually will change things if he can to make it easier for me. That amazes me. He actually seems to *want* to hear if something he does upsets me. I am floored, and still sometimes nervous, but it helps.

3. This therapist has been really helpful when I get spacey/dissociated, and doesn't leave me hanging out in space. At times like this, if therapists keep pushing on whatever we're talking about, or get too quiet, I just get further and further away It feels awful. This guy, despite *not* being a trauma-specialist or an expert with dissociative stuff, does a great job of throwing me a lifeline, or changing the topic and getting back to questions that actually help me get present and re-stabilize. I haven't experienced this with any other T before, so I'm so grateful and happy about this.

4. He's not a blank slate, he answers questions about himself (but does a good job of keeping it short and keeping the session about me), and he's very real/human. He rarely sounds like he's reading from a psych book (like old T used to). He doesn't know all the answers, but I'm grateful that it feels like I'm talking to an actual living, breathing human, and not a robotic T who has memorized passages from the DSM

It's not perfect. Therapy is really hard for me, and we're still working on establishing safety and getting a good alliance going. But, maybe, it's OK. You know what I mean? I don't know for sure if he can help yet, but so far, I'm willing to go in and keep trying.

Feeling a little crazy because I just got back from my session, and talked a bit more about some of my dissociative stuff, which I hadn't gotten into with him. It's scary, I feel very exposed... like my hiding place has been discovered... but he didn't freak out or anything, and did a good job of following along. So, phew!

I hope this helps. I didn't know at the first session, but something kept telling me to go back... even though I really wanted to quit after every other session!

Good luck!!!

For the three I stayed to work with long-term, I knew pretty quickly we were a good match. There was a sense of them "getting" me almost right away. The ones that I ended up not staying with weren't for the most part horrible or anything; it was just a sense that after several sessions, it wasn't clicking. I don't know how to clarify that. I always gave the therapists I tried several sessions because first sessions aren't very indicative of what regular sessions work like (not in my experience anyway).

The 2nd t i saw years ago, I gave it like 6 months or so but never felt connected to her at all, I didn't 'know' about connecting then, of course, but it was more a sense that something was just missing and I couldn't ever talk to her even after 6 months. she'd ask me questions and i'd give yes/no answers but never could really elaborate on anything. with current t I felt we "clicked" from the very first phone call, and I was able to open up to her pretty quickly. It was with current t I realized what was missing from t2... connection.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

I was assigned a T but was told from day 1 if its not working then I can ask to change. Before my first session i had kind of decided therapy wasn't for me, and for the first half of the session I was mentally drafting the letter saying I wasn't coming back. Then T made a wise crack that kind of got mentally flagged for being slightly inappropriate. This appealed to my dark side and peaked my interest. That's what made me go back, and now a year and a bit later I am very glad I was allocated my T.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I honestly don't remember much about my first few sessions. I just remember thinking that my therapist and I clicked. I felt comfortable with her, I didn't feel judged, and I just kinda felt like she got me. I don't thinknow it was any one thing that she did, just an overall feeling that I got from her. She seemed very knowledgeable about the issues I was seeing her for and I felt like I didn't have to constantly explain things to her.

[nottrustin]

My PCP at the time recommended her to me. I was very apprehensive about seeing and talking to somebody else about my past. PCP knew some of my history and what I was going through and my lack of trust. It took a while for me to agree to see somebody. She was suppose to refer me to somebody within the system she and I both work. She knew there was no way I would see somebody within the system. So she went against policy and referred me to somebody she had worked in the past. She spoke to T and explained the situation and T agreed to take me on. PCP told me T is the only person she trusted with me. Since I really respected PCP I decided to go with an open mind. At our first appointment she made me feel pretty relaxed...it took me a while to completely trust but definitely saw potential.

[justdesserts]

I felt comfortable with him from the beginning, but as I spent more time with him and I asked for what I wanted (that he remember my kids names) or told him that I had a problem with something, he didn't get defensive or angry. I've went through a really dark time this summer and he was amazing, but still imperfect. I like working with someone who I know will be there for me and is humble and open to talking to me, but is still imperfect.

Originally Posted by justdesserts

I felt comfortable with him from the beginning, but as I spent more time with him and I asked for what I wanted (that he remember my kids names) or told him that I had a problem with something, he didn't get defensive or angry. I've went through a really dark time this summer and he was amazing, but still imperfect. I like working with someone who I know will be there for me and is humble and open to talking to me, but is still imperfect.

This made me smile, my T can't remember my kids either. I don't know why it is hard for her to get.

I don't know if I have found the right T.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My instincts about people are usually accurate. I don't know why that is? Maybe because instead of socializing, I hid and watched people from afar? Maybe my fear of people allows me to pick up on something? No clue.

I knew my T was the right T as soon as I saw her picture. When I met her, she was exactly the way I imagined she would be. Of course, that didn't mean I trusted her. Trust takes time. As time went by, my connection to her only increased. And working through "our" first crisis, only made our relationship stronger.

But that only means that we have a good relationship. What makes her a good T is that I have improved. I regressed many times, and I still will. But I still am able to move forward. And it's not necessarily the "big" steps that make the difference, but all the baby steps. They really add up. But no matter what, my T has stuck by my side.

That's how I know she's the right T for me.

[pbutton]

I have a wonderful T. Here's how I felt the day I met him. http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...w-t-today.html. I think the part that was really key was that he was easy to talk to. That has even improved with time and his knowledge of me.

I've had several that were not good fits, but I didn't know what a good fit felt like so I stupidly hung in there to my own detriment. With the one I'm seeing now, it was an instantaneous connection and comfortability. What typically took me upwards of a year or more to start talking about with previous therapists, took only a few weeks with this one. She has a lot of the qualities that I now realize I respond to: intelligence, humor, flexibility (not wedded to doing things one particular way), experience and skill. And, she does not put on an act, or therapist persona. Very real.

We just "connected." I could feel it and so could she, and then she said a couple of things that just absolutely, totally hit me so hard and she was so insightful that i was amazed.

[msxyz]

He didn't irritate me during our first session. I'm easily irritated by people.

[lone_77]

We emailed before the first session so all we had to go off of was each other's names. When I walked in the first time, I said "Wait, I thought you would look completely different!" and her response was "I thought the same about you!" It was sort of like the ice was broken from there, and it was nice to know we could be honest with each other. Although I did have to go through a few T's before I found her.

[LindaLu]

Like Brown Owl I'm unsure I've even got the right T. Our first couple months together were miserable. She never noticed I have a sense of humor. I suspect that in real life she has a sour personality. But she's now seeing who I am, that I might look mean/aggressive but would never actually hurt anyone. Now she's committed to me despite our differences. Maybe that commitment makes her the right T. Who knows.

[clairelisbeth]

I was assigned my T while in an outpatient program for EDs and we connected immediately. She was warm, kind and genuine. She also asked me some damn hard questions that really made me think. As my time in the outpatient program came to a close, I realized that not only did I trust her more than I did my individual T, but I had done better work with her (and liked her better too). I also couldn't imagine never seeing her again. Four years later, switching to her private practice was one of the best decisions I ever could have made for myself.

I also felt an instant click with my pdoc-she asks really hard questions, doesn't beat around the bush, doesn't try to get you to like her, and is ridiculously insightful and super smart. She understands me very implicitly and I could just feel she really, genuinely cared (minus a fake, saccharine quality) right away.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I felt understood, seen and heard.

[rainbow8]

I didn't choose my first 4 Ts. This time I used the psychologytoday website and chose a couple Ts to try. I knew right away that my T was right for me because of her willingness to read a story I wrote that I brought in that first session. She had a heartfelt reaction to it.

She suggested I see someone else who had more experience in EMDR. I made the appointment but got scared of the other T. I called my T back and she said "go with your gut feeling". I did. It was the best therapeutic decision I ever made. My T is perfect for me.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I didn't choose my first 4 Ts. This time I used the psychologytoday website and chose a couple Ts to try. I knew right away that my T was right for me because of her willingness to read a story I wrote that I brought in that first session. She had a heartfelt reaction to it.

She suggested I see someone else who had more experience in EMDR. I made the appointment but got scared of the other T. I called my T back and she said "go with your gut feeling". I did. It was the best therapeutic decision I ever made. My T is perfect for me.

Yeah, I didn't exactly choose my t either. I go to a community organisation, it's free. But I reckon all the ts there are pretty awesome. Just glad I happened to meet mine

[ombrétwilight]

I had an assigned T (T#2) but she will always be my favourite one. I can't really recall what I thought about her in our first session but she wasn't like the previous one, who I rejected a second session with out of some unknown dread. I still can't quite place my finger on why T#2 meant so much to me (maybe it was just the overwhelming maternal transference) but she made me feel cared for at least during the session.