[SingDanceRunLife]

I had my second to last session with my T today It honestly does make me kind of sad, especially since she said she'll miss me when I'm gone.

I'm moving on, to bigger and better things lol (nursing school in NYC), but she was my first T and I've become very close with her and trust her 100% with everything. I have seen her on and off for the past seven years...yes, 7!! I first started seeing her the spring of my junior year of high school, when I was 17, and I'm now 24. Really the only time I wasn't seeing her weekly was in college, but I would go back for booster sessions during breaks. We've been through a hell of a lot together...OCD, anxiety, eating disorder, bipolar diagnosis, med changes...the works!

She is helping me find a new T, but I don't want a new T. I want her. If I could transplant her I would. I think part of it is that I've only ever had one other T (at my college's counseling center), and she was just mediocre in comparison to [I]my T[, and I feel like every T I meet will fall short of my expectations based on what I'm used to/I].

How do you deal with leaving one T [permanently] and going to another, especially when you have a long standing relationship? It's just so weird!!

[pbutton]

I had this problem when I switched T's in 2012. My T worked for the county mental health dept, his job was being changed, and he had to transition his entire caseload.

T1 was supposed to be giving me a list of recommended therapists. It wasn't a list from my actual T, it was some standard bs thing put together by the county office. It was slow to arrive, I'm actually STILL waiting for that list, but whatever.

Instead, I went through every. single. provider on my insurance list. I had made a list of what I wanted, looked up websites, and narrowed down my search. Generally, women were out, although I did try to consider them. Any woman who gave off a maternal vibe was instantly ruled out. Any man who gave me the heebie jeebies was out. Anyone who didn't specifically list panic disorder was out. I wanted someone who listed trauma as a specialty, even though I just "knew" at the time that I had no trauma. I didn't want anyone who extolled the benefits of short-term therapy. I wanted to see an available email address. I wanted to feel "at home" on the web site. I wanted to see pictures of the office. I kept coming back to one guy. The same guy. Over and over. Why this guy? I haven't the faintest idea. Still, to this very day, even. I look at his website NOW and STILL don't see what the hell jumped out at me. It was really just the overall feeling I got when I read about the dude, I guess. So I emailed him. He was going to be the first guy I tested out. One of many, I was sure. Despite the fact that I kept returning to read about this one guy, I couldn't even remember his name without looking at the web site. When I got the reminder call for my SECOND appointment, the text-to-voicemail came in and I didn't recognize the guy's name. It did finally hit me that he had the same name as my dad, which was another negative on the list, because I had pretty raging erotic transference for my previous T. I had no desire to start THAT up again with a guy with my dad's name. This new T was doomed from the get go. I already had found things to HATE.

He didn't write back that day. Or the next morning. I decided he was an ***. I started looking at the rest of my saved favorites to pick out my next option.

Then I got an email from him, saying he was INCREDIBLY sorry that he'd missed my email and he apologized for the delay. He said my issues definitely fell within his range of expertise and he thought it would be a good idea for us to meet, please call his receptionist, woman's name at 111-111-1111 to schedule.

I was slightly mollified, but not sure I wanted a guy who missed emails. (Which reminds me, I need to ask him if he remembers WTF the problem was, because he hasn't ever done that since?!)

I was pissy. I didn't want to call his receptionist; one of the"would really like" items on my T-shopping list was "online appt scheduling." I HATE HATE HATE talking on the phone.

Then, a few minutes later, the new T emailed me AGAIN, with one more comment about something I'd mentioned in my email.

Woah. He was still thinking about me? I liked the idea of that, not that I would have EVER admitted it at the time. I decided to call and schedule an appointment. I'd try him out, but he was NOT my prior T, so he'd definitely pale in comparison. But, whatever, I had to do SOMETHING because I was desperate for some forward momentum to help me believe I would survive the transition.

I called. A guy answered the phone. #$@%#$%@#$ It was NOT the receptionist with the woman's name. That caught me off guard. I nearly hung up and said the hell with this crazy unpredictable place. But I didn't. I'd been doing so much CBT with prior T that I probably leaned INTO the phone anxiety out of reflex. The mystery phone male talked about the new T in the third person, so I was relieved that at least I didn't reach the guy I was going to see. Not sure why that would have been embarrassing, but I still kind of feel that way. (huh.)

I was terrified to go to the first session. But I went. Again, my CBT served me well. I hated the new T's office. I hated the new T. I noticed he was amazingly easy to talk to and MUCH MUCH better at prompting and helping me carry on a conversation than my "real" T. So I hated the new guy for that too. Old T was an anxiety black hole. I never ONCE felt ANY anxiety from the man. EVER. This new guy seemed more like an actual person and I felt how hard he was trying to make me comfortable. It felt awesome. Yeah, hated that too. He was not the crappy T that I had expected. But he was also NOT my prior T. I scheduled another appointment with him, then violently sobbed all the way home because I realized that this new guy could very well turn out to be my new T, and that I was one step closer to being ready to terminate with T1.

I hated him for the things that were different. I hated the new T for the things that were the same. I talked about T1 for months and months. I probably still do, but I am not invested in it in the same way now.

Fast forward to today: I now ADORE my second T, and wouldn't leave him even if T1 opened up a brand new practice and offered me free sessions. My current T is AMAZING and SUCH a good T. I am actually thankful that I was pushed into making this change. I have made a lot of progress, which is due to a lot of work on my part, but I have to admit that some of the credit goes to the relationship I have with such a skilled and competent T. Back in 2012 I probably would have punched anyone who even tried to suggest that maybe I would someday be able to look at the forced change as an opportunity for growth.

The only thing that helped was time. And T being there, acknowledging my painful loss of prior T, and being ready at whatever level I needed him to be.

Wow, this ended up a LOT longer than I'd intended. Yikes!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I really appreciate it.

[pbutton]

I am sorry that you haven't gotten more responses yet. I think this topic is a hard one for people to open and read about.

[rainboots87]

It's difficult. I left the state for grad school and had to stop seeing my T, plus she was 8 months pregnant when I moved so I couldn't even reach out to her after the first week or so. I tried a new T, who ended up being okay.

Off and on, over the next few years, I tried various Ts for a few sessions here and there and just gave up. Figured if I was still doing everything I needed to do, apparently my depression wasn't that bad. Eventually, I had to acknowledge that I was super depressed and anxious and at-risk of falling back into my eating disorder, so I called up my dietitian I briefly saw after moving to the new state. She eventually encouraged me to go a group that was part with the dietitian and part with a T. I loved the first group with her, and by the end of the second, I asked her about individual sessions.

After being so attached to my college T, I finally found a great new T who I became even more attached to and helped me grow tremendously. She's still the best of the probably 10 or so Ts I've seen over the years. It wasn't a quick switch- like I said, it took me a couple years to find a good fit, but it's possible to find a T who works for you even if you already think you have an awesome T. They won't be exactly the same, but that's the beauty of it. Good luck and I know how hard it is