[Nobodyatall823]

I’ve been to a few different therapists and I’ve gained understanding from each but I feel like I’m still having a tough time dealing with my mild depression and perfectionistic tendencies and I’m not sure what or who I need to best improve my life.

I've had bouts of depression recently after a somewhat traumatic and difficult experience in school. I've felt like my power has been stripped from me and I've been feeling less confident than before. It isn’t consistently extreme or overwhelming, but it comes out strongly in spurts and I find it difficult to predict when and why it will occur. I’ve taken a year off from school to recover and ready myself but I fear what will happen as next fall approaches and I have to return to school. In general I feel a sense of nothingness, as I have few friends, have few hobbies that I enjoy, and all of my ambitions, abilities, and life plans have come into question. I’m not sure what will keep me going when school tests my strength again.

For this year my main goal is build myself up and empower myself again. Through therapy I’ve gained a certain sense of awareness and I’ve come to realize what events in my past have caused my current issues. I had some medical issues growing up, which isolated me and probably gave me a need to compensate and prove myself to both others and myself. I did this through school, but as time went on and classes got tougher, I found it harder to find the empowerment I needed.

I want to find this empowerment within myself somehow but I’m not sure what steps to take to find it. I found traditional psychotherapy left me with a new sense of clarity, which has helped me tremendously but after a good few months already it still has yet to give me all of the strength I needed. I’ve also tried CBT though only once or twice. I admit I looked at it cynically but the de-emphasis on my past and its smaller scale look at things made it seem too trite and temporary to provide long-lasting improvement. Is there some combination of the two that would give me both progress and depth? Or should I search for other methods entirely? Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance to everyone who responds. I’m just confused about what I'm looking for.

[Ididitmyway]

It seems that you'd benefit more from seeing a psychodynamically oriented therapist, but, frankly, the therapist's overall personal style of how he or she relates to you would be the most important factor. If you find someone you initially feel comfortable and safe with and if you get a sense that they "get" you, explain to them what you are looking for and what your goals are, and, hopefully, the working collaboration will be established for you to do some good work.