[emptyspace]

.
i feel like just a job or a paycheck to my T. i dont think T cares at all about me. T has never said shes cares and she doesnt do anything that makes me feel like she cares.
i could kill myself and i dont think she would care. i feel just like a steady paycheck (she doesnt take insurance) and wonder why i continue to go and put myself into debt.

i dont even know what i should be getting from therapy at this point.
my life has not improved over the time i have been in therapy.
what should i be getting?
do you feel like just a job? why not?

[RTerroni]

I know how you feel, I feel the exact same way right now with my Therapist.

[ThingWithFeathers]

It is a job. But I know that my t is still passionate about it. She has a deep interest in what she does and cares about her clients' welfare. So, I do feel like she cares - about her clients and her job.

No, I don't feel like just a job. She's indicated that our sessions benefit her in a meaningful way, but she didn't go into how or why because my therapy is all about me Me ME.

I don't feel like "just a job" to my t. I never have. I mean, I know that I am paying her for a service and that she and I are not and never can be friends, but at the same time, I don't feel like "just a job". I feel like she cares w/in the boundaries of the relationship. I believe that the connection that we share is very real, it's just different than the kind I have with friends or family. I still fight like hell at times with feeling so attached to her - but she tells me it's all a part of the process, and I trust her, so I trust the process too (even though sometimes I feel like telling "the process" to take a flying leap!) One time she told me that I have had a profound effect on her. She wouldn't elaborate on how - like licketysplit said the therapy is about me not her.

My therapist's career is working with clients like myself: investing time, thought, skills, and yes, caring in clients like myself and I've seen much evidence that he considers much more than just a job. It's not like he's just slinging hamburgers or stocking shelves. Those are jobs. His is a career, a professional that he chose as a focus in his life.

If you are not seeing improvement in your life, have you asked your therapist about that? Perhaps your therapist is able to see change that you can't and can help you recognize it. Or, perhaps you need to have a conversation around setting some goals that you could see as measurable?

[stopdog]

I doubt the woman cares about me specifically. She might care about doing her job well, but since they are so cryptic and opaque about what it is they actually do, I don't see it as having any real bearing on me. I consider her just a person hired to sit there. I see no reason why caring would make it different for why I see one.

[SnakeCharmer]

I never felt like I was "just a job" to my Ts. But if I was "just a job" it would have been okay with me, as long as they gave me their professional best.

If my T cared for me professionally and helped me through and then didn't remember me a year later, that would be fine with me. God, I think I'd even prefer to be forgotten, my weaknesses and turmoil and emotional density at times. It really would be fine with me if I was just a job as long as the T was doing their job well.

emptyspace, I'm sorry you're not feeling good about the way your therapy is going and don't know what you're supposed to be getting (or how long it might take to feel progress.) It might be a good idea to bring your feelings and thoughts up with your T.

[boredporcupine]

With a few rare exceptions, it's not true that clients are "just a job" to T's. Contrary to popular belief, being a T doesn't pay very well compared to other careers you can get with the same level of education. Almost nobody goes into it for the money. They get into it because they genuinely care about helping people.

I was there once when a friend of mine who is a T found out one of her clients had been killed. She was so shocked and grief-stricken she wound up sitting on the sidewalk sobbing.

I think "I am just a job" is often something clients think when they've had a lot of times of feeling not cared about in their lives, and it would be scary and painful to start to really believe their T cared. I used to think that myself, actually, about my T, and it wasn't even vaguely true. And of course the nature of the relationship can be really hard to figure out and that doesn't make it any easier...

[justdesserts]

My therapist gets very defensive if you call the work he does a "transaction" or just a job for money. He's told me that you couldn't pay him enough to make him care about some of the people he sees, and that if he didn't have bills to pay, he'd do his job for free. I believe that he genuinely cares about me and is invested in my success.

[Petra5ed]

I think I'm just part of his job, but the job happens to entail caring about people. I used to think I was special or loved even, but then one day I realized he's talking to 30 people a week just like me, and then he goes home to his real family. I doubt our relationship is that special to him. Clearly I am first and foremost a job, our whole interaction is orchestrated around his professional rules. We don't have contact that's not paid for. I could sob for an hour long session and go home and not hear from him again. And, I'm sure he'd have to put me out of his mind, how else could a therapist survive hearing 30 sob stories a week! So, I think I'm just a job. I bet it's impossible not to care to some degree, but I also bet it's impossible for them to care too much without breaking boundaries.

[boredporcupine]

Everyone on this board hears at least 30 "sob stories" a week from others on the board, and then afterwards goes offline to do things with their "real family." Should we therefore assume there is no genuine care happening on here?

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T's job is to listen and provide therapy to help people. I am one of thos people. My T has even told me that I sometimes don't allow her to do her "job". But that is what she went to school for: to be able to practice therapy. She paid money, spent hours studying, hours interning, hours in her own therapy, etc. So I pay her (well my insurance does), for her skills and knowledge (and to listen ).

But I don't see myself as just her "job". I know my T cares. For one, she told me. Two, she puts up with me (for some reason...and it's not the money) and is still here. And then there's all the things she does that technically she doesn't have to do: emails, phone calls, talking to my Pdoc, talking to county, fighting insurance for more sessions, being my individual therapist during DBT. And that's just outside of session. Inside session she doesn't have to give me a hug, sit next to me, touch me, accept my gifts, let me bring my puppy, be humorous, etc.

I know not all Ts do these things. Some do more. But for me, I do know that my T cares about me and that I'm not just a job.

Now, my Pdoc... that is currently in question.

[growlycat]

I have had T's in the past that made me feel like I was just their jobs.

Turns out they were not a good fit for me. I've learned that I need a warmer, fuzzier, more emotive T that than those "cold fish" T's. Finding the right match makes all the difference. I hope you explore that possibility or tell your current T that you don't feel cared for.

[Favorite Jeans]

How much do you like and care about your job?

Do you care about the people (or issues or materials or art) that you engage with at work (or school)? Have you ever had a job or a class that you really cared about? IME the pay (or credit) I get when I'm really engaged in what I'm doing is not foremost on my mind at work even though I really need the money. So my job is a job but it's also a big part of my life's work and I care deeply about it. I hope my T feels similarly about her job.

It is important to me that I know that my T cares about me. Sometimes I feel quite petulant and angry about the fact that I don't take up nearly the kind of space in her life as she does in mine. If I did though we'd be having a different kind of relationship and it wouldn't be therapy.

If you feel like your T doesn't care about you (and you wish she did) maybe address it with her. If you don't feel better or somewhat reassured, maybe she's not a great match for you.

T says i am not just her job. She says i am a part of her life and she is part of my life. She has gone way above and beyond for me so many times. We sort of feel like family. T says she totally understands why i say that.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

How much do you like and care about your job?

Do you care about the people (or issues or materials or art) that you engage with at work (or school)? Have you ever had a job or a class that you really cared about? IME the pay (or credit) I get when I'm really engaged in what I'm doing is not foremost on my mind at work even though I really need the money. So my job is a job but it's also a big part of my life's work and I care deeply about it. I hope my T feels similarly about her job.

This. Maybe because I'm a teacher, I never have issues with doubting my T and my pdoc care, that I'm not just a "job" to them.

Yes, we get a paycheck, but we choose these kinds of professions as a focus in our lives. We invest much more than money in the time and education and training and planning involved in our professions.

I have 90 teenagers that walk through my room every day, and while it is my "job" to teach them, I am invested in their success. I worry about them, not just academically, but personally. I don't get amnesia when they walk out the door; I think about them and hope for them and care for them even when they are not right in front of me. The fact that I leave the school building and go home to a loving family doesn't negate their importance in my life.

Yes, they come and go. Once I've stopped working with them regularly, day to day, they aren't on my mind as much. Some of them I completely forget; after all, I've taught thousands of students, but many I vividly remember even 29 years after they were with me each and every day.

I suspect it is much the same with therapists and other people in other people-oriented professions.

[stopdog]

OP - what is the difference for you if the therapist cares or not? How is it a bad thing if you are just the job if the therapist does the job well?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

Everyone on this board hears at least 30 "sob stories" a week from others on the board, and then afterwards goes offline to do things with their "real family." Should we therefore assume there is no genuine care happening on here?

Not everyone has people offline.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

Everyone on this board hears at least 30 "sob stories" a week from others on the board, and then afterwards goes offline to do things with their "real family." Should we therefore assume there is no genuine care happening on here?

I think my therapist cares, I suppose it's the degree of caring I was thinking about, and I think he cares only proportionate to his job and the other 30 clients he has. I've cared deeply for many people in my life, most of whom haven't cared that deeply for me, including the two people that should have cared the most, so maybe I am sensitive about the issue. But, does he care? Sure he does. Would he be there to bail me out if I'm arrested? No. Would he visit me in the hospital if I am injured? Not sure, likely no. Will he come to my major life events, weddings, baby showers? No. Does he think to wish me a happy birthday? No. Does he think of me often outside of our sessions? Probably not. If I stopped seeing him as a therapist would he talk to me at all? Likely no. Does that mean he doesn't care? No not really, just that he's doing a job with stifling boundaries such that we will never have a real relationship.

[WrkNPrgress]

I don't feel any therapist who is good at their job can fake that level of caring. If the client feels a connection, there's a reason. It is a most basic human thing that everyone needs to connect with on some level to some degree. It's such a human centric job— I can't see too many people faking it very well.

I feel like this question often comes up because we feel insecure about the balance of time. A therapist occupies a huge portion of the client's mental life, while the client is just one of many for the therapist. This is true.

Does that meant they're less valuable, or just a punch card? No! Anymore than a student is just a block of time for a teacher who might have a hundred other students. Their time matters as an individual. Each person is a process.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is also a teacher. She says she cares about her students too. But there are different levels of care. She doesn't get to know her students like she gets to know her clients. And she only sees her clients 1 hour a week. Whereas her family and friends, she sees much more often. But she cares for them all.

Might sound stupid... I care for other professionals in my life, but to a different degree. My fiance and I usually have Friday date night at the same restaurant and we always make sure we get the same waitress. She does a great job serving us, and we also enjoy talking with her about our life and hers. We even gave her a Christmas present. Same thing goes for the owner of our favorite restaurant and for our hair stylist. We actually care about these people. But it's different.

And I do care about the people on this board. I technically have family (no friends), but it's not like I post her and go enjoy my wonderful life. My family doesn't really provide me with emotional support. Yet, here, a group of random strangers (basically) does provide me with emotional support that helps me survive each week. And they do care. Why? Because they don't have to respond. They don't have to remember the things I experience. They do it because they care.

Maybe it's more about everyone's personal definition of care. Just like love, there are many ways to care.

[JustShakey]

I'm actually okay with being my T's job, because of how I feel about my own work. Although I'm not working at the moment, and haven't been properly in my own field for a while, it is a huge part of my identity. You don't spend 7-10 plus years in school to have 'just a job'.

[healed84]

I think, much like everybody else has said.. We can be their job and they can truly care for us. Maybe it is easier for me to understand because I am a teacher. These kids are my job, but that doesn't me that there isn't a general caring for them. An emotional attachment in many cases. If something bad or happy happens to one of my kids I do feel their sadness or happiness.. But I am think i am also able to detach from that too. I think T's do the same things.

I know t cares for me and he is genuine when he says he would be devastated if something bad happens to me. However, I know he can separate himself from his work while he is at home and be present with them.