[Lilah525]

I sent my therapist an email saying that I wish I could still see her because she seemed like she cared about me. I'm not allowed to see her anymore but I like being able to talk to her because she was the only person that cared about me. I told her I just wished I was still able to talk to her because I don't have anyone else, or even just that I could email her or something if I'm really struggling. I don't have any support from anyone else and I told her I felt like I needed her because she's the only one that understands. I told her that sometimes I feel sad and sometimes I feel like hurting myself and I don't know what else to do. I don't have anyone else in my life that I can talk to about it. I've been cutting myself and have thoughts of cutting and I just want somebody to know about it. She was the only one that I've ever told about it so I don't know if I would ever be able to tell another therapist about the cutting

She didn't answer me so I think I might have made a mistake. I thought I was doing a good thing to try and ask to stay in contact when I'm having a hard time, but I think that it was a mistake actually. She told me that she cared about me, but I don't think she does now that I'm not seeing her anymore. She told me she cared and that there's nothing that I can do about that, but I don't understand why she would lie about that. Like, why lie about that? If she really didn't care and wasn't interested in keeping contact with me at all, why not just tell me? I know she doesn't care anymore. Now I feel stupid because I just showed her that I need her but she doesn't need me at all. I should never have sent that email. I'm all alone and I'm an idiot.

[ThisWayOut]

Sounds like you are really struggling right now, and were hoping to get some relief from emailing ex t. Why can't you see her anymore? Generally, t's won't conduct therapy through email unless that is a specific service you sign up for. I'm guessing her caring has not stopped, but either she hasn't read her email yet, or she is not in a position to do therapy through email.
Would you be open to starting therapy with someone else? I know if sounds scary, but it can be helpful, especially if you are struggling so much right now. Maybe you could sign a release for your old t to talk to a new person so you don't have to totally start fresh?
Also, if you are really struggling with self harm, maybe you could reach out to a crisis line? I know many can talk you through rough patches and even help you get connected to other resources. The national suicide prevention line in the us gets you connected to a nearby crisis line. They also offer chats through the Internet. 1-800-dontcut is a good source of info and resources around self injury.
You're not alone.

Why are you not allowed to see her anymore? That might explain why she is not replying. It probably has nothing to do with her caring and everything to do with why your therapy relationship was discontinued.

You are not an idiot. It is very brave to reach out and ask for something, to express your needs, and it hurts like hell when you receive what you see as a rejection (believe me I've been there)
I suspect your former T's silence is a sign that she actually does care. She probably feels that it isn't in your best interests to hear from her and reignite that relationship for you when there is no chance of you seeing her again. She probably wants you to be able to move on without hearing from her to complicate things further for you.
I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so badly. I hope you are able to find a T you are able to trust enough to talk about the self harm with. Remember you can always post on here. Its not the same as having a T you can trust but sometimes it helps just to get the feelings 'out there'

[ScarletPimpernel]

There are many reasons why she might have not responded yet. I email an ex-T of mine. It's mostly to prove to myself that not EVERYBODY has abandoned me.

My ex-T sucks at anything with the Internet. When she first started, I kept getting 2-3 emails because she would push send instead of enter...lol. She still is delayed in responding. I'm allowed to write her once a year. It takes her about 2-3 months to reply. I don't ask why. I'm just happy for any reply.

Maybe it's just something similar to why your T hasn't replied. If all else fails, try calling her. That's what my T told me to do with an ex-counselor of mine I'm trying to reach. Though...I have yet to call

[SnakeCharmer]

Lilah, I'm sorry you're going through this lonely time, with no support anywhere.

I have no idea why your ex-T didn't respond. There could be many reasons, some of which having nothing at all to do with how she feels or felt about you.

Please, please, please, be kind to yourself and work on the daunting task of finding a support system with a new T, friends IRL and on-line, or by attending self-help groups. It's hard and scary, but you're worth it. I wish you the best.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Lilah525

I sent my therapist an email saying that I wish I could still see her because she seemed like she cared about me. I'm not allowed to see her anymore but I like being able to talk to her because she was the only person that cared about me. I told her I just wished I was still able to talk to her because I don't have anyone else, or even just that I could email her or something if I'm really struggling. I don't have any support from anyone else and I told her I felt like I needed her because she's the only one that understands. I told her that sometimes I feel sad and sometimes I feel like hurting myself and I don't know what else to do. I don't have anyone else in my life that I can talk to about it. I've been cutting myself and have thoughts of cutting and I just want somebody to know about it. She was the only one that I've ever told about it so I don't know if I would ever be able to tell another therapist about the cutting

She didn't answer me so I think I might have made a mistake. I thought I was doing a good thing to try and ask to stay in contact when I'm having a hard time, but I think that it was a mistake actually. She told me that she cared about me, but I don't think she does now that I'm not seeing her anymore. She told me she cared and that there's nothing that I can do about that, but I don't understand why she would lie about that. Like, why lie about that? If she really didn't care and wasn't interested in keeping contact with me at all, why not just tell me? I know she doesn't care anymore. Now I feel stupid because I just showed her that I need her but she doesn't need me at all. I should never have sent that email. I'm all alone and I'm an idiot.

My T has said that once we stop therapy she will not engage in any sort of contact with me at all. I think some therapists fudge that line and allow rare check ins, but a lot just feel like its an ethical boundary to continue to speak to clients they are not treating.

But it doesnt mean she was lying about caring about you. It could also be a policy where she works, if shes allowed to reply or not.

[Boo]

I want to talk to my old therapist so badly. I miss her so much. She accepted me like nobody ever has. Not talking to her hurts so much. I feel like some of me has died.