[JaneC]

What therapist said hurt......

I am in a bit of a state. I got news 2 days ago that some people from my past are in town and I will be seeing them tomorrow. Since finding out my anxiety has quickly been getting really high, because there are a lot of difficult memories that are surfacing. I haven’t seen them for more than 14 years…….

I know…..I don’t need to go….but I do want to see some of them, they were dear dear people. But the rest…..arggh!!
So I emailed my therapist last night just outlining what is going on for me, and saying I needed support somehow. He emailed back right at the end of the work day today……and ended with “I look forward to hearing what happened”. It seemed....cold when I read it.

Somehow this really hurt and upset me, and so I emailed him back and said that I don’t understand how he can look forward to hearing something that is going to be so painful for me! Sheesh!! Was I being super sensitive, out of line, or could it have been somewhat more supportively put? I know therapists are human, it was late Friday……but still.

I really am flipping out, only just keeping it together, stopping myself breaking into tears constantly in front of my boy………you see, there is so much shame and fear attached to this as the memories lead me down a hole to other similar deeper and even more painful memories.

Support and thoughts about what my therapist said would be good please……

[unaluna]

I think his reply falls into the category of just not doing therapy by email. That "i look forward" line is a pretty standard t response or rather non-response.

Also they kinda jam themselves up. If they advise us not to do something, then they have to deal with THAT result. Thats why its not about giving advice one way or the other. He IS looking forward to supporting you, whatever happens?

[JaneC]

That phrase is really loaded. In the recent past he did not use it in an email when he was returning from a long break and I said that I would have liked if he did. In session he said he wanted to but was concerned about my response to the phrase, thinking I may have automatically dismissed it. The next break he used it and it was all good…………and now…..my response is less than positive! What the heck? This **** is silly.

Thanks Hankster for replying, it helps to not feel so alone tonight. My net keeps dropping out...........so this is making me even more worked up on top of the anxiety. This crap is frustrating, I just can not get the thoughts about tomorrow out of my mind....no matter what I do. Just went and watered the vege garden and saw the sun set...........nothing! Still frikkin anxious, just about threw up in the broccoli!!

I agree with Hankster, I think it us a phrase T's use, my T has looked 'look forward to ...' In an email to me, and it means he is anticipating that you bring what happened to your next appointment and that he will be there for you.

[StillIRise]

Yeah my T uses this in emails all the time and I often have the same response as you, like how can you look forward to sharing my pain?! I have to try to remember it is said with good intent on his side...

I hope it all goes ok for you.

He was just saying he looks forward to being able to process whatever happens. It's just a T phrase. You are loading it in a way it wasn't meant to be loaded.

[JaneC]

Reality checks....thanks all for that. I am sure beneath it all his intentions are for the best. Just in my anxiety I forget....

Still leaves me with the unresolved and intense anxiety..........not looking forward to tomorrow and wonder how I will cope.....

[BonnieJean]

My t will also use that phrase in an email response. I hope tomorrow goes okay for you!

You wrote that this was the last part of his email. Were the words prior to that closing supportive or did he suggest something to think about or do? If so, that could be what he looks forward to hearing...how you were able to manage based on things you've been working on.

If all he'd said was that one line, yeah, that's cold. But if there was more prior to it, I'd focus on the supportive part instead.