[MindfulMoment]

In therapy and just around my T generally I act like a small child. I've noticed it over the past few months. The more comfortable I have become around her the more I act like a child. My tone changes, my intonation on particular words, I giggle and fidget and just can't seem to control myself. Does anyone have any clues as to why I do this? Because I'm not sure. We do talk about some stuff which touches on stuff from my childhood, but even when we're not I can't seem to will myself to act like the grown up I am!

MM

I don't giggle but I am forever saying "I want to be adult about this..." while another part of me wants to crawl up into his lap and let him stroke my hair. I think its just regression and its something we need to do...

[Inner_Firefly]

I am not sure why you do this, do you think it's because you feel like a child in front of T? Will you bring up this observation with T? This sounds interesting and perhaps you can learn something about yourself.

[sweetie_7]

Maybe your T evokes a sense of safety and being nurtured that you miss from your childhood?

[ScarletPimpernel]

In different relationships/situations, I feel like a child, a teenager, a young adult, or my age. I think it depends on the role I feel I need to take. With my T, I tend to act like a child because the trauma makes me feel vulnerable like when I was a child. But I also think it's because the trauma delayed my emotional development. Though when necessary, I can easily pull myself together and act like an adult...especially when I'm not in an emotional state.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Me too

[JustShakey]

I did want to do this at one point... I might have too, if I hadn't started seeing T at his own office. The room really does have a big effect on the therapy... I've found myself missing the old room lately, though I don't want to go back to the old office at all.


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I feel a child in there sometimes, but am perhaps too inhibited to be. I'd be interested to hear what your T makes of it.

We show where we were wounded most in therapy. Appearing childlike is normal in therapy. It's safe to do it there. The more childlike we become, the more room there is to become mature.
Therapy is full of paradoxes.
The only problem with this is if the T is unskilled, And infantizes the client in this state.

[StillIRise]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

We show where we were wounded most in therapy. Appearing childlike is normal in therapy. It's safe to do it there. The more childlike we become, the more room there is to become mature.
Therapy is full of paradoxes.
The only problem with this is if the T is unskilled, And infantizes the client in this state.

Yes. Paradox and contradiction are two of my T's favourite words!

[Soccer mom]

I told my T. that I felt like a kid in therapy at times especially discussing certain things. I said I don't have the words to my feelings. We figured out that I first attached to another motherly figure at age 7 so she said that's probably about the age I feel in there.
You might consider how old you feel and link it to your childhood. Your inner child is coming out and showing their needs/getting attention. Mine doesn't come out as often now but there were times I really felt like a little kid. So strange!

[MindfulMoment]

Thanks guys. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone in this, although it feels very unsettling for me. [quote=Inner_Firefly;4226580] Will you bring up this observation with T? quote] Yes I'm going to try and bring it up causally in our next session, although I'm sure what impact that will have as I can't control it.

Originally Posted by sweetie_7

Maybe your T evokes a sense of safety and being nurtured that you miss from your childhood?

I do miss being nurtured, but I'm not sure that developing attachments with people who nurture me is particularly mature behaviour; I want to be independent and be able to nurture myself, rather than to crave it from an external source. This is also part of the reason a part of me hates T. I hate the way that I feel attached to her in away I've not felt in any other relationship in my life. I think only people who have been in therapy can only really understand client-T attachment.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

We show where we were wounded most in therapy. Appearing childlike is normal in therapy. It's safe to do it there. The more childlike we become, the more room there is to become mature.
Therapy is full of paradoxes.
The only problem with this is if the T is unskilled, And infantizes the client in this state.

T doesn't treat me like a child, but I definitely think that she views me that way sometimes, because on the rare occasion that I switch into adult mode quite suddenly she always appears quiet startled. It would be very odd to bump into her outside therapy one of these days, because she wouldn't recognise my behaviour. I was the same with my last T. Something just seems to come over me. I think a very very small part of me likes being looked after, but it's in such contrast to the part of me that wants to be mature that it's just a little confusing.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

In different relationships/situations, I feel like a child, a teenager, a young adult, or my age. I think it depends on the role I feel I need to take. With my T, I tend to act like a child because the trauma makes me feel vulnerable like when I was a child. But I also think it's because the trauma delayed my emotional development. Though when necessary, I can easily pull myself together and act like an adult...especially when I'm not in an emotional state.

I think talking about trauma makes me feel quite vulnerable as well, but I definitely don't find it easy to pull myself back to being an adult without prompting (for example if she asks me a technical question, or something). As soon as emotions are on the table I'm back to being a child. Is it possible to process trauma from your childhood without converting to child mode? I want to learn to be more adult in sessions. Is it possible to learn to be vulnerable and adult at the same time?

[MindfulMoment]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I told my T. that I felt like a kid in therapy at times especially discussing certain things. I said I don't have the words to my feelings. We figured out that I first attached to another motherly figure at age 7 so she said that's probably about the age I feel in there.
You might consider how old you feel and link it to your childhood. Your inner child is coming out and showing their needs/getting attention. Mine doesn't come out as often now but there were times I really felt like a little kid. So strange!

I feel between about 5-9 years old I suppose and I tend to jump down depending on the subject of conversation. I almost never feel older than that. How do I meet my needs by myself? I don't want to have to rely on T, as eventually therapy will come to an end and I will be devastated!

[Soccer mom]

I think you have to move through it with her. I never got attunement so I crave the connection I get looking in her eyes. She now knows this and knows if I don't feel it, I get upset after I leave. So, I guess I'm supposed to get it while I can in hopes that it fills my hole a little. I think once we process all our pain/unmet needs and grieve for what we didn't get, we will then learn what we can meet ourselves. Our T. is supposed to help us with that. I've tried to push my T. away saying it will end anyway. Now, I've come to accept that this is long term and there's no end in sight. I've teased her that we'll be seeing each other with our walkers by our chairs. I think once we realize it's time to end, we'll be ready and won't see it so negatively. I have decided I'll start spacing even if it's every 2 weeks, once a month, every other month, every quarter and so on.

[sweetie_7]

I've been in therapy for years and I noticed that especially with my last T I wanted to be her. We're roughly the same age but she is emotionally healthy and I'm a mess.
I think it's good you realize this is a behavior you don't like and that you feel attached to her in a way you've never felt. This is something you can work on with her.