Should I cancel my session tomorrow?

Meh.

I have a nice weekend planned, visiting a friend out of town. I have another session midweek anyway, tomorrow's is only because my therapist had to reschedule.

I feel all stable, and I know when that session finishes tomorrow, **** will have been stirred up and I will have to pour tons of energy into not spiralling into a desolate, horrible place. It's tiring, and I don't want it messing up my weekend. Even if I go in and say hey I want quite a light session today, it will feel fake and avoiding the whole herd of elephants in the room.

I do love my therapist, but find it all so draining in the rough periods where I get so hurt by her absence. I think probably we're in it for the long haul, and I'll learn from the relationship with her because it so closely mirrors ones that have happened before - so it's ok to not want to have my nose to the grindstone all the time, and have a breather. Though I also know I'll miss her a bit if I don't go Though it makes no odds, because I'll miss her the second I step out onto the street feeling slightly mangled after the session anyway.

Met another very nice therapist today who talked to me about potentially working with their team (if I am lucky enough) and it all seems so lovely and boundaried. Easy (in terms of knowing what to expect). No guesswork. Bliss.

Waste of time to go tomorrow at all? Or is sacking it off really just withdrawing?

I felt like this a couple of sessions ago, I have major trust issues with my T (and everyone really) and felt that for once I was ok and didn't want the pile falling on top of me again.

I went to therapy in the end and the first thing I said was I just want to chat about stuff, I had a pack of cards in my pocket and we talked about what games we knew I told a few stories about finding a bat in my house, we talked about a lot of random stuff that was not personal to either of us. It really helped to not feel pressured and to know that she listened to me and what it was that I wanted from my hour a very validating feeling and went along way to help that trust build a bit more.

I suggest to go!

I've had some sessions where I just really didn't feel like talking at all. Mostly when I still saw t in person, and we sometimes just sat together in silence just "being" which turned out to be really calming. Or I would make a sand tray. Since we've been doing phone sessions, there was one time when I didn't feel like talking but I wanted to feel our connection and so we didn't talk for a little bit of the call, it's weird to sit in silence together on the phone, but... somehow it worked.