[Tongalee]

Hi all! I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing/talking about in therapy, like the normal stuff. I mean there are chunks of time when I'm in a bad place and we talk about that and work on how to get me into a normal rhythm, but then once I get in that groove I find my sessions are filled with insubstantial conversions and long silent pauses. I'm not sure what we are supposed to be doing when I'm not on some kind of crisis mode.

I can't talk about the csa all the time, I will literally go crazy. I have a hard time thinking that that's not all we can do in therapy which makes me anxious and sad. However, my therapist doesn't push me to talk about it at all unless it is clear that the conversions are necessary and beneficial.

What do you guys do in therapy on the regular? Do you find that you always have something to talk about? Or do you make lists? What goes on your lists?? Sorry, I'm just really worried I'm not doing enough/things right.

[archipelago]

Once a therapist, who was into depth psych, answered this type of question by saying "you can't dive all the time. You have to come up for air." At least in the type of therapy I do which is more long term, periods where it seems not much is happening are accepted as part of the process. Things deep down shift more slowly than you might think and that is probably still occurring even when you've shifted away from addressing it directly.

I use those times to develop either other things, like more routine things or to enjoy and strengthen the relationship. Since in psychoanalysis an ordinary chit chat type of conversation is marked as unusual, this in itself says that something different and probably helpful is going on. Normalizing and self-expression are also part of therapy.

I usually take in a list of things (insights, events, struggles) from the week so that I don't forget important things to talk about. It always relates to the reason why I'm there, so there's a trajectory to my therapy even if it meanders. I don't want to share my specific lists here, though. I'm only three months in with this therapist, but there has never been a down time or a lack of material. With previous therapists, I have had big gaping, awkward down times and silences that led to nothing. In looking back, it was either a bad fit or they weren't very competent.

Everyone has a different reason for therapy though. Can it be enough that, for now, you are getting to understand each other and building trust?

[ThisWayOut]

I try to work on bettering my relationships and reiterating how to handle stress when there's nothing majorly pressing to talk about. And dealing with heavy trauma stuff can be really taxing, so I take a break from that too sometimes. If you find yourself feeling like you are not getting anything out of therapy at the moment, maybe it would be good to talk to your T about the lull? She can help you figure out what you do want to work on in the moment, or if you would want ot decrease session frequency if you can't come up with something.

I really like the question and I hope a lot of people come on board to answer.

I talk about small things from my past that I have never talked about - maybe things from when I was a teenager, and conversations I have with members of my family that actually appear pretty simple, but I find painful. Recently I worried that my T felt I should be bringing other things, but these things were meaningful to me. I make a list beforehand otherwise I wouldn't think of these things.