[ScarletPimpernel]

The nurse at my Pdoc's office called this morning. She said that my Pdoc is only seeing people who really need med management. According to my T who also talked to my Pdoc, she is doing too good with her pregnancy and she's trying to stay out of the office.

But the nurse said my Pdoc will call me tomorrow afternoon.

I'm so conflicted. I'm worried about my Pdoc and her baby. But also know I have a right to my feelings. It just makes me feel so selfish and inconsiderate. I feel abandoned by my Pdoc. Yes...even though she's going to call me. I feel like it's her fault. She allowed for me to have her as support and then she turned around and made the boundaries stricter. If she would have kept strict boundaries all along, I wouldn't feel abandoned. Her maternity leave would be no issue for me.

Now I don't get the chance for closure. I don't get to hug her goodbye. I don't get to discuss how our last appointment affected me. The phone call will be short and it won't be appropriate to discuss emotions. My T even said that she doesn't think my Pdoc is capable of empathizing with me about this.

It hurts so much. It will now be a minimum of 7 months w/o her and maybe more depending on if/when a new DBT facilitator is found. I'm not really worried about my meds or the new Pdoc. What upsets me is that my Pdoc was important part of my treatment and support group and now she's gone. It's a loss for me. I have to grieve yet another person. I know this is life, but this triggers my core issues.

I'm not giving up. I'm actually coping. But this is just devastating for me.

***Btw...for those who know about my fiance's abuse...HE FOUND A T!!! Ironically, it's the same T my T referred him to a year ago (but the T never called back). My fiance's insurance referred him to this T and he called back. Very very happy and proud of my fiance. He's try and actually putting in effort.

[JustShakey]

Yay! That's awesome news about your fiancé SP!

I'm sorry about your Pdoc I'm glad your coping though. Life is unfortunately full of losses, devastating and otherwise

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[guilloche]

Hi SP... really really glad to hear about your fiance, what good news! And, so sorry to hear about your pdoc... I agree with you, it's so hard when we feel like people set us up for loss and disappointment. Really disappointing that she's not able to understand that right now. Glad you're coping, and glad you have your T. No chance you can clone her and send a copy to east coast?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Hi SP... really really glad to hear about your fiance, what good news! And, so sorry to hear about your pdoc... I agree with you, it's so hard when we feel like people set us up for loss and disappointment. Really disappointing that she's not able to understand that right now. Glad you're coping, and glad you have your T. No chance you can clone her and send a copy to east coast?

I'll ask her about cloning her...lol. I've tried to tell her how unique she is in the past. She is extremely humble. She doesn't see herself as better than anyone. Maybe you should come out here The weather is almost always nice and warm

She was funny today. We were talking about how the DBT facilitators didn't give clear useful examples of passive-aggressiveness. We moved onto talking about my Pdoc. I told her that it would be assertive if I picked up the phone when my Pdoc called. She said "Oh! Not picking up the phone is a great example of passive-aggressive!".

She also said that I should definitely add my opinions to the discussion and challenge the facilitators if I feel they're wrong. She said she would love to be a fly on the wall when I do it... she knows I will at some point.

I also told her she shouldn't let me borrow her favorite book anymore because the book cover is wearing out. She told me that it was okay. It will just give people the impression she reads it more than she actually does.

And we both agreed that I shouldn't make any decisions about my Pdoc right now. My mind is way to "foggy" from emotions that I wouldn't be able to make a healthy decision. She helped me break down what to say to my Pdoc when she calls: express that our last appointment was distressing, wish her and her baby good health, and tell her I'll see her next June. The rest of the conversation let my Pdoc direct.

I really don't know what I would do w/o my T. I feel so lucky to have her in my life even if it's for only an hour a week.