[peaches100]

I need to apologize to everybody here on PC for the very negative post I made in the thread about treatment and C-PTSD. I'm afraid that what I said will make people here afraid to open up and be vulnerable with their t's. That wasn't my intention.

I was speaking only about my own situation in therapy, and the way that the depth of my own need for support has caused conflict with the needs of my therapist, and the boundaries of the relationship, which has ultimately been pretty damaging to me.

I love my t, and I know she cares. We both have worked very hard for years at my healing. So I am not blaming her for not being able to provide more support. I just know that my needs are "too much" for anybody, even a t. And that is why, for me, it just feels like my abandonment issues are "unresolvable." I've made other progress in other ways that I am really proud of. But not with my attachment issues. It has been more pain than soothing, more stress than relief, and a constant source of inner conflict and shame for me.

But that's ME. Please don't assume that will be true in your own case. Often, what a t can give, in the way of support, IS enough for healing. I'm sure that I'm one of the minority, one who for whatever reason is more needy and less capable of managing my own distress. But not because of lack of effort or lack of desire to change. I can honestly say that I've worked my butt off, and have expended every ounce of effort I can to be strong and take care of myself without needing more from my t. But I just do. . . so for me, this particular issue is most likely not resolvable in therapy. Just the way it is. . .

[magicalprince]

FWIW I was just about to reply to your posts which I found totally relatable. It doesn't feel like enough to me either and at the very least, someone in that position should never be expected to feel like it's enough. It does put us in an extremely painful position. Abandonment trauma especially leaves a huge chasm in the self that can't be filled in with just a little fairy dust. I will say though that sometimes I had to face the fact that I actually *can* give myself some of the things I want from others. Not all, but maybe just enough to make it bearable. Sometimes the answer was to love myself and sometimes it truly did help.

I feel like maybe if the approach were somehow different it wouldn't have to evoke as much suffering. along the way though. Yeah. Idk.

I can relate so much to your post. I don't think I am going to be able to get well, whatever that means. I'm just trying to make the most of the life I do have, but there is way too much pain to deal with.