[PaulaS]

Some months ago I was terminated by my T, she abandoned me more or less. I´ve struggled with a lot of questions, with sadness and grief. I realise I was and still am attached to her, I´ve mentioned earlier here on PC about "therapeutic love". There was nothing about me thinking she would become a friend or something but as a T and as someone I really liked and could confide in the termination broke my heart in a way.

As I´ve had to search for a new T myself I haven´t had anyone to talk to, not in a therapeutic setting. Together with the problems I went into therapy for it has become too much and I think very dark thoughts almost every day. I´m not saying I´m going to end my life and I´m not threatening to but I now more often see my life as not worth living the way it is right now. Sometimes I´m thinking of going to town or something but then I more and more often just stay in bed until 12 AM or 13 PM and then I don´t have any motivation to get out and do something.

I often think of my T, that she´s in her office, she continues to work and in that respect have a better life than mine. I see almost everything in my life as hopeless and I didn´t feel like this, not in such a strong way anyway, before the termination. I don´t see an end to this as I feel I´ll need much more help than I can get.

[IndestructibleGirl]

What would you like to do with your life? What do you enjoy doing?

Rejection is always unpleasant and hurtful, but it only has the power to destroy us if we secretly agree with the rejection and reject ourselves too.

This isn't about your ex therapist really. It sure is crap that you had that experience, but it doesn't get to define you. I think it boils down to self love. Neglecting yourself by not being able to do anything with your days, that comes down to a lack of self love.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Some months ago I was terminated by my T, she abandoned me more or less. I´ve struggled with a lot of questions, with sadness and grief. I realise I was and still am attached to her, I´ve mentioned earlier here on PC about "therapeutic love". There was nothing about me thinking she would become a friend or something but as a T and as someone I really liked and could confide in the termination broke my heart in a way.

As I´ve had to search for a new T myself I haven´t had anyone to talk to, not in a therapeutic setting. Together with the problems I went into therapy for it has become too much and I think very dark thoughts almost every day. I´m not saying I´m going to end my life and I´m not threatening to but I now more often see my life as not worth living the way it is right now. Sometimes I´m thinking of going to town or something but then I more and more often just stay in bed until 12 AM or 13 PM and then I don´t have any motivation to get out and do something.

I often think of my T, that she´s in her office, she continues to work and in that respect have a better life than mine. I see almost everything in my life as hopeless and I didn´t feel like this, not in such a strong way anyway, before the termination. I don´t see an end to this as I feel I´ll need much more help than I can get.

I agree with indestructiblegirl--being terminated says more about the therapists limitations than yours-don't let her opinion make you think less of yourself. You are recognizing the signs of depression, now, early. Pick up the phone, find a T-any T-and ho in for an appointment. Even if they end up not being the one you settle on, they can at least help keep you stable during your search for a better fit. Hang on, you can do this.

[PaulaS]

I don´t have any good answers to that questions really, I´m quite stuck in my life. I can agree it has partly to do with self love but the dark thoughts also stems from longing and missing a person who was important to me.

It also comes from the problems I already have and the termination just became too much to handle emotionally.

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

What would you like to do with your life? What do you enjoy doing?

Rejection is always unpleasant and hurtful, but it only has the power to destroy us if we secretly agree with the rejection and reject ourselves too.

This isn't about your ex therapist really. It sure is crap that you had that experience, but it doesn't get to define you. I think it boils down to self love. Neglecting yourself by not being able to do anything with your days, that comes down to a lack of self love.

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I don´t have any good answers to that questions really, I´m quite stuck in my life. I can agree it has partly to do with self love but the dark thoughts also stems from longing and missing a person who was important to me.

It also comes from the problems I already have and the termination just became too much to handle emotionally.

I understand that I am not anywhere near your young age bracket, and I get that what I might have to say isn't something that you value or see as important because you have expressed very eloquently that you are looking for a therapist who "gets" you on a very deep level. But I have to tell you that what you're feeling really isn't different or unbelievable to any and all age groups. I GET what you're saying, PaulS. I've been there. . . . sometimes I still find myself in that place at my "old age"

Being "stuck in" one's life is a pretty common feeling for a lot of us with difficult childhoods. I've lived a lot more years than you, and I still feel moments, days, months and sometimes even years, of being stuck. I sometimes feel as though I am only a cardboard cut-out . . . a person lacking in real feelings or goals. But at different times in my life, therapy has helped me feel more real and engaged.

I can't even imagine being terminated from a therapist who I sought out for help and support. And when I say that, I'm not indicating or inferring that your problems are extensive or psychiatrically involved. I am a person who worked in a high level professional career for over 30 years--a high stress job. But that didn't discount my confusion and sadness when it came to my lack of involvement in life--something NO ONE around me, close or from afar, ever saw! We can be damaged psychologically and still one of the "walking normal". What that woman did to you was inexcusable! I wish she had taken the small amount of time it would have taken her to refer you to one of her colleagues. My guess is that she was confused and challenged by your needs in therapy. That does NOT have anything to do with you. It is a result of her poor training or motivation. At the very least she should have taken the time to find you a new therapist to work on the issues bothering you.

This is the first time that you've referred to a person who makes you "long and miss a person who was important to me." These are the painful things that we need to talk about with a qualified and empathetic listener. You haven't found that person yet. I'm hoping that I've found that person for myself but I'm still not sure. Whatever the case is for either of us, we need to take the chance and attempt to forge a relationship/connection. I'm not saying that the one you pick will be right. Heck, I've picked more than a few doozies! But you have to hang in there and try. Walking away or dismissing the person before you give them a chance means that YOU lose out. The therapist doesn't lose out; he/she still gets to collect the one or two fees for the consultation. Hang in there and give it five or six sessions. Really put her through the wringer in regards to a "test drive"!
Good luck

[Jungatheart]

I am so sorry PaulaS for what happened to you. I understand the feeling, or perhaps the self judgment, of being beyond help. It's a very low place. One of the things that has helped me is to focus on gentleness. You want to sleep in, fine, ok, do it with gentleness rather than contempt. You feel stuck, fine, ok, approach it with acceptance.

You have suffered a serious loss. Therapists are a different type of relationship and the dynamic is not comparable to other relationships. The circumstances of what went down are perhaps unknown to you (Yes?), yet I would imagine you blame yourself.

For me, when my heart suffers deeply, I tend to take it out on myself. My mind does more damage on top of the heartache. Which is why trying to train myself to be my own gentle parent, the opposite of what I grew up with, helps in small moments.

And those moments build on each other. And then hope slowly seeps it's way back in.
Sending hugs.

I'm sorry you are in a dark place right now. sending you hugs.

[PaulaS]

I´ve read your post a couple of times now and the things you wrote me was valuable. It´s nice getting some perspectives and to hear about others in similar situations. I feel it´s valuable hearing from people both in my own age and older. When looking for new potential T:s I always look for those who´s a bit older.

What makes you feel stuck in life? If you would want to share that here at PC. I´m sorry that you didn´t have someone to share your career success with. As you say, you often think of people being successful career wise also having a happy personal life.

It´s interesting the thing about my former T being confused and challenged by my needs in therapy. I think you really have a point in that as she at least once or perhaps twice made comments that I was "analyzing" the therapy too much. I think she perhaps didn´t know exactly how to proceed or act in therapy and she didn´t like to be questioned and my comments perhaps became "a way out" for her.

I get the impression that you´ve read other posts by me earlier on as you made that comment about it´s the first time I refer to "long and miss a person who was important to me". I was surprised about this myself, I didn´t think of this specific part of my post in that way. Thanks for this. I wrote it spontaniously and it´s also really the way I feel.

I hope one of those T:s I´ve now seen for evaluations sessions will become a T I really can work things out with. As I have to pay for all my sessions out of my own pocket, I try to be as specific as I can and try new T:s out even if it´s a hard and emotionally draining work to do so.

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

I understand that I am not anywhere near your young age bracket, and I get that what I might have to say isn't something that you value or see as important because you have expressed very eloquently that you are looking for a therapist who "gets" you on a very deep level. But I have to tell you that what you're feeling really isn't different or unbelievable to any and all age groups. I GET what you're saying, PaulS. I've been there. . . . sometimes I still find myself in that place at my "old age"

Being "stuck in" one's life is a pretty common feeling for a lot of us with difficult childhoods. I've lived a lot more years than you, and I still feel moments, days, months and sometimes even years, of being stuck. I sometimes feel as though I am only a cardboard cut-out . . . a person lacking in real feelings or goals. But at different times in my life, therapy has helped me feel more real and engaged.

I can't even imagine being terminated from a therapist who I sought out for help and support. And when I say that, I'm not indicating or inferring that your problems are extensive or psychiatrically involved. I am a person who worked in a high level professional career for over 30 years--a high stress job. But that didn't discount my confusion and sadness when it came to my lack of involvement in life--something NO ONE around me, close or from afar, ever saw! We can be damaged psychologically and still one of the "walking normal". What that woman did to you was inexcusable! I wish she had taken the small amount of time it would have taken her to refer you to one of her colleagues. My guess is that she was confused and challenged by your needs in therapy. That does NOT have anything to do with you. It is a result of her poor training or motivation. At the very least she should have taken the time to find you a new therapist to work on the issues bothering you.

This is the first time that you've referred to a person who makes you "long and miss a person who was important to me." These are the painful things that we need to talk about with a qualified and empathetic listener. You haven't found that person yet. I'm hoping that I've found that person for myself but I'm still not sure. Whatever the case is for either of us, we need to take the chance and attempt to forge a relationship/connection. I'm not saying that the one you pick will be right. Heck, I've picked more than a few doozies! But you have to hang in there and try. Walking away or dismissing the person before you give them a chance means that YOU lose out. The therapist doesn't lose out; he/she still gets to collect the one or two fees for the consultation. Hang in there and give it five or six sessions. Really put her through the wringer in regards to a "test drive"!
Good luck

[PaulaS]

Thanks. I agree to what you say and I have had and still have to accept moments of grieving, spending time just lying in bed and so on and at the same time I´m really angry at my T putting me in this situation. Already before my termination I was feeling stuck, being unemployed and so on and the termination just made it worse.

Yes, the circumstances are unclear, I was never informed of the complete reason why my T choose to terminate me. I´m just hoping for a new T and that she´s able to "take care of me" and make it possible for me to process the termination.

Originally Posted by Jungatheart

I am so sorry PaulaS for what happened to you. I understand the feeling, or perhaps the self judgment, of being beyond help. It's a very low place. One of the things that has helped me is to focus on gentleness. You want to sleep in, fine, ok, do it with gentleness rather than contempt. You feel stuck, fine, ok, approach it with acceptance.

You have suffered a serious loss. Therapists are a different type of relationship and the dynamic is not comparable to other relationships. The circumstances of what went down are perhaps unknown to you (Yes?), yet I would imagine you blame yourself.

For me, when my heart suffers deeply, I tend to take it out on myself. My mind does more damage on top of the heartache. Which is why trying to train myself to be my own gentle parent, the opposite of what I grew up with, helps in small moments.

And those moments build on each other. And then hope slowly seeps it's way back in.
Sending hugs.