[alimak]

I have been seeing the same therapist week for two years and the more I see this therapist the more I find myself censoring what I have to say. For instance he knows the basis of why I come to therapy because it is in my records (history of sexual abuse, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression) so he asks me the routine questions on that such as "how is your sleep" and "how your anxiety level this week" but that's about it and then we'll talk about current events or something superficial. I want to open up to him more but whenever I do I feel like I can't physically talk. I want to talk to him about my cutting and a recent overdose (I'm not suicidial at the moment) and more about my trauma and even transference (huge transference issues with him even though logically I know he is off limits) but whenever I try I choke up and can't even talk. On my drive over there and even at home I practice what I want to say but when it comes time to say it in front of him I find that I cant.

Because of my financial situation I am very limited on who I can see and don't have an option to switch providers at the time. I guess I need suggestions on how to overcome this fear of opening up more to him. By nature I am a shy person and I was raised in a home where we didn't discuss problems and had to pretend everything was fine so I'm sure that this has somewhat to do with it. I tried to discuss this with therapist but as you guess it I froze up and couldn't talk.

Thanks.

I always found that it was best to start slow. Start with talking about the things that come easy. Also bear in mind that the therapist cannot help you if you censor yourself. You are doing more harm than good by doing so. Therapy isnt easy by any means and sometimes it can be intense as far as topics covered, but if you really want to get past some of the underlying issues you just gotta take the plunge. You will find that the more honest you are, the more comfortable you get with the therapist.

[ThisWayOut]

I write things that are harder to say, or I do at about it. Then I either read it or give it to the t to read. I show her the art pretty much every week because there is almost always something that I don't know how to say...

[AllHeart]

I have the hardest time opening up. It helped me to start by emailing my T things I wanted to talk about in then next session. This ensured I'd have to talk. If I didn't email, I'd write a note and hand it to T at the beginning of the session.

Now I can SOMETIMES bring things up without any email or note. It's a miracle, but, I still have a long ways to go.

So this method of writing is helping me, perhaps it will help you too.